


Second Chances and Red Strings

by asgardians0001



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bard the Bowman is So Done, Dwarf Courting, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Dwarf Gender Concepts, F/M, Jealous Thorin, Korean OC, Minor Original Character(s), OC gives a challenge to Thorin not to fall in love with her, OC has a panic mode where she just squats and starts screaming in Korean, Or does he ?, Original Character(s), Person of color OC, PoC, Protective Dwalin, Protective Thorin, Red Strings, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Thorin doesn't know he's in love with her, Thorin doesn't want to fall in love with her, Thranduil Not Being An Asshole, gold sickness ruins the romantic mood (for a while), lots of humor with a side of angst, plot twist : He's already losing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-09-30 13:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 58,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17224913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asgardians0001/pseuds/asgardians0001
Summary: " I am someone who wants you to have a happy ending."Jin Ae didn't believe in second chances, the word is nothing but a fragmented blur from the memories of her childhood, remnants of the bedtime stories her father would tell her about star crossed lovers stranded at sea.Until she had to attend the funeral of the man she loves and Jin Ae wanted nothing more than just that.By some miracle, a soft hearted deity must've heard her prayer because the woman finds herself trapped in a world of dwarves, swords and gold.There she meets a familiar pair of electric blue eyes, and she finds herself unable to leave him, specially if she knows how his story would end. Jin Ae couldn't save him in her world, but maybe in this one she can, even if he was far more stubborn in the world where vile dragons and crownless kings exist.They were two lost boats tied by a red string, destined to meet again.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> " I know you are not him, even if you wear his face," She whispered quietly, meeting his eyes, "You are an entirely different person, Thorin Oakenshield. But I am sent here for a reason, and if that reason was to help you on this quest then I was right to have helped you."  
> " Why ?" His voice was so soft she almost missed it. It was strange, to hear him speak so gently.  
> " Because," She paused, trying to even out her breathing. She didn't want to look at him in the eye, she was afraid that she will cry, and she knows once she starts she won't stop.  
> " I am someone who wants you to have a happy ending."
> 
> In which Jin Ae couldn't save him in her world, but maybe in this once, maybe she can.
> 
> OR
> 
> In which they were two lost boats tied by a red string, destined to meet again.

**Prologue ; second lives , red strings, lost boats**

_"When you're coming home on a rainy night,_

_what is it that becomes your umbrella._

_A voice that answers when you call._

_A memory of seeing the same thing at the same time._

_The first time you matched someone's pace._

_Does someone come to mind?_

_Yes, it's that person."_

-  _Goblin_

* * *

"Do you believe in second lives  _abeoji_?" Jin Ae asked her father as they sat for dinner that night.

It was a quiet night; the moon loomed amongst the stars above the sleeping buildings of Gangnam, although they are barely visible as they flicker behind a thin layer of smoke. The warm summer wind was beginning to settle around them, and the only sounds that accompanied them that night were the whirring of the electric fan along with the distant chirping of nocturnal animals. Her father, taken aback by his daughter's question, placed the knife down against the handkerchief, the freshly cut apple still resting against his other one.

"Why do you suddenly ask?"

Jin Ae, who 's eye level didn't reach the tabletop tugged onto the hem of her father's clothes impatiently, unhappy with the fact that he had answered her with another question," The woman downstairs said that cats have seven lives, but that's not the point, I asked you a question  _abeoji_! "

"Well," He chuckled softly, lifting her up to sit on his lap. He passed her the apples and she gnawed on them excitedly while he paused as if to think about it. By the time he answered, Jin Ae had already finished them.

" We are not cats, are we ?"

She shook her head, and he only smiled wider.

"But I believe in second lives," He hummed wistfully, looking out to the window to watch the trees rustle against the breeze, "I believe we all deserve second chances at life, so that's why we have them. I also believe, we share these second lives with someone."

"Will I share mine with you  _abeoji_  ?" She immediately asked eyes as wide as plates.

He smiled at her uncertainly, "I'm not sure Jin Ae, all I know is that you'll share your second lives with someone you love most. Someone who you want to spend your entire lives with."

"That's you!" She exclaimed, nearly falling out of his lap as she clamored upwards, pressing ( or smacking, given by the way her father flinched ) her hands against each side of her father's cheeks," I love you and I want to spend my life with you!"

Her father laughed, and she proceeded to hug him as he carried her towards her bedroom. The wood creaked gently under his steps, accompanying the cicadas as they began to sing outside.

" That is sweet Jin Ae, but I know someday you'll find someone you'll love more than me, someone you'll want to spend your life with, and your second life with, someone you want to be with forever. This person will be bind to you by a red string, " He laid her down on the cushions, and she intently listened to him as he pulled her under the covers.

" This red string is unbreakable," He smiled softly," It is the thing that binds you together, and no matter how far you are, like two lost ships in the sea you will eventually meet."

" But how do I know who this person is ?" She whined, before turning away to whisper in a timid voice," Is it when I suddenly want to hold his hand? Or when I want to hug him?"

" You'll know it when it's time, and it is more than that Jin Ae," He swept her bangs aside, "There will come a time where you will feel as if you've known this person for a very, very long time. As if you were two old friends who met after years of being apart. Sometimes the other person doesn't recognize the other, or maybe they both don't recognize each other at all! But then you will feel this pull, where you feel at home with this person. When despite everything, they made you happy, they made you feel loved."

" Is that why you always said  _eomeoni_  will always still be with you?" She asked, and her gaze began to slide onto the portrait across her, sitting above her desk. It is a picture of the three of them, in the middle Jin Ae was grinning as her parents hugged her. Her eyes trailed downwards to the banquet of flowers wilting above her table, given by her neighbors after their yearly visit to her grave. The smell still lingered around the dimly lit room, and her father followed her gaze, sighing as he watched it die.

"I don't have to worry, your mother's time has come, and maybe mine will come to –"

Jin Ae flinched at that.

" But I am not afraid, we still have plenty of time to meet and fall in love with one another in another life, another time and another place. Maybe she would be taller, or maybe I would be bald!"

Jin Ae snorted.

"We will be two different people, but we still carry the same souls, the same love. We are still two lost boats tied onto the same strings. Maybe she doesn't know who I am, but she would feel it, and so will I."

He bent down to kiss her forehead, "And when I will meet her again I know, I am no longer lost. And maybe, just maybe…."

He sighed, trying to hide his eyes from his daughter. But Jin Ae knew better, so she reached up to touch her father's cheeks, wiping away the trail of silent tears that tumbled down. She could feel her own eyes sting, and her vision began to cloud as tears well up. Suddenly, the room felt colder, as if a gust of wind has swept through them. She pictured her mother, somewhere far away, in a distant world. All alone, waiting for her husband to join her in that life. She frowned at how painful it must've been, at how scary it must've been to wait all alone. To feel lost for a very long time, as if someday someone had just turned off all the lights, and you are left to walk aimlessly in the dark.

She didn't want whoever was on the other side of her red string to feel that way.

Her father let out a shaky sigh.

"Maybe I can bring her home."


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1;**   **funerals , ribcages, hairy feet**

_"At the moment of life and death,_

_make a wish with a powerful desire._

_A soft-hearted creator might grant you that wish."_

_\- Goblin_

* * *

Jin Ae never had any trouble in remembering things. Her father often praised her for having a photographic memory, it was mainly one of the reasons on why she decided to pursue her career as a surgeon. Hence, she never needed to question her memory.

Until now.

She blinked away the sleep in her eyes, feeling slightly nauseated as she lifted her head. She could feel the soreness between her shoulder blades, and she found herself in a hunched position. She remembered falling asleep on the cool surface of the cobbled gravestone, and yet beneath her was a piece of log. Her eyes widened as she scanned her surroundings.

Michael.

Oh,  _Michael_.

She remembered attending his funeral. She remembered the slight drizzle that had started when she entered the cemetery, the way people's heads immediately turn to her, on how they slowly crowd her like a school of piranhas. They were itching to extend their hands for her to accept, eyes roaming around her to see how she would react to his death, waiting for something, for anything to happen.

She was, after all, the last person to see him before he died.

But even she didn't get to say goodbye.

She could do nothing but shrink underneath their gazes, occasionally replying with a 'thank you' because she was _tired_.

She was tired of people looking at her as if she was a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode. Everyone expects her to be hysterical, to explode or to cause a scene. But she knew better, she knew that it wasn't what he would've wanted. She needed to be strong, for his family, for herself and most importantly for him. If he sees her from up there, weeping on the ground until she could no longer breathe, he would probably demand the angels in the afterlife to bring him back to life. She couldn't ask for that, not when he's at peace. So she could only clutch onto her father's arm tighter, as they walk past them.

Her father.

She didn't know what she would've done if he wasn't here with her. She would've probably crumbled. But her father, her  _A_ _beoji_ , have bought the earliest ticket to London and flew all the way from Gangnam to here, bringing nothing but two sets of clothes and barely anytime to think about the little shop he left back home, all just to see her.

The ceremony was short, but she felt as if she had been standing for a week. Watching as they lower his coffin down into the dark. She stood throughout the whole thing, watching with glazed eyes as they bury him underneath the soil. Even after they finished, after everyone left she still stood there. His parents have taken her father out for dinner, hoping to give her some time alone. So there she was, kneeling beside his gravestone, and when she was sure no one was watching her, she cried.

She cried until her rib cage clatter against her chest and her body violently convulse. She could feel her tears stain her clothes, and the dirt digs against her knees, and yet she couldn't care less. Weeks of sadness, frustration, and guilt was released at that hour, and for the first time in forever Jin Ae felt lost. She felt as if she was a boat who was tossed at sea, and now she is wandering aimlessly. That was enough to make her fall asleep, and now she is awake, and she can't remember what could've possibly lead her here.

What should've been neatly rows of gravestones lined above neatly trimmed grass was now replaced by a clearing of wild bushes and looming trees. They were whispering against the wind, and she could feel the chill around her starting to creep beneath the thin fabric of her blouse. Slowly, as if she was an empty glass being filled to the brim, panic consumed her, until finally, the glass couldn't take it anymore, spilling it's contents and realization dawned to her.

_' I'm in a forest. '_

She was glad her body still had the strength to move her legs, and she was glad that she had her purse beside her. She quickly checked inside, and she sighed in relief when she saw her phone and wallet intact. She wore the blazer that she had draped over her knees, and she shakily stood up.

Her first instinct was to try for signal, and she was glad her battery was on 95, having the time to charge it earlier. His death was still fresh on her memory, but she shook it off. Now isn't the time to mourn, now is the time to think. How could she possibly end up here?

Focusing back on her phone, she frowned when she found out there was no signal. She shoved it back inside the purse, looking around for a path. At first, it seemed impossible, as the sky was getting dark, but she followed the sun as it sinks beneath the trees, and she found herself onto a clearing. Looking forward, it gave her the idea that she might be in a forest, judging by the soil path laid before her. She tried to silence the questions buzzing in her head, steadying her heartbeat.

She pinched herself, suddenly getting the idea that this might be a dream, but after pinching it thrice she did nothing but create a dull ache at the side of her arm, and she decided that this was far from a dream. Sighing, she wrapped her arms around herself and began walking. Hoping, that she wouldn't be more lost than she already is.

Thankfully, after a twenty-minute walk, she didn't give up and eventually ended up in front of a wooden gate. Behind it stretched out green hills, with houses that occupied the slopes and curves. She squinted, trying to get a good look. This was definitely not London alright, because the last time she recalled the London didn't have a village. They also didn't have houses that looked like …holes? They looked familiar, but she couldn't place her finger on it.

" G-good evening."

The voice startled her, causing her to flinch. Her eyes met a pair of softer brown ones. The man before her tried to look polite, but she could tell that he was hiding his curiosity behind his smile. It was then, did she realized that he was shorter than her and that she had to look down to talk to him. It was strange, yes, but not as strange as his clothing, which resembled the way Europeans would dress back in the middle ages. (Not that Jin Ae know much, she took European history way back in primary school)

When her eyes reached his barefoot, and hairy (would be an understatement) feet, he coughed, and her eyes snapped back upwards shyly. Although, whatever manners he had was quickly tossed out of the window as he looked at her the same way, and when he reached her skirt his eyes simply flickered back upwards, a faint rosy color tinted his cheeks as he cleared his throat, " Excuse me, are you lost ?"

She regained her shock, and nodded, " Yes, I am. I- I don't where I am."

He looked at her in pity, and as if he's internally fighting with himself he looked around fidgeting, before looking back at her. Finally, as if he made up his mind, he shook his head and muttered something about ' Baggins ' and ' being too kind.'

" Do you want to come for tea ?"

Jin Ae, too overwhelmed to ask any more questions didn't bother to think whether this man could be trusted or not. All she knew was that it was better than to stay outside, knowing that anything could lurk in the forest. She was lost, confused and frustrated, so she nodded her head furiously.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2; skirts, fainting, dinner**

_"It'd be amazing if time could flow backward, but what can we do?_

_There's no use in crying over spilled milk._

_You have a lot of time._

_You can fill up the glass again slowly._

_So don't cry too much._

_Don't beat yourself up for too long._

_But never forget what happened."_

_\- While You Were Sleeping_

* * *

Jin Ae was surprised when he rummaged through the straw basket he had been carrying to pull out a cloak. He stretched it out to place it around her shoulders, and Jin-Ae, who was apparently still in shock didn't realize that he was too short to do so, and it took her a few minutes before she finally bowed down.

" S-sorry," She blurted out, hugging the cloak tighter, " I'm just..in shock."

" I can tell," He grumbled, though he shrugged and continued down the path," C'mon now, before it's dark."

She hurried after him, and as they passed the lights and beautiful flowers she realized why he might have given her the cloak. Yes, the wind was cold, but maybe it was more to do with her clothes. As she looked around, the women around her all wore dresses that reached past their knees, nearly brushing the ground. The man before her, however, was intent on trying to stay clear from them, or from anyone in that matter.

When he saw someone in front of him, he suddenly froze, and Jin-Ae nearly collided with him as he leads her to a different path. After a few minutes of sneaking around, they didn't pass anyone and eventually reached one of the holes( or houses). He quickly fumbled with the keys and before she knows it she was being ushered inside.

Jin Ae, who wasn't relatively tall, didn't have to duck through the doors, but she still feels compelled too because suddenly inside everything felt so small, before she could ask he appeared beside her.

" I'm Bilbo," He said, nodding," Bilbo Baggins."

" Dr. Jin Ae," She outstretched a hand, and he eyed it before taking it, " Thank you for your invitation."

" Why did we have to sneak around ?" Jin Ae asked, following him as he went inside. Her eyes roaming curiously. Once they landed on him, he looked at her as if she had grown a second head. Jin Ae stared back as if to tell him she really didn't know.

" It's" He coughed, " Erm, considered improper for me to invite a woman inside my house without a chaperone."

She now understood why he would rather talk to her inside his house rather than outside where everyone could see, but then it made her even more confused, "Improper? That's, weird. How could that be improper ?"

" You're not from around here, are you ?" He asked, furrowing his brows. He leads her towards a chair, and he pulled it out for her. She gladly sat down and soon they were both sitting across one another, a cup of tea in each of their hands.

" Well, where exactly is here ?" She asked, trying to calm her breathing as she takes in how different everything was. Not in the sense that she was in another country or place. No, she felt as if she was in another world, everything seems so alien. She felt as if she wanted to cry in relief when he spoke English, at least it was something she could understand even if it wasn't Korean. He seemed to also be taken aback by her accent, well she did attend Cambridge University. It had been a difficult time for her, trying to catch up with the languages and her peers, but through constant support from back home, she was able to push through. Her father always teased her of how good her English was, praising her at her accent.

" You're in the shire," He answered cautiously.

" And which part of London is that ?" She nervously asked.

He stared at her blankly, before placing his cup of tea on the table with a clang. She winced, she didn't mean to frustrate him, but he seemed to be more frustrated in himself, as he struggled to find the right answers to her question. H kept glancing at his clock, and back to his kitchen. Was she keeping him from dinner?

She frowned, " How about you tell me more about this place, and I'll see if I can come up with anything. I promise I won't keep you from dinner any longer."

He gave her a small smile.

" Mr. Baggins-"

" Yes."

" I think I'm going to faint."

" I'm sorry I fainted," She murmured once he brought her another cup of tea. He looked at her sadly, as if he could sense her distress. He passed her the hot beverage before sitting on the couch across her. She had wanted to ask if he carried her to the couch she was currently laying on and if he actually went through all the trouble of draping her in soft blankets. But she already knew the answer, so she didn't say anything as silence engulfed them. The fire crackling in the hearth.

" This place you come from," He spoke softly as if he was frightened to scare her again, " It is not in Middle Earth ?"

She shook her head, " I don't think so. Where I'm from, your world is - "

_Fictional._

_Made up._

_Completely artificial._

_Staged by actors and cameras._

 

" Is – Is history."

She didn't remember the exact part where she realized that this was all from a book, but she recalled him saying something about Hobbits, and it clicked to her. Like a switch, memories of 2011 came flooding back to her, when everyone in Korea was talking about the latest Hollywood movie. She couldn't miss it, how could she when advertisements were hung on billboards and advertised on windows when little children in the hospital had told her about how cool the CGI was, when her female friends would gush to her about how charming some of the characters were.

She even remembered the premiere, and how her friends had tried to drag her out of studying for finals to get a glimpse of it. She shook her head at the memory, now she regretted not watching any of the films with them. Maybe if she knew more, she could've been more helpful, she could've been more composed. But here she is, one step closer to fainting again.

This is impossible, and yet Bilbo Baggin's house felt more real than anything that happened today.

She tried to stand up without feeling dizzy, by focusing all her energy on standing up, but eventually, she sank on the floor. Everything was becoming a sensory overload to her, she felt overwhelmed with the events that had occurred all in the past twenty-four hours. She was still heartbroken, she was still grieving. Now she's lost, in a place where everything was supposed to be fictional.

She didn't have the heart to ask Bilbo if he was joking or not, because she already knew the answer.

Bilbo rushed to her side, " Hey, you can stay in the other room. There's a room by the end of the hall used for guests, you can lay properly there. I'm going to prepare dinner, I can maybe fix you something up too."

He sounds concerned, and she could tell that she was very much intruding his home and his meal, she could tell from the brief flash of annoyance in his eyes. But she was thankful that he was kind enough to do this for her, despite not knowing who she was. She didn't know what to do if she met someone who claimed they weren't of this world, she would've called the police or make someone else take care of them. But he knew that she didn't feel safe, and so she was glad as he leads her down the hallway.

" I'll call you once the food is ready," He said through the door crack, " Then we can talk."

" Thank you," She said, looking at him in the eye, " I just need to collect myself. I promise I'll be useful once I get a grip."

He nodded before the door clicked shut.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3; Pants, Wine, Ghosts**

_" An object needn't be large to hold great mass._

_That girl, as tiny as a violet._

_That girl, drifting in the sky like the petals of a flower draws me to her with a force greater than the one exerted by the earth._

_In a single moment, I fell and rolled toward her without a rhyme or reason, just as Newton's apple did._

_With a thump. With a thump-thump. My heart bounced from the heavens to the earth in a dizzying perpendicular motion._

_Such was the moment I'd first fallen in love. "_

_-Goblin_

* * *

Jin Ae knew she shouldn't stay here, yet she didn't know where to go either.

The first night the two had met, Jin Ae had nearly used up 20% of her battery to show Bilbo as much as she could about her world. That was enough to convince him that she was from another place, far, far away from Middle Earth. She understood the course of action he initially wanted to take, he thought that taking her to Bree, the closest human village in the South of the Shire, would be the best course of action. However, Jin Ae was convinced that not everyone is as kind as Bilbo.

Even if she reached the village, how is she going to find out how to properly get help? She knew nothing of this world, of its customs, culture, and people. After a lengthy discussion, she found out that in Middle Earth, all sorts of other types of species exist. From immortal (she still couldn't wrap her head around the idea that something could live forever) Elves to Wizards ( a brief image of Dumbledore crossed her mind ) with actual robes. Her host wasn't even human! Not that she has any problem with it once he had explained to her what a Hobbit was (quite awkwardly, for she doubt he had ever had to explain to anyone on what he is.)

So after much thinking, she had decided to strike up a deal with Bilbo.

" I don't know much of this world," She explained, " So let's make a deal. Please let me stay in your home for another two weeks, here you teach me what you can about Middle Earth. In return, I will help you with anything you need and share to you about my world too. I know it doesn't sound like much of a good deal, but please, I promise I'll help around. Once the two weeks are over, I'll leave for Bree."

She was ready to beg, even if it looked pitiful. If she had to be honest, Bilbo's home was the epitome of comfort. Being inside makes her feel safe, protected. It doesn't feel like home, yet compared to what was outside, it's the closest thing she could get to it. Bilbo, as she had expected didn't immediately agree to the idea. She knew that if anyone found out that there was a woman, a human woman, living in his house, it would create a scandal. Moreover, she had learned from Bilbo's explanation about Hobbits that they like to gossip. She also knew that he probably has a family name to uphold, and maybe it also has something to do with the fact that he was perfectly comfortable in being alone and unbothered.

Nonetheless, she was more than grateful when he finally agreed to her proposition. In just three days, she had learned plenty about Hobbits and their lifestyle. She was quite amused to their frequent number of meals, feeding her shouldn't be a problem to him then considering that she was never a big eater. Then there were basic necessities such as clothes, which he had provided her quickly. She felt awful for having to borrow his mother's dresses ( he had talked about her fondly, and seemed rather sad when he talked about her passing.)

Nonetheless, she complied, and it took her a couple of persuasive arguments ( like how she couldn't work on his backyard ) to let him lend her his pants and shirt. They fit perfectly, which was convenient, knowing that she didn't have any money and didn't want to burden him anymore. He had been terribly flustered to see her in his overalls and shirt, and so he insisted on providing her with a new one, although she didn't end up returning his borrowed ones for it just made him even redder.

Like any other commune, a schedule had begun to eventually settle among them.

In the mornings, they will take turns in cleaning and going to the market. Bilbo had been very hesitant in sending her to the market, hesitant was actually an understatement when he was clearly standing between her and the door. However, Jin Ae couldn't simply stay inside like some kind of caged bird. She also needed a distraction to clear her mind from the fact that she's lost in another world and had left a life behind.

It wasn't until his gardener and friend Gamgee had spotted her through the front window did he allow her to go out, because word had spread quickly much to his disdain. Thankfully, the gossip doesn't last after Jin Ae announced in front of his yard where everyone could see that they are not engaged in any form of relationship. It took a little more than an announcement to convince his relatives, although Jin Ae wasn't one to run away from people like them. Bilbo, who knew that the secret would be revealed one way or another didn't hold anything against her, he was on the contrary, was quite amused.

He was laughing until his stomach couldn't hold it anymore when he saw the look on the Proudfoot's (  _Proudfeet_ , they insisted ) faces when they saw Jin Ae in his front garden with nothing but Bilbo's shirt and pants hanging loosely around her waist. That was enough to make them steer clear of his house, and Bilbo, being the hermit he is, had never been happier. Even if he had to occasionally shoo his Aunt away so she wouldn't bury her nose into his usual business.

" How  _scandalous_  Mr. Baggins," Jin Ae joked as they shared dinner that evening, he still had tears in his eyes from laughing too hard, and they had shared a bottle of wine.

" You know some of the folk thought you were an elf," Bilbo said it as if he was mentioning the weather. It was the first time they had talked about their appearances, or rather, her appearance.

Yes, she's Korean and yes she's proud.

However, she was ready to handle any racial discrimination thrown at her. It wouldn't be the first time since she's a Korean living in the UK. She couldn't hide her smile when he told her that he found nothing wrong with it, he knew that the race of men has different sub-races, even if he barely sees one outside Caucasians.

" Yes you look different," He shrugged," But I don't see why it's a problem."

Thankful for his open-mindedness, she continued.

" Why Elves ?"

" Well," He let out an embarrassed laugh," Everyone thinks you're too pretty to just be human until they saw your ears."

She, for the first time throughout her stay, was the one to flush red and nearly choked on her broccoli.

She was content with their routine, even if she had to keep up with second breakfast and supper. She knew she couldn't stay here forever; she has to find a way back home. So she listened earnestly when Bilbo would pull out one of the books from his shelves to describe to her about his world, trying to swallow to idea that this is real,that this is where she is now and this is what she needs to accept in order to go home. Bless Bungo Baggins for his fondness of books, for she was able to memorize things better, considering her photographic memory. With paper and quills, she felt like a student once more, taking notes vigorously as if she was going to be tested.

Because she will be once she steps out that door.

She wondered what her father would think at the moment, she fears that he will worry for her. Oh, how the thought of him refusing to go back to Gangnam to look for her makes her heartaches or the idea that he might go as far as forgetting meals to search for her around town... The last thing she wants is for him to be sick, because who would look for him then? She was his backbone, no one else would look for him.

Michael's family would be kind enough too.

_Michael_.

Every time she thinks of him a weird feeling rushes over her. It's not as painful as the morning where she found out he was no longer here or the morning of his funeral. No, it's a dull ache resting on the upper side of her chest. As if it was an old wound that's being prodded, instead of a freshly cut scar. Maybe it's because she had left the thought of him in another place, another time and another life. He is no longer with her now, in both life and death. He is somewhere distant, somewhere out of reach. It saddens her, and throughout the day she would see him everywhere, haunting her.

Until one particular night, when she had been invited for the first time, to Brandybuck's house for tea and went home to find thirteen dwarves crowding Bilbo, did she saw him. A ghost from the past, except he was no ghost.

He was real and  _alive_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to write the next chapter because it's when they'll meet, I hope you are enjoying the story so far ! Leave any feedback or comments if you have any, they're much appreciated ! If any of you want to use a celebrity as reference, I would recommend Park Shin -Hye or an older version of Kim Yoo-jung.
> 
> But let your imagination run wild !


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4; deers, corsets and shoes**

 

_“There was a time when I thought it a blessing to know the future._

_But that blessing starved the anticipation of a gift,_

_and broke the spirit to face a challenge, and turned off the signal of hope._

_A future that can’t be changed. Predetermined days._

_Those are other names for despair, and the loss of everything when you give up.”_

_\- While You Were Sleeping_

 

* * *

 

 

"When a deer is caught in headlights it will freeze, its eyes fixated on the blinking lights as its entire body turn rigid. As if it had been turned to stone it will exert no movement, until the light turns off to give it a paralyzing effect. The deer either collapses in shock or go berzerk and try to defend itself.”

This was the only thing Jin Ae remembered during her friend’s sermon last year in the Melbourne Museum during her exhibit, she had unfortunately drifted against Michael’s shoulder throughout the rest of her talk.

However she was starting to think that this was more of a prophecy instead of a warning, because the moment she stepped inside the house and saw thirteen dwarves she froze as if she herself was a deer caught in the lights, and there they were ; Jin Ae with one door against the wall and the dwarves unmoving as they crowd against Bilbo, who was unconscious on the floor.

This created a rather threatening picture, that gave Jin Ae a lot of ideas of what could’ve happened. But she didn’t move a muscle, as if someone had slapped her she stood shell-shocked, mouth open and eyes wide as saucers.

Until of course, someone just had to drop a mug, the shattering ceramic enough to give her two options.

Collapse, or go berzerk.

Most deer go with collapse, but Jin Ae is no deer.

So for the first time during her entire experience in Middle Earth, Jin Ae couldn’t help but lash out. She did what any animal who felt threatened would do.

She screamed.

It was a high pitched scream that startled nearly everyone inside, causing them to flinch or scoot back within their chairs. The ones that surrounded Bilbo instantly moved backward, and Jin-Ae wasted no time in yanking the Hobbit upwards. Bilbo’s body slumped against hers as she dangled one of his arms around her shoulders, holding him around the waist as if he was a ragdoll. Her other hand reached for the nearest object that could be used for protection.

“ Who are you, people ?” She shrieked, pulling out a broom from the nearest closet and holding it out in front of her, “Don’t come any closer, what have you done to him ?”

She had to rephrase her question once she realized that she had yelled it in Korean out of panic, judging by the confused look on their faces. They all immediately stood up, and voices began to erupt. She pulled Bilbo behind her, who was regaining his consciousness and mumbling poorly against her shoulders in the struggle to explain.

“ Now lass put the broom down .”

“Oi! What do we look like to you ?”

“ Hold on just a minute –_”

She gripped the broom tighter, ignoring their words and yelling, “ This is- This is _madness_!”

“ Miss please let us explain,” One of them begged, “ We didn’t do anything to Mr.Boggins, your husband is quite alright.”

The dwarf, who she would later found out to be named Kili, had only wanted to put out the fire. But it seemed as if he had just poured _oil_ over it, and Jin-Ae raised her voice as she screamed.

“ _Hu-husband_? Who are you calling my husband! Do I look like some kind of housewife ?”  She argued as if she had suddenly transformed into the middle-aged lady that had lived downstairs in her old childhood apartment back in Gangnam, who loved to yell at people who she accused to have wanted to rob her house.

“ It’s alright miss,” Another voice consoled her.

She whipped her head sideways, and she didn’t notice the man who had been standing next to her the whole time. She looked up, and she only screamed louder when she saw him towering above her. His grey robes and a long beard did nothing more but scared her, and she dropped the broom as she stepped backwards, clutching Bilbo tighter.

“ Who are you ?” She demanded, and before the voices could erupt once more, the dwarf who had been sitting in the middle with his back turned to her suddenly stood up, knocking his chair in the process. He looked at Jin Ae straight in the eyes, glaring at her until she couldn’t move.

“ Enough of this nonsense !” He hissed, voice booming around the walls of the smial.

Everything stopped.

She felt that even time itself has stopped as she looked at him. The voices hushed, except for the erratic rise and fall of her chest and the flickering of the fireplace. She watched him, stunned as if someone had suddenly turned on the headlights once more and froze her back in place. She couldn’t find herself to look away, she couldn’t find the right words to say. She wanted to collapse, and now she understood why maybe a deer would’ve preferred that.

But something compelled her to do something she never thought of doing before, something she would eventually come to regret, something out of a wild dream. Perhaps it was a fight or flight instinct malfunctioning, as her brain can no longer process the rush of emotions flooding her senses in just looking at his face.

She plucked off her red flat off her right foot and tossed it onto his head.

“ _Yulyeong!_ ( ghost )” She screamed, watching in horror as the shoe bounce off his head melodramatically and onto the ground with a thud.

It didn’t seem to affect him much as he only took a step back, closing his eyes in slight pain and most likely pent-up anger. The rest of them didn’t speak as they watch the interaction with even more surprised looks than before, as if someone had just given birth in front of them they watch in both fascination and horror. 

 

 

She thought today would be a good day.

She had been off to the market in the afternoon ( having woken up late, thankfully Bilbo still made breakfast off from last week’s shopping list ) when suddenly one of the Brandybuck sisters approached her. She introduced herself as Victoria, and she had shyly asked Jin Ae if they could stroll around together. Jin Ae, who has been nothing but alienated by most of the ‘ rich folk’ of the Shire, was glad to have been offered an afternoon stroll by one of the oldest families in the Shire. So she took the woman’s hand, who turned out to be genuinely interested in her origin.

Jin Ae, who had agreed with Bilbo that it was best to leave out most of the details of her origin began to tell her about her world. When the topic of boys have surfaced, the young girl collapsed to her side and began to vent.

“ Men are so complicated !” She whined, “ I can never seem to understand them, how can they be so daft !”

Jin Ae nodded furiously, even if she didn’t know what half of the insults she was spewing had meant. When Bilbo said drama was unavoidable in the Shire, she didn’t know how serious he was. Until he listened to the young woman ramble, and she couldn’t help but thank the gods that her life wasn’t this complicated. She was thrown into a world of suitors, scandals, and chaperones.  They have discussed on the different kinds of dating rituals, and to say she reacted the way she had expected, although much, much, redder.

“ You would kiss after the first date ?” She had shrieked, however, she sounded just as interested as she was scandalized.

“ Oh yeah,” Jin Ae shrugged as if it was nothing because it wasn’t. The poor girl almost fainted when she told her that some people even take it to the next level just after twenty minutes of meeting each other.

“ I’ve been breaking a few rules of my own with this boy I like,” She had confessed, twirling her brooch around her hands as she smiled giddily, “ I know I sound ridiculous and improper as I ramble, but the Shire lacks excitement! Everyone here is so prim and proper, it is so difficult sometimes to sneak in a snog with him with my chaperone hovering around me like a hawk every time we are together.”

" If I may ask, did you have any suitors back home?" Victoria asked.

" Is anyone courting you, or do you have a 'boyfriend' as you call it," She continued," Or maybe a betrothed?"

Jin Ae was quiet for a while, it made Victoria think that she might've missed the question.

" No," She eventually answered, looking at two children running around an oaken tree in the distance. The weather was pleasant, the sun was warm as they kissed their skins, the wind didn't howl as it whispered against the leaves and the birds were singing above them.To her it felt like a scene out of a dream, a picture from the back of a postcard.

" No," She repeated, wiping her palms against her trousers,"Not anymore."

 

 

Eventually, it was time for her to go home, as demanded by Victoria's chaperone ( who they have been avoiding for the last three hours.) However, the two of them weren't ready to cut their conversation to a halt, after all, Jin Ae couldn't ask about women hygiene to Bilbo. This was her chance to ask, and she agreed right away when she asked if she had wanted to have tea in her home. Her parents had looked at her as if she was the plague, wearing a shirt and trousers that looked awfully loose and unfitting. Yet, they didn't get the chance to argue with their daughter before the two of them holed themselves inside her room.

Long story short, she had given her some dresses in exchange for more stories. In the end, Jin Ae had walked home wearing one she wasn't particularly fond of. It didn't have a lot of layers, unlike the one Victoria wears, which she was thankful for because she imagined that it could weigh about a pound. However, it squeezed her ribs tightly with its corset, making her chest pool around the drastically wide cut of her neck.

" Wide enough to show that you are a woman," Victoria had said," But not too low to make you forget that you are a lady"

" Honestly," Jin Ae gasped as the corset tightened, " I don't feel like either, I just feel like I'm suffocating. Are you sure when you said that this is for casual wear? I can't move my arms."

" You're overreacting !" She scolded, before pulling the ropes even tighter, shutting up Jin Ae's protests.

Walking home became a challenge, eventually, the dress began to blend in with her movements, no longer completely stiff. She wondered if Bilbo waited long.She looked around, it was getting really dark. So she rushed home, not bothering to look at the window which displayed multiple shadows or listen closely to the voices that filtered through them. She swung the door open, stepping inside as she shrugged off her coat and drop her sack.

" Bilbo, sorry for the wait," She announced, locking back the door, to turn around to a sight.

That was when her day went downhill.

Now there she was, sitting across the dwarf she had just assaulted with her shoe in the middle of twelve other dwarves with a wizard towering behind her and her host passed out on the couch. She was trying to even out her breathing, having just caused a scene. Her cheeks were still burning, and she couldn't stop the trembling of her fingers.

" Ready to talk ?" One of the dwarves finally asked, breaking the tension around the room.

He had a huge axe and sword strapped behind his back, making him look more threatening than he already is.

She nodded, eyes unable to focus on one spot as they bounced off from one face to another, avoiding one in particular. It took her a lot of willpower to not collapse because it’s _him_ , it’s Michael. She had just hit her dead boyfriend in the head with a shoe. But that couldn’t be Michael because he’s _dead_ and he doesn’t have long braided hair or a sword strapped against his hips.

No, her Michael had neatly trimmed hair paired with a short stubble and he wore suits whenever he was out with her or when he was not in his police uniform.

But they both have the same electric blue eyes, they both have the same angled jaw and even the same wrinkles and slopes in all the right places.

She itched to reach out and trace her fingers over his skin, to see whether it felt the same.

But the man before her wasn’t Michael, so she inhaled a shaky breath and looked away.

“ I’m sorry for lashing out, I believe proper introductions are needed."

She met his eyes, and it took all of her willpower to not cry at how familiar they looked.

“ Let’s-let’s start over.”                                                                                                                                                         

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far, please leave any feedback or comments below, I really appreciate them.  
> Also I have a Richard Armitage fanfiction if you guys like to check it out, it's not that long and still in the process but I hope you guys like it !

**Chapter 5 : flowers, axe and medics**

_“Our timelines weren’t in step._

_If time can really be turned back,_

_give me one last chance.”_

_– Taki Tachibana, Your Name_

 

* * *

 

 

Jin Ae didn’t believe in second lives and red strings, at least, not anymore.

They were just stories her father would tell her every night before bed, just fairytales to make her believe in second chances, just a myth to make her mother’s death seem less painful. Sometimes, jin Ae couldn’t tell whether he was telling those stories to comfort her or himself. They both knew that her mother’s death had come too quickly and too sudden.

Jin Ae never got to say goodbye, neither of them did.

It was unfortunate, everyone said. To lose a mother at such a young age, especially through a sickness they couldn’t detect. Jin Ae never knew her mother as anything but a bright and vibrant person, who had a passion for design. She was the woman who reminded her father to smile from time to time whenever he came home from a rough night of work, the woman who would always greet Jin Ae cheerfully every time she goes home from daycare and the woman who held the family together like glue.

She didn’t get the chance to see her throw up every night, she never saw her out of breath and heaving, she never saw her in her last days before passing. Her father had always shielded her form it, asking her to stay downstairs with the neighbors when the sickness became too much to handle. Her mother was like a flower, she was beautiful and radiant, and people would be attracted to her by this magnetic pull. They would swarm her because of how vibrant she was, and she never disappoints with her laughter and jokes.

Her mother was like a flower, and Jin-Ae never realized that she was wilting.

Her father took it terribly, but he never drinks, or smokes. Sometimes, as bad as it sounds, Jin Ae wished he did. But all he does is keep it to himself as a secret, acting like it didn’t happen. He never, as far as she was concerned, channeled his grievances elsewhere. It made her scared, it made her fearful that someday he would just snap, and all that pent-up emotion would tear him apart. She would always remind him that it is not a burden he should carry alone, yet he locked it up in his heart, caging it within the deepest parts of his mind.

After the first few years of her passing, Jin Ae grew out of those stories. Soon, her father never brought it up either, as if he himself is slowly giving up hope on the notion. Yet, who could blame him for being pessimistic? She wasn’t in the place to judge, she never lost anyone close to her heart.

Until she lost Michael.

But even with Michael, she didn’t fully understand what it means to lose a boyfriend. They have dated only briefly, but they were friends for a long time. Whether they were friends or lovers, it was all a blur between the two. As if there was a grey dot between the two spaces, and they stood there.

It made his death even sadder because she didn’t get the chance to fully explore their relationship. She never got the chance to love him the way she wanted to, and maybe that was what her father felt. Maybe he had wanted more time to love her in this life.

Looking at the man, the dwarf, in front of her she realized that maybe when she made the same wish against his gravestone, someone had heard her. Maybe a soft-hearted deity had taken pity on her, and she heard it, and she brought her here.

She gave Jin Ae a second chance.

“ Lass, we didn’t mean to scare you.”

Jin Ae snapped out of her thoughts, looking at the dwarf who had spoken to her. He had a long white beard and eyes like her grandfather. He looked at her in pity and concern. Jin Ae looked around; the rest of the company was also quiet. They all stared at her.

She felt something wet against her cheeks.

She brushed her fingers against them, looking down.

“ You didn’t scare me,” She forced out a laugh, slightly sniffing. She could feel his gaze on her, the dwarf who looked like Michael. She didn’t have the courage to see whether it was out of pity or annoyance.

“ But you did give me the wrong idea,” She cleared her throat, looking at the wizard beside her, “Bilbo didn’t tell me anything about guests.”

“ Your husband didn’t tell you?” The same dwarf from earlier asked. She looked at him incredulously. He looked younger than the rest of the company, with a shorter beard and youthful eyes. He didn’t seem to be asking her to purposely annoy her, but he seemed rather convinced at the idea.

“ He’s not my husband, first things first,” She placed her hands on her hips.

“ But you’re living together! Aren’t you the lady of the house ?” The dwarf next to him asked he doesn’t exactly resemble him, but she got the sense that they were brothers. From the way, they sat comfortably next to one another. Although the other one sports a long beard and a blond hair, she couldn’t differentiate the similar twinkle of mischief glinting in his eyes.

“ Don’t be ridiculous lad !” A dwarf exclaimed, “ She’s not a hobbit !”

Murmurs began to surround them, most of them are nodding their heads in agreement.

_“ How do we even know what female hobbits look like, maybe they are taller than the males ?”_

_“ Maybe she's an elf !”_

A chorus of grumbles erupted at that.

_“ She doesn’t look like she’s from around here either, look at her skin and her eyes!”_

_“ Is she an Easterling? Or maybe a place in the Far East ?”_

_“ Where did she come from ?”_

“ Enough!” Jin Ae stood up, slamming her palm against the tables as she pushed herself. Michael’s imposter seemed to finally pay attention to her as well, as he raised an eyebrow at her. Jin Ae sighed, swallowing the urge to start yelling in Korean again.

“ First of all, I am right here! You don’t have to talk about me like I can’t speak for myself.  Second, I’m not an elf. I am human, from the race of men. I know you think I look different because of my eyes and my skin, but I don’t see how that’s a problem! I’m not an Easterling either. I’m Korean and I’m currently living in London, England. I was raised in the Gangnam prefecture of South Korea. But a few nights ago I woke up to find myself in the Shire, Bil- _Mr Baggins_ allowed me to stay with him for another week to learn about your world until I can go find help in Bree to return to where I came from, and probably find out how I got here. That’s why I’m living with him.”

She finished breathlessly, “ Now, if you still have any more questions, please ask them directly to me.”

They were silent for a moment until someone spoke.

“ Not from this world?”

She turned to meet the eyes of the wizard. He looked at her curiously and it scares her on how he resembles Dumbledore whenever he knows something Harry didn’t. He stroked his beard ( he actually did !) as he gripped his staff tighter.

“ Yes,” She nodded, “ I was hoping that maybe I can find someone that can send me home.”

Her eyes widened in realization at the man in front of her, “ You’re Gandalf the Grey, aren’t you? The wizard? Can you send me back home?”

His eyes fell as he shook his head sadly.

“ Could you at least try?” She asked, her voice slightly cracking. If the most powerful being here can’t send her back home, who can?

“ I’m sorry my dear, even if I wanted to,I can’t,” He hummed, eyes softening as they watched her in pity, “ Something powerful brought you here, a power beyond my knowledge.But I know someone who might be able to. There is a huge chance that we will meet this person as we embark on our quest.”

“ Who ?” Jin Ae asked in unison with the dwarf who she had assaulted with her shoe. He was glaring at the both of them, and Jin-Ae wondered if that was his permanent look.

“ That is for both of you to find out,” The wizard replied gruffly.

“ Both of us ?” Thorin scoffed, “ She is not coming with us. The Hobbit himself is still to be decided. I will _not_ accept another member to join the company.”

Jin Ae turned to look at him, suddenly feeling angry at his denial, “ Why not ?”

“ This quest is not a matter you should concern yourself with,” He spat back, “Not only is the wild no place for gentle women like you, but you also serve no useful purpose to us. You will only slow us down, and maybe endanger the company’s safety if you were to be unable to defend yourself. It is not a bargain I am willing to take.”

Jin Ae felt as if she had just been slapped across the face.

“So you’re afraid that I’ll be a burden because I’m a damsel in distress who can’t do anything?”

She answered with an edge to her tone, her eyes not wavering underneath his scowl.

“ I’m a certified doctor,” She went back to dig her wallet out her sack, pulling out her ID to show him, “ I’m Dr.Jin Ae Lee, I graduated from a first world country who has high standards for their medical officers. To say that I’m underqualified and useless is an idiotic assumption considering that I am currently working in one of the biggest and busiest hospitals in the world.”

She exhaled in defeat, but straightened her shoulders nonetheless, “ I can disinfect and treat a wound in less than twenty minutes. I am trained in first aid as well, making it no trouble for me to survive in the wild, with or without you ensuring my safety.”

“ But can you fight?” He asked, crossing his arms. She wanted to smack the smugness off his face as he leaned back onto his chair as if he knows that he had a strong point to his question.

“ I’m...adequate at fighting –“

“ Axe or Sword?”

“ Neither,” She cleared her throat, “ But I can learn. I graduated a year early, it means I’m a fast learner. I’ll adapt, and eventually, I’ll catch up.”

The company didn’t seem to like the idea that she couldn’t fight, as they started muttering to themselves once more. She felt small, being looked down upon. It is true that she never fought with anyone because no one ever picked a fight with her either. The furthest she had to fight was when she attended a friend’s Taekwondo lesson for a day, and she absolutely detests it because she was tossed around like a sack of potatoes.

“ Mr. Baggins is also inexperienced,” Gandalf added, “ If you have no trouble teaching him, you’ll have no trouble teaching her.”

“ Aye, I could also use an extra hand in treating wounds,” The elderly dwarf agreed. He was the first one to have said anything nice about her, and he gave her a kind smile that nearly sent her crying.

Thorin looked at him disapprovingly, but he doesn’t seem fazed about it. He simply smiled to himself Thorin’s glare having no effect towards him.

“ I doubt the lass can even pick up an axe,” One dwarf grumbled. He was the most intimidating out of the group as he sat on Thorin’s right side, eyeing her suspiciously.

“ I can teach her the bow,” The young dwarf answered back, “ Shouldn’t be hard.”

He gave Jin Ae a wink, which earned him a hard nudge from his elder brother and glare from the leader.

She could hear Bilbo moving from the couch they had laid him on, but before she leaves to go to him she looked at the dwarves one last time.

“ You don’t have to accept me in the company,” She whispered, “ You don’t have to worry about my safety or risk yours to save me. If I die or get injured, it’s all on me. I won't blame any of you for it or ask for more. All I ask is to meet this person, and I won't bother you anymore once I’m where I need to be. _Please_.”

She walked to Bilbo without a second thought, not looking back.

Even if she could feel his eyes on her back.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if the story is going really slow , I'll make sure Jin Ae gets to interact more with Thorin and the company !

**Chapter 6 : tooks, golf and misty mountains**

_“I feel like I’m always searching for someone,_

_or something.”_

_– Taki Tachibana_

 

* * *

 

Thorin Oakenshield.

That was his name. Introductions were given by Gandalf soon after she left, and she was able to remember all thirteen names without much trouble. She stole another glance at him as he leaned against the table with Balin, the one she reminds herself to thank for his kindness, and Dwalin, the dwarf who looked at her with nearly as much disdain as Thorin himself.

“ You alright?” Bilbo whispered from beside her. She was sitting on a stool beside him, and she didn't notice that he was still awake, judging by how silent he was. She gave him a tired smile, watching as he clutched onto the cup of tea to stop his hands from trembling.

“ I’m alright,” She answered, “ How about you? You’re the one who fainted. What was written on that paper ?”

He forced out a nervous laugh, sipping his tea, “ Something about an adventure that I am not going to sign myself up for.”

“ You’re not going?” She looked at him in disbelief, “ But you always talked about going on an adventure.”

He placed his cup down on the table, “ I wanted an adventure, not a suicide.”

He looked around, before lowering his voice, “ They’re going to go after a dragon. You know what a dragon is don’t you ?”

“ Yes,” Jin Ae nodded, “ Gandalf told me. From where I come from, dragons are nothing more than the stuff of legends.”

“ Well in Middle Earth, they’re real,” Bilbo rambled, “ They’re huge with sharp claws that can cut stone into tiny pieces, not to mention that they breathe fire. Actual fire that can melt the skin off your bones –“

“ Bilbo-“

“ Not to mention that they are incredibly powerful, they can knock buildings with one swipe of their tails. They will not hesitate to kill you. If it’s not the fire that would kill you, it would probably be their size because have I mentioned on how big they are, they are humongous and-“

“ Bilbo, stop !” Jin Ae grabbed both of his shoulders, “ Please listen to yourself. Calm down, look at me.”

He clamped his mouth shut, breathing heavily as his hands shake violently beside him. She saw Ori and Nori looking at their direction, along with Fili and Kili, who had stopped their conversation to watch his little breakdown. Even Thorin had looked at them, but it wasn’t long until he looked away with a deeper scowl on his face.

She sighed, “ I know you’re afraid. I don’t have the right to force you to join a quest you don’t want to join. But I’m not going to stand here as you miss out on the greatest opportunity of your life.”

“ I used to be scared too,” She admitted, “When I just graduated out of High School, my father got sick. He has low blood pressure, and it can get dangerous if no one’s there to watch over him. He could collapse out of the blue, and every time he closed his eyes I was afraid that he wouldn't open them. So, I hid all my college acceptance letters. I stayed up all night to watch for the mailman to make sure that the letters never reached my father. Eventually, secrets don't last, he found out and told me I should go.

But I was afraid.

I was afraid of leaving him alone, I was afraid of flying thousands of miles away from home to study in a foreign country and most importantly I was afraid that I wouldn't be good enough.

I doubted myself, and if it wasn't for my decision, I knew I would've regretted it until today. If I hadn't left to pursue my dreams, I wouldn't be able to afford the medication my father needs, and I wouldn't be able to become the doctor I am today. In the end, I look back on all of that. The good, the bad and all of it. From having to sleep outside because I lost the keys to my apartment to saving my very first patient.”

Jin Ae rubbed her hands together as the chill of the night began to settle around them. She could tell that others were listening to her story because for starters Fili and Kili aren’t exactly the best eavesdroppers when they are standing just three steps away from them, with heads angled in their direction.

“ I know what I did wasn’t as terrifying as facing a dragon, or risking your life to join an adventure.What I’m trying to say is that sometimes we have to break out of our comfort zones and not play safe. If we keep on living in fear, are we truly living at all? Maybe this adventure is a sign for you to take a leap of faith and believe in yourself.”

“ Jin Ae is right.”

Gandalf walked up to the two, and those who were listening diverted their eyes away, pretending as if they hadn’t been listening at all.

“I'll be all right,” Bilbo looked up at Gandalf, “Just let me sit quietly for a moment.”

“ You've been sitting quietly for far too long,” Gandalf huffed, “ Tell me, when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you? I remember a young Hobbit who was always running off in search of Elves in the woods. Who would stay out late, come home after dark, trailing mud and twigs and fireflies? A young Hobbit who would have liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire. The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there.”

“I can't just go running off into the blue,” Bilbo reasoned, “I am a Baggins of Bag-end.”

“You are also a Took,” He looked at Jin Ae, who took this as a cue for her to nod her head in agreement. Bilbo looked at her with an ‘ _are you serious?_ ’ look.

“Did you know that your great-great-great-great-uncle Bullroarer Took was so large, he could ride a real horse?” Gandalf announced.

“Yes,” Bilbo answered like a schoolboy being lectured for the thousandth time.

“Yes, well, he could. In the Battle of Green Fields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard, it knocked the Goblin king's head clean off and it sailed 100 yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus, the battle was won. And the game of golf invented at the same time.”

“ Really ?” Jina Ae laughed,as she imagined a head flying into a hole, “ That’s not how it is in my world.”

“I do believe you made that up,” Bilbo agreed.

“Well, all good stories deserve embellishment,” Gandalf muttered, “You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back.”

“Can you promise that I will come back?” Bilbo asked, his voice wavering. Jin Ae placed a hand on his shoulder, looking at Gandalf.

“No,” He exhaled, “And if you do, you will not be the same.”

“ That's what I thought,” Bilbo stood up, “Sorry, Gandalf, I can't sign this. You've got the wrong Hobbit.”

“ Are you sure Bilbo?” Jin Ae asked. When he nodded his head and went straight for the stairs, she knew that it was over. There was no way Thorin would let her join them without Bilbo. Jina Ae herself wasn’t excited with the idea of going on an adventure without Bilbo. She knew Thorin would probably get sick of her and toss her into the nearest forest once they start their journey.Aside from that, she did promise Bilbo to stay for another week.

Jin Ae watched the Shire form the window. The moon hung above them like a beacon, shining brilliantly against the void of the night. She could hear an owl in the distance, accompanied by the singing of Cicadas.

She and Gandalf exchanged looks before they watched Bilbo disappear above the stairs.

 

 

 

Michael loved to sing.

He would always drive her crazy with his singing, even if he had a nice voice. He would embarrass her in public by suddenly bursting into a song, attracting unwanted attention. The more she shows him that it bothered her, the more he’d sing out loud. He would sing songs from Spotify’s top 50 to songs she’d never heard before. He would be singing one verse of a Disney song before completely switching to _TWICE_ (a Kpop band.)

She used to joke about how much she hated it, telling him to stop.

Now she would do anything to hear him sing one last time. Whether it would wake her up at three in the morning or prevent her from focusing on work, she couldn’t care less. All she wanted was to hear him one more time.

She got her wish when she heard Thorin sing that night.

Her room was just beside the pantry, hence she could hear their conversation. She could also hear them talk about how ridiculous it is for her and Bilbo to ‘commune’ together. She made a mental note to hit Kili with her other flat for suggesting that they are sharing a bed. She was grateful for whoever had slapped him, as she could hear him exclaim an ‘ _ow_!’

“You don’t have to do this,” She recognized the voice as Balin’s, “You have a choice. You’ve done honorably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains. A life of peace and plenty. A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor.”

Her heart ached at his words.

She couldn’t imagine how painful it is for all of them to lose their homes. She couldn’t imagine how much they must’ve missed it. They were chased away from their home, it would be as if to wake up one day to suddenly lose everything. But would it be worth the risk? What if they die before they get to even see it?

She shook the thought out of her head, going out of the covers to crawl to the door. She sat against the wooden floor, her sleeping gown pooling around her as she pressed her ear against the door.

“From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me. They dreamt of the day when the dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. There is no choice, Balin. Not for me.”

She frowned, feeling pity for the young prince. He is a king without a crown, without a throne, and without a kingdom. Of course, he wants to reclaim their land, even if he cannot promise his return. It’s his duty, his responsibility. The weight he carries on his shoulders must cause him all of that brooding and glaring, and she felt a little guilty for judging him.

“Then we are with you, laddie. We will see it done.”

She reached for the blanket, pulling it around herself as she pressed her body against the door. She traced her fingers on the rough surface as he sang, closing her eyes and imagining Michael. But she couldn’t, maybe because deep down, she knew that they were two different people. They come from two different worlds, one was an FBI agent and the other a king.

One was six feet underground and one wants to join him by embarking on this quest.

The idea of him dying bothered her more than she wanted to. She was a doctor, the sound of someone dying is frightening. But the thought of Thorin dying made her upset, no, it made her more than upset.It made her want to go out there and beg for him to not go, it made her want to barricade the door to stop him from going and even worse it made her want to go with him.She tried to surpass the tears brimming in her eyes, and she didn’t knew whether it was for the lost king under the mountain or for her dead boyfriend.

She doesn’t like to cry for Michael, she shouldn’t cry for him. He should exist in her mind as a happy memory, not as something to weep about. What would he feel if he sees her like this? He wouldn’t be at peace. The least she could do is try to move on, because Michael’s not coming back, no matter how much she wished him to, she knew that this was the one wish no one could grant her.

Thorin Oakenshield wasn’t Michael Hawkins.

She repeated it in her head over and over like a mantra, before sleep finally engulfed her. The last thing she heard was his baritone voice, and it made her heart hurt to hear how sad it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you all know, I am not a native english speaker. Hence, I apologize for any grammar mistakes !


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments ! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, I've re-watched the first Hobbit movie to be able to portray the scenes more accurately. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter !

**Chapter 7 ; Running, Moria and Ebbing Tides**  

 

_" Tell me your story_

_Start from the beginning_

_Start from where you felt unloved._

_Tell me the things that you're afraid to admit._

_Tell me what is it that you want most in this world._

_I want to know what makes you happy._

_I want to make you happy again."_

_\- AVA_

 

* * *

 

 

 “Lady Jin Ae !”

She jolted awake, hitting her head against the wooden surface of the door. Wincing, she stood up, rubbing the top of her head. She looked around, blinking away the sleep in her eyes. The sun hasn’t fully risen yet, the faintest touch of dawn peeking through the hills of the Shire. She didn’t have to look at the clock on the wall to tell that it’s still in the early hours of the morning, not even the roosters have woken up yet.

There was another knock on the door, this time it was gentler. Realizing that she had left someone outside she instantly swung the door open, forgetting that she was in her nightdress. The dwarf before her reacted in an instant, shyly avoiding his eyes and gluing them on the roof.

“ L-lady Jin Ae !” Ori stammered, and she remembered him as the youngest of the group, “ I’m sorry to bother you but you can get dressed first, I’ll wait.”

“ Uh,” She looked around her room, grabbing the coat draped on her armchair. She quickly wrapped herself before clearing her throat, “I guess I’m dressed.”

 He removed his eyes from the ceiling, to only give her another bewildered look. As if to say _‘this is your idea of being dressed?’_

Jin Ae dismissed his silent protest, leaning against the doorframe, “ Can I help you with anything ?”

“I came to say goodbye. I thank you on behalf of the company for your hospitality. We don’t want to bother Mr.Baggins. It seems that he had enough of us for one night.”

“You’re leaving already?” Jin Ae asked, stepping out into the corridor to see the rest of the dwarves hauling their bags. She spotted the Durin brothers sharpening their weapons, Kili with his bows and Fili with his sword. She didn’t like the idea of having to carry around weapons, but she supposed that was how thing work here.

“ Ah, Lady Jin Ae,” Gandalf smiled at her, “ Good morning.”

She nodded, “ Good morning, Gandalf.”

“ I suppose you are not coming?” He asked, furrowing his brows.

“ I would love to, but that contract was meant for Bilbo,” She answered with a hint of sadness in her voice, “ Besides, I can find my way to this person you speak of.”

He had told her last night about Lord Elrond and the Hidden Valley of Imladris, otherwise known as Rivendell. They have talked about it in hushed voices, trying to get away from the dwarves’ earshot. She knew that Dwarves and Elves weren’t in good terms, and she didn’t want to be caught discussing them.

“ I wish you all the luck in the world, Lady Jin Ae,” Gandalf replied, although he looked at her as if this wasn’t going to be the last time they meet. Like a magician who still has one trick left up his sleeves.

“Where’s Thorin?” She asked, tearing her eyes away to look for him, “Is he still angry about the shoe that he didn’t want to say goodbye himself?”

“Do you really think so lowly of me to assume that I wouldn’t thank the lady of the house?”

She spun around, nearly bumping into him in the process. From this proximity, she finally gets to see him properly. He was taller than she had expected a dwarf to be, and she had to crane her neck to be at his eye level. The first thing she noticed was how blue his eyes were from up close. It was like all the myriad shades of blue swirled together to form a whirlpool of apprehension. She could tell by his body language that he did not like her and those flickering azure eyes confirmed his thoughts.

“Considering that you still believe I’m the lady of the house, yes,” She replied with a slight edge to her tone, “It’s Bilbo you should thank, not me.”

“ Very well, please tell Master Baggins that we are grateful for his hospitality, and apologize if we had caused him any inconveniences. Thank you as well, for being a patient host; I am grateful for the assault with your shoe. Is it customary from your people?”

‘ _So he wants an apology_ ,’ She scoffed mentally. Gandalf was long gone, along with most of the dwarves.

“I’ll tell him” She nodded, unable to keep eye contact. She looked at the rest of the company, who are already moving out of the door, “ I’m sorry for hitting you with my shoe, but is it also a custom for your people to barge into someone’s house without an appointment ?”

“I’m sorry I gave you a fright,” He apologized, without sounding sorry at all, “You don’t have to worry about seeing us dwarves anymore now; I can assure you that we will not come back.”

She didn’t know how to respond to that. His voice sounded so cold and distant, but then again she reminded herself that they weren’t even friends, not even acquaintances. She stole another look at him, and she couldn’t help but notice how regal he carries himself. The way his coat was elegantly draped around his tunic, the bits of silver armour he wore complementing the deep blue colour of his tunic. He certainly carries himself like a king, and she ducked her head when he caught her staring.

“Good luck on your journey,” She didn’t mean for it to come out so softly, “Please be careful.”

She couldn’t pinpoint what he felt when she said those words to him, but he almost seemed reluctant to go. That might have just been a trick of the eye, because he walked straight towards the door without a word, before leaving with it clicking shut behind him. Once again the Smial was empty as if no one had been there that night.

She stared at the contract for Bilbo, it laid there on the table, Balin’s and Thorin’s signatures written on it, leaving an empty space for Bilbo’s below.

Finally, she decided that it wouldn’t hurt to pack, because when she passed a picture of Bilbo’s mother, she had a feeling that he wasn’t going to let this chance slip away.

 

 

For the first time in a while, Jin Ae felt alive.

She felt the blood rush to her face as she and Bilbo ran through the Shire. For someone small, he certainly does run quickly. He was bolting in front of her, jumping over fences and sprinting over rocks. Jin Ae found it difficult to run as she was laughing at the sight of him bouncing around like some kind of forest creature. She grinned at the feeling of the wind rushing past her ears as she begins to catch up with him.

“ Bilbo hold on !” She laughed, clutching onto her pack tighter. He slowed down, extending his hand to her. She raised a brow at his sudden boldness, but she took his hand as he ran down the hill. What an odd sight they made, a sixty-year-old hobbit hand in hand with a woman in pants, she could’ve sworn they gave Lobelia Sackville Baggins a heart attack as they passed by her garden.

She wasn’t the least surprised when he woke up an hour ago with his hair still sticking out all over the place. He wore a conflicted look on his face, wondering if he should chase after them. She knew his decision before he called her, and he came running into the kitchen to see that she was ready with her shirt, blue overalls and a pack in one shoulder. She had been filling another pack when she saw him.

“Well don’t just stand there,” She passed him the pack, “ Get your clothes, let’s go !”

He paused for a moment, dumbfounded.

“ Bilbo, you wanting a sign for whether you should go or not, is a sign that you should !” She placed both her hands on his shoulders, “You don’t want to miss this adventure.”

He let out a big laugh, “No, I don’t.”

She had never seen him this ecstatic before, and not a moment later she was by the door with him.

“Shall we Mr.Baggins ?” She joked, holding it open for him.

Bilbo took a deep breath, and she couldn’t be happier when he looked at her with fondness in his eyes, the playful kind you’d share with a dear friend.

“After you, Lady Jin Ae,” He bowed mockingly, before sprinting past her and out into his garden, “But try to keep up !”

Soon they were out of the borders, but as they ran, they still haven’t caught sight of the company. It was only until Jin Ae caught a blur of black and brown did she pulled Bilbo to the side, pointing at the other direction, “There!”

The two of them ran like there was no tomorrow, screaming together, “Wait!”

Jin Ae didn’t realize how shrilled her voice sounded, but if it wasn’t for it the company might not have stopped. They all turned to look at the pair as they jogged up to the front, panting as they came to a halt. Jin Ae didn’t miss the way Thorin looked at her, and she expected nothing less than his usual glare, although there was an edge to them.

“ I signed it,” Bilbo waved the contract, handing it over to Balin. The old dwarf smiled knowingly, taking the contract and inspecting it.

“Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield,” He announced.

“What may I ask, are you doing here?” Thorin asked her. She looked up at him on his horse, who was looking past her eyes and straight onto her hands, which was intertwined with Bilbo’s. She immediately let go, and she could feel Kili snickering on his horse.

“I’m here to join your company, temporarily.”

“You’re not welcomed,” He replied curtly.

She frowned at his bluntness, but before she could say anything else Gandalf spoke, “ She will be traveling with me.”

Everyone looked at the grey wizard, who extended his hand towards Jin Ae, “ If you refuse to accept her into your Company Thorin Oakenshield then I will, I am not someone who will leave a woman to fend for herself in these woods. You said it yourself; it is not a place for women like her.”

Thorin glowered at him, and Jin-Ae quickly accepted Gandalf’s offer. She squeaked as she was hauled onto the big horse, her body tensing as the animal neighed. She had never been on a horse before, therefore she didn’t know where to put her hands on. She settled for his shoulders, but the height difference made it awkward, and hence she placed them on his sides. She could hear the company laughing to themselves at the sight of her struggle, especially Kili.

Bilbo, who looked as equally uncomfortable on his pony, gave her a wry smile. She caught the sight of Balin, who smiled softly at her as if to apologize for Thorin’s behavior. She could see Dwalin eyeing her suspiciously as always, but he didn’t seem threatened by her, although she couldn’t blame him for his distrust. She caught sight of the brothers as well; Fili gave her a quick nod and smile, polite and friendly. Whereas his brother gave her a wink and grin, either to welcome her or to mock her she couldn’t tell. She turned to look at the road ahead, and she gripped onto her pack tightly.

Sighing as she could feel Thorin’s eyes burn holes against her back.

 

 

 

“You must be hungry.”

Jin Ae looked up at the bowl being offered to her. She took it gingerly with both hands, smiling at Balin. She tugged the cloak tighter around her body as she felt the wind howl through the trees. Balin, who saw this, offered her to sit by the fire with him. She smiled at the invitation, getting up to move.

“ Thank you. I think you’re the only one who doesn’t think I’m some kind of intruder,” Jin Ae laughed nervously. Balin looked at her, and he reminded her so much of her father. She wondered what he was doing now, and more importantly, whether he was alright.

“Lass, no one thinks you’re an intruder,” He chuckled, “We just don’t usually travel around women. To have one amongst the company is strange no doubt, so you must excuse them for their behavior.”

“Women don’t travel in Middle Earth?” She asked curiously, taking a spoonful of soup.

“ It differs amongst race,” He shrugged, “ But nonetheless it’s strange, for women to travel, much more go on quests.”

She knew he was leaving a portion of his own culture in the dark, but she respected his decision to not tell her. She feels as if she hasn’t earned their trust yet after all Bilbo told her that dwarves are secretive; it would make sense if they didn’t want to share their lifestyle to her yet. She left it at that, and together they shared a comfortable silence as they ate by the fire.

“You’re healer lass?” He asked suddenly.

“Yes,” She answered, taking ‘healer’ as another word for ‘medic’, “I’m a trauma surgeon. I treat people with severe injuries.”

“That’s a tough line of work for a lady such as you.”

“So I’ve heard, but I’m pretty good at my job,” She admitted confidently. She prided herself in her work, “Although, I’m not familiar with the type of medicine you use here in Middle Earth. I might have to learn from you, Mister Balin.”

“I’d be happy to teach you about it, and please, it’s just Balin,” He corrected to with a smile.

She sneakily looked at Thorin, who was sitting a few feet from her with his back against the stone. She couldn’t help but smile at him as he struggled to stay awake. His eyes were starting to flutter shut and she had the strangest feeling of wanting to reach out to him and tuck back the stray strands of his hair.

Just as the silence was beginning to settle amongst them, a distant howl pierced the air. It sounded more like a screech than one, yet it was enough to make her shrink further inside her cloak. Before she could ask what it was, Bilbo walked over them, panic settling in his eyes.

“ Orcs,” Kili spoke from behind them.

“Orcs?” Bilbo questioned, that itself was enough to break Thorin out of his trance. His eyes flew open, and she didn’t miss the way his hands automatically reach for his sword. She wondered when the last time he had a good night’s rest was.

“Throat-cutters,” Fili joined in, “There'll be dozens of them out there.”

“ The Lone-lands are crawling with them,” Kili continued , “ They strike in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams. Just lots of blood.”

“ Really?” Jin Ae asked warily.

“You think that's funny?” Thorin stood up, and for a moment she thought his stern warning had been directed to her, until she saw the way Kili shrunk under his gaze, “ You think a night raid by Orcs is a joke?”

“ We didn’t mean anything by it,” Kili whispered apologetically, eyes mimicking that of a puppy who had just been kicked.

“No you didn’t,” He scolded, “ You know nothing of the world.”

She looked at the brothers as Thorin stalked off and she scooted closer to them, “I’m sure he’s just on edge, I should’ve known you two just wanted to tease for laughs.”

“ Don’t mind him, laddie,” Balin comforted, “ Thorin has more cause than most to hate orcs.”

Balin proceeded to retell the story of the Battle of Moria. She listened intently at his story as if she was a child once more. She was so absorbed in his story that she didn’t see Thorin looking at her. He wasn’t glaring at her, nor was he scowling. He was simply taking in the sight of her, with a cloak slung over the side of one shoulder and the way her chin rests above her knees. His mind wandered over the curve of her lashes, the gentle surface of her cheeks and he wondered to himself if they were as soft as he imagined them to be.

Stunned at his thoughts, this was all the more reason that she shouldn’t be here. She looked so small, judging from the way her pants lightly hung around her waist. He was afraid that a fall from her horse was enough to break her bones; she looked so fragile against the fire, so delicate. He had caught sight of her hands, and they looked as if they haven’t known labor, with neatly trimmed nails and gentle skin.

He walked towards the edge of the cliff, looking up to the sky as he kept an ear at Balin’s story.

_“That is when I saw him, a young Dwarf prince, facing down the pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe. His armour rent, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield.”_

Jin Ae listened in awe, her lips slightly parting as a soft gasp escape them. She imagined Thorin, facing down his enemy. She imagined him beaten and bruised, yet never failing to stand up after each fall.

_“Azog the Defiler learned that day, that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied and drove the Orcs back. And our enemy had been defeated.”_

Jin Ae watched as Thorin stood by the ledge, above him with only the starlight and waxing moon for light, the blackness was almost complete. She couldn’t see his face from where he is standing, but she could almost feel his sadness under all his anger. He had lost everything, his grandfather, his father, his people, his home and his kingdom. She was sure the list goes on.

_“ I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow. There is one, I could call king.”_

As Thorin turned around, their eyes met. She couldn’t properly describe what she was feeling; it was like the ebbing of the tide under the full moon. She was drawn to him, no matter how much she ignored it , as if they were two lost boats tied with this rope they cannot cut. He held her gaze, before turning to walk back to his area, leaving her to stare into the pine trees as they rustle noisily against the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I just like the idea of Jin Ae being good friends with Bilbo, considering how she helped brought out his 'Took' side of the family.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update ! School have started for me and I'm currently in my exam week, so I can't promise quick updates, but I haven't given up on this story yet !

**Chapter 8 ;**

**Rain, Trolls and Caterpillars**

_" An object needn’t be large to hold great mass._   
_That girl, as tiny as a violet._   
_That girl, drifting in the sky like the petals of a flower draws me to her with a force greater than the one exerted by the earth._   
_In a single moment, I fell and rolled toward her without a rhyme or reason, just as Newton’s apple did._   
_With a thump. With a thump-thump. My heart bounced from the heavens to the earth in a dizzying perpendicular motion._   
_Such was the moment I’d first fallen in love."_

_— Kim In-yook, “The Physics of Love”_

 

* * *

 

The rain didn’t hesitate to pour its anger over her, its chill soaking right under her skin and into her bones. The clouds which struggled to withstand the burden of the weight the rain held, soon gave in. The rain poured down over the company with a roar. The sound of emptiness was disrupted by the loud boom of thunder in the distant, it echoed through the trees, unsettling the ponies as they neigh restlessly.

Jin Ae wrapped both her arms around her shoulder to block out the unforgiving chill, but it did nothing but soak her clothes even further. Under this circumstance, she didn’t regret taking that flu shot two months ago. It certainly paid off, because she suspected that she could’ve gotten pneumonia the second she landed here. She was also glad that Gandalf’s hat was big enough for her to avoid getting wet, even if it only covered 1/3 of her shoulders.

“ Mr. Gandalf?” Dori called out from behind, “ Can’t you do something about this deluge?”

“It is raining, master dwarf. And it will continue to rain until the rain is done! “ He answered back, “If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard.”

Jin Ae sneezed, the force nearly propelling her backward and off the horse. She grabbed Gandalf’s sleeves, steadying herself as she sneezed some more.

Maybe she had gotten the flu shot on March instead of September.

“ You are catching a cold Lady Jin Ae !” Gandalf looked back, and Jin-Ae only buried her face against her sleeves, shaking her head as the rain continue to pour buckets of water on top of her head.

“ I-I’m fine,” She shivered, tugging her damp cloak tighter. It was meant to warm her up, but it only made her shiver even more, “ Don’t worry about me.”

She leaned pathetically against Gandalf’s back. It does snow in both South Korea and London, but it was different back then. The surgeon never had to expose herself to the harsh climates, the furthest thing was when she had to sleep outside during winter because she had lost her keys. That itself was a traumatic experience because she was terrible at handling cold climate. If the company knew that she nearly got sent to the hospital that night ( because her neighbors were too intimidating to ask for help from), they would definitely drop her off in the next human village.

It was then, did she felt a heavyweight drape itself over her shoulders. She flipped the top of the cloak that had covered her eyes, and she saw Bofur riding next to her, holding another cloak above her like an umbrella.

“ You alright my lady?” He asked, his tone sounding too happy under the downpour, yet she was more than thankful for it lifted her spirits.

 Her eyes widened, “ Ah, thank you!”

“Don’t only thank me, the lads behind also offered their cloaks,” He gestured behind, and she saw Fili and Kili waved at her,  every inch of their body soaked.

“ Are you sure?” She looked at the cloak draped around her, “ I can’t take this, they’ll freeze to death.”

“ Don’t put much thought into it lass,” He assured, lifting the cloak around him higher to stretch it above her head, “ We dwarves are tougher than we look.  A little rain won’t do much to us, you, on the other hand, are a different matter all together. We were talking about how you could’ve frozen to death if this continues.”

She reminded herself about the forges under Erebor, on how the fire could’ve melted the meat off their bones if it wasn't for their tough skins. Aulë made them very strong, not only in their character but also in the body. They must be accustomed to the extreme climates of the mountain, whether it would be from harsh snow that covers the mountaintops or the heat of the earth’s core.

“ Besides,” He continued, leaning closer to her to whisper, “ One of those cloaks belong to Dwalin, so don’t try to return it to him or else he’ll think you’re doubting his strength to withstand this rain."

She smiled warmly, turning to look at Dwalin. He seemed to be looking in another direction as if purposely avoiding eye contact. The same could be said about Thorin, who ignored her as if she wasn’t there. Nonetheless, she flashed both of them a smile, because she was finally getting closer to the company! It was a small improvement, but at least they were now conversing, and the gestured moved her deeply.

Jin Ae and Bofur fall into a conversation, mostly Jin Ae did the sharing, telling him about her world and how she ended up in his. Soon, more dwarves began to crowd next to them to hear her story, and she was too absorbed in telling them about how cars function that she didn’t realize a few things. She didn’t realize how Gandalf purposely stirred the horse to move slower so she could talk to them, she didn’t realize that the clouds have begun to thin to reveal the sun and she didn’t realize that Thorin had been listening to them the entire time.

 

* * *

 

She found that the easiest dwarf to approach was Balin. He didn’t seemed as intimidating as the others, and he always greeted her warmly.He told her about his days in the mountain as the King’s consort, stories about Thorin’s father and grandfather, stories about the lost kingdom she may have not known.

“ Balin,” She cleared her throat, “ You said you have been the king’s consort for nearly eight decades. Would that make you, more than eighty? I hope I’m not rude for asking this.”

He set his bowl aside, looking at her as if he was looking at a three-headed duck, “ Lass, are you trying to make me blush? Dwalin! What did I tell ya? I don’t look a day over eighty.”

Dwalin rolled his eyes at his older brother, “ Don’t flatter the old man lass, he’s reaching his mid two hundred’s soon.”

Jin Ae’s gawked at Dwalin, before looking back at Balin with the same look. She must look ridiculous at the moment, as she gaped at them like a koi fish, judging from the way Bofur was snickering in the background. She tilted her head sideways, and maybe if the company come closer they might even hear the gears in her head spinning.

“ Didn’t anyone tell you?” Dwalin looked at her quizzically, “ Dwarves age differently than humans.”

She blinked, before hitting her forehead with her palm. She winced, cringing at her own reaction earlier, she should’ve known! Bilbo probably didn’t tell her because he had expected her to take it as common sense, especially after he told her about his age.

“ I’m sorry,” She blushed in embarrassment.

“ Nothing to be sorry for,” Balin chuckled, “ Dwalin here is a few years short behind me.”

Jin Ae glanced at Thorin, who was isolating himself in the edge of the campsite. He was brooding again, and she was starting to suspect that his way of smiling is to scowl. Balin, who noticed this answered, “ He’s not a young man anymore that’s for sure, his days of youth are long gone after the dragon attacked, but he’s not to be called an old man either. Thorin’s only 195.”

Jin Ae nearly swallowed to spoon in her mouth, and she pulled it out, choking on Bombur’s stew. The hot liquid burnt her tongue, and she immediately raised her cup onto her mouth, trying to not choke herself with it as well. She didn’t like the idea of dying because she found out that Thorin Oakenshield was one hundred ninety-five years old when he doesn’t look a day over thirty.

“ How about you lass ?” Bofur smirked, “ How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?”

“ And I thought you weren't supposed to ask a lady about her age,” she joked.

“ Well, you’ve made it very clear that you want to be treated as an equal. You are already starting an uprising by wearing those,” He pointed at her pants,“ You’re also one button away from being half naked.”

Jin Ae wrapped her hands around herself, suddenly feeling exposed, “ I’m dressed perfectly fine thank you. My buttons are all in place except for the top one, or do you expect me to choke in this shirt? As for my overalls, I think they cover everything.”

“ Covering everything doesn’t mean it’s modest,” Nori joined in, sitting down next to her, “ You’re practically running around with your calves bare!”

“ You wouldn’t stand a chance in my world,” She shook her head, “ Where I’m from, at least the country I’m currently living in, you’re allowed to wear anything you want. It’s our rights to do so, it’s the freedom to express our thoughts. Anyone who tries to force them to change what they are wearing will face the consequences. Whether your clothes would cover you from head to toe or barely fit around your thighs, no one care as long as you’re not exposing any privates.”

“Besides,” She added shyly, “ A lot of people do a terrible job at covering their privates.”

“Savages !” Dori sneered as if he had just smelled a carton of rotten eggs.

“Interesting,” Bofur whistled, his wolfish grin widened as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. He shared a knowing look with Nori before opening his mouth to say something, most likely something that inquired her about the type of clothes she wears back home, or the clothes he presumed she wore at home, but Thorin beat him to it.

“ Enough of this,” Thorin walked over them, “ Woman, I suggest you divert your stories somewhere else before you toss out the last bit of decency you have.”

Jin Ae opened her mouth to protest, it wasn’t her fault that Bofur and Nori had decided to add in one of their lewd jokes. She wanted to ask him right there and then on what his problem was, on what could possibly make her so unpleasant to him that he wanted to avoid her like the plague and critique her as if she was a child. However, she never got to ask him as they heard shouting in the distance.

Her blood went cold once she recognized one of the voices as Bilbo’s.

 

* * *

 

Jin Ae was used to working under pressure.

Being a trauma surgeon requires her to jump into action right away, the job demands her to be ready at all times. Her body needs to react before her mind, assessing the situation and the procedures to make sure the patient gets out alive. She was used to working under a certain limit of time. It wasn’t a big deal to her when it could’ve been for everybody else.

The pressure of having to save someone wasn’t a strange concept to her.

Yet, the pressure of having to save fourteen people from being cooked alive by trolls was new.

She squatted against the clearing, watching in horror as the trolls tied half of the company onto a stick. They were trying to grill them like beef, sitting them over the fire slowly. She knew she had to do something, judging from how they were arguing; they won’t hesitate to eat them alive either.

The company was too quick to rush in, everyone charging with weapons. In the midst of all the commotion, someone had deliberately pushed her aside into a swarm of bushes, hiding her from view. She had looked around, trying to grab a weapon to help, to make herself useful. As much as she hated the idea of going face to face with a troll, she knew she had to do something. Unfortunately, the fight ended just as quickly as it had started. The dwarves had no choice but to give up their weapons as they threatened to tear Bilbo apart. Jin Ae watched in horror as they all get tossed around. It was in that moment did she knew she had to do something.

She tiptoed over to half of the company that were being cocooned in sacks, and she approached the closest person, which just had to be Thorin. She held a sharp stone between her fingers, getting ready to cut the ropes. She tapped Thorin in the shoulder, who nearly head butted her in surprise, yet she raised both her arms, signalling him to stop.

“ What are you doing here?” He hissed, wiggling as she tried to cut the binds off him.

“ I’m trying to save your life!” She whispered harshly, “ Now stop wiggling like a caterpillar so I can cut the binds!”

He seemed to have wanted to comment on her insult, yet decided better against it, clamping his mouth shut before giving her the usual glare.

“ You’re going to get yourself killed,” He sneered as he watched Jin Ae struggled with the binds, her hands turning red under the friction. She threw the rock in defeat, narrowing her eyes at him.

“ I’m not as incompetent as you think I am,” She huffed, “ Now sit still while I think of another way.”

“ Aye, I doubt I would be going anywhere,” He replied dryly, which she tried very hard to ignore. She tried to recall what the movie was like, but she hadn’t got a clue. She hit her head a couple of times, muttering to herself, making Thorin look at her in a way that eerily reminds her of the one her high school principal would give her whenever she couldn’t spell an English word properly. ( she struggled with the word ‘ unnecessary’ for quite a long time)

She spotted Bilbo, who was also frantically looking for a way to get out of this mess. She crouched down next to him, who nearly headbutted her as well. She placed both her hands on his shoulders, motioning for him to stay quiet. He nodded wordlessly, looking back and forth between the trolls.

“Never mind the seasoning, we ain’t got all night! Dawn ain’t far away, let’s get a move on! I don’t fancy been turned to stone,” One of the trolls, probably the ugliest one, exclaimed.

Jin Ae and Bilbo shared a look, the kind siblings would when their mother accidentally slip up that she was going out of town for the next two weeks. She pulled Bilbo up to his feet, rushing over to get the trolls attention, ignoring the way Thorin wiggled furiously around like a caterpillar waiting to break out of his cocoon.

“ Wait !” They both yelled, catching the trolls’ attention. They were scarier up close, with a mouth big enough to cut her body clean half. Jin Ae swallowed, trying to prevent her body from trembling.

“ Hey !” She pointed at the Troll, “You! Yes, I’m talking to you, how dare you! Have you got no matters at all! What would your mother say if she sees you right now, disrespecting a lady like this? Shame on you and your brothers !”

All three heads look at her incredulously while the rest of the company looked at her scandalized as if she had just snogged their fathers in front of them.

“ What are you talking about? Who are you ?” One of them asked, and Jin-Ae pretended to look insulted, placing her hands on her hips as she faked gasped.

“Hey! Is that how you talk to a woman ?” She exclaimed, sounding like a woman scorned, “Shouldn’t you ask for my name properly? Huh? What kind of gentlemen are you ?”

One of them winced at her tone, guiltily looking at her, “We didn’t mean it that way...”

“ Oh ?” She pressed on, “ What do you mean you don’t mean it that way? Shouldn’t you apologize for your actions instead of using reasons to cover it up ?” She stepped closer, raising her voice in a pitch that would’ve caused her father to tape her lips shut, “ Oh I see, I see what’s going on here! You think you’re all better than me! Were you all raised in a barn? Ridiculous!”

“ Wait, we’re sorry, we didn’t-“

“ Who are you?” One of them cut off, bellowing impatiently.

“ Who am I?” She squawked, “ What a nice way to ask someone....”

She trailed off,  looking at Bilbo for answers, who in return quickly mouthed a few words to her.

“...Who was about to give you advice on how to properly cook dwarves !”

That was when the company erupted, voices of disagreements mingled in the air, not allowing her to speak properly. She gave the company a frustrated look, to which Thorin seemed to have noticed, causing him to nudge them into silence.

“ Advice?” He scoffed, “ Why should we take advice from a woman with pants?”

“ That’s right, the lady’s wearing trousers!” The other one agreed, pointing at her clothes, “ Maybe she’s not a lady after all!”

“ Hey!” She yelled, “ You rather I take it off? Is that it ?”

She angrily made a motion to slide off one strap of her overall, and out of the corner of her eyes, she could see Thorin look at her as if she was going to murder someone in their sleep. She bet he didn’t even look that mortified when he faced down Azog. She wasn’t really going to take off her clothes, she was just buying Gandalf some time, who was sneaking his way past the boulder behind them. The rest of the company yelled, while the trolls quickly averted their eyes as well, quickly stammering-

“ That’s not it!”

“ We would never ask that from a lady !”

“ That’s indecent, even for trolls !”

“ Then stop complaining !” She yelled, looking at Bilbo, telling him that it was his turn now. He gulped nervously, fidgeting inside his sack.

“ They also have parasites !” Bilbo exclaimed, which resulted in more complaints from the dwarves. Jin Ae didn’t really know what happened next, it was all a blur, a mixture of arguments from both parties. She could hear Kili claiming that he had parasites as big as his arms and the trolls bickering back and forth before Gandalf cracked the boulder behind them open to reveal the sun. After his dramatic entrance, the trolls immediately turned into stone, earning a sigh of relief from Jin-Ae. She could feel her legs wobble underneath her as shock overcomes her body.

“ Jin Ae,” Bilbo asked worriedly, “ Are you alright?”

She shook her head, covering her face with both her hands. That question was enough to make her legs give out from under her, causing her to fall forward. A pair of arms caught her, but they weren’t Bilbo’s. Thorin placed an arm around her shoulder, steadying her against his side.

“ You did well,Woman,” He murmured, trying to get her back on her feet, “ It’s over.”

She nodded mutely, turning towards the rest of the company as they work their way through the bonds on their arms and legs. She didn’t even bother to ask Thorin how he got out so quickly, she was grateful that it was over now.

Kili jogged over to them, looking too cheerful for his own good as he flashed her a grin.

“ Were you really going to take off your clothes for the trolls to save us ?”

Jin Ae gave him a disgusted look before swatting his shoulders, avoiding the way Thorin seemed to be amused as well.


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I told you, i’m not a man you can be friends with.  
> Since the beginning you were a woman to me.  
> And in the future, you will be my first love.  
> -Choi Young Do, Heirs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the awfully long wait for this update my readers ! I've been caught up in a flurry of work from both school and my social life, I doubt much of you are still keeping up, and I don't blame you because this is very,very late  
> On a side not, I also published this story on Wattpad ! It will be under the title Second Chances under the username -asgardians and on fanfiction.com under the title Second Chances and Red Strings  
> Any other forms of this work in any other site doesn't belong to me !  
> Thank you and enjoy this chapter loves !

**Chapter 9 ;**

**Swords, Wolves and Rabbits**

_" I told you, i’m not a man you can be friends with._  
_Since the beginning you were a woman to me._  
_And in the future, you will be my first love."_

_\- Choi Young Do, Heirs_

 

* * *

 

" Gandalf, I can't take this."

Jin Ae's voice was barely above a whisper when the wizard handed her the small blade, the piece of sharp steel glinted under the faint traces of sunlight peeking through the walls of the troll cave, causing the blade to glow gently under shadows. Despite her hesitation, she could feel the weapon luring her to take it from his hands, tempting her to feel the smoothness of its craftsmanship under her nimble fingers.

Yet Jin Ae didn't move a muscle, eying it warily as her fingers twitched beside her. It made her uncertain, nervous even, from the way the rest of the company were sneaking glances towards her.  
" I understand your reluctance to fight, lady Jin Ae," The grey wizard sighed, " But you must."

" Kili has offered to teach me the bow and arrow," She reasoned," I think that's enough to protect me, right?"

" I doubt it lass," Dwalin replied gruffly, standing next to her. His stern eyes leveled her own, yet he seemed to be almost concerned, “ The boy knows how to wield a sword even if he carries a bow and arrow, you don’t know how to use either.”

“ You don’t even know how to fight properly yet,” Bofur chirped in from the other side of the cave, his voice echoing throughout the stone walls, “ It’s best if you have a sword with you, even if that looks more like a needle.”

Jin Ae flushed with embarrassment as the others stared at her, giving in she took the sword, the weight pressing against her palms.

Jin Ae wasn’t a pacifist, yet she has never done anything remotely violent in her life. It was mandatory for every workplace to hold self-defense classes during orientation, but even there Jin Ae did nothing but watch promotional videos on how to stay safe on the streets and learn the different brands of pepper spray you can get on the market, to say she couldn’t fight would be an understatement, Jin Ae knew nothing about it.

Bofur was right, the sword was more like a needle than it was a weapon. It was lightweight, barely weighing more than the reigns on her horse. She was afraid that if she was to swing it around, it would leap out of her arms and puncture someone. Her reflection stared back at her, mirroring the worry flashing before her eyes.

She cast a pleading look at Dwalin, who seemed unfazed, staring back at her passively. It was his way of saying that the decision was final, she was going to carry a sword with her whether she liked it or not. He ignored Nori, who was burying a pile of gold and hoarded treasure.

" We're making a long term deposit," He quipped at Dwalin and her, to which she only replied with a small chuckle, while Dwalin held the urge to roll his eyes.

" Let's get out of this foul place," Thorin declared, his voice demanded authority, catching the attention of everyone and they all scurried out with their findings. Thorin snuck a glance at her sword, before nodding appreciatively.

" Must be man-made then," Dwalin joked in a gruff voice.

" What is it with Thorin and elves," Jin Ae lamented, " He can't hate an entire race for the actions of one, that's just terribly rude and small minded of him."

" Aye lass, that's what everyone says," He grumbled, " But if anyone here has the right to hold that sort of grudge, it's Thorin."

She thought back at the story Balin told that night, about how he had lost his home and people in all one day and was forced to live as an exile for years. She watched him sadly, pursing her lips together.

She trudged out of the cave and came face to face with Bilbo, who was holding a sword himself. She didn't need to ask to know that it's elf made, the smooth edges rippling under the sunlight like water across a river bank.

" Gandalf told me to wield one," Bilbo chuckled nervously.

" He's pretty good and persuading people to do things they don't want to is he ?" Jin Ae murmured, struggling to sheathe it on the side of her waist.

Before the hobbit could reply, a commotion drew the company into the woods, their boots crunching against the ground as they rushed towards the noise. When she heard everyone unsheathing their swords and Jin Ae quickly clutched onto the handle of her own weapon, cautiously following them with Bilbo.

Out of the canopies of trees and plants, a man emerged on a sled pulled by rabbits, if she had said this out loud back in her world, someone might have called the police on her to investigate her home for any 'recreational drugs.'

  
"Radagast," Gandalf exclaimed in relief, " It's Radagast the Brown."

Yet the scene before her looked like it came out of an acid trip and Jin Ae had to remind herself that she's standing amongst dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard. It couldn't get any weirder than this.

Until he pulled out a stick insect from his mouth, then did Jin Ae thought about how she might have to reevaluate her statement.

" The Greenwood is sick, Gandalf. A darkness has fallen over it.  
Nothing grows anymore. At least, nothing good. The air is foul with decay."

Then he began to space out, his eyes crossing in the middle. Jin Ae watched the man pitifully, sharing a look with Bilbo. Not long he began to snap back into reality, jerking forward and startling everyone.

“I’m sorry," He whispered.

“Try a bit of Old Toby," Gandalf offered his pipe, " It’ll help settle your nerves.”

Gandalf cleans his pipe with his beard, offering it to the brown wizard. Radagast breathed in the smoke, settling down from his high.

“And out.”

Radagast, with his eyes crossed and a blissful look on his face, blows out the smoke, then stayed in a trancelike state for a few seconds.

“Now, a Necromancer," Gandalf asked in a low tone, "Are you sure?”

The two exchanged a few words, which were interrupted by a piercing howl. The ear-splitting cry cut through the air like a knife, causing the company to draw out their swords once more.

“Was that a wolf? " Bilbo asked," Are there, are there wolves out there?”

“Wolves?" Bofur replied, his voice shaky as his eyes roam around them in alert, " No, that is not a wolf.”

Jin Ae could feel a pair of eyes at the back of her head, turning around she unsheathed her sword, running towards Bilbo.

" Behind you !" She yelled, yanking Bilbo away from the hulking figure behind him. It leaped forward, landing on the spot where the Hobbit would've been if Jin Ae hadn't pulled him away. Unfortunately, it landed right beside her, close enough for her to smell blood rotting on the side of its matted fur.

The menacing beast bared its fangs at her, one of its paws trapping her leg above the ground, its claws ripping the fabric of her trousers. He knocked Bofur aside, the dwarf disappearing from view as he collapsed. She was grounded in place, her breathing picking up as it unfolds the rows of daggers against its meaty jaws.

In one swift movement, someone had sliced its skull open, the red liquid spraying itself against her cheeks. She could feel a few drops sliding inside the corners of her mouth, but she couldn't stomach the idea, so she shoved it down, her body shivering as the person hauled her off the ground and back on her feet.

Across her, another one had appeared, yet it was quickly brought down by Kili's arrow. That still wasn't enough, as it wriggled violently, only when Dwalin brought down his ax on its skull did it slumped on the forest floor.

Jin Ae was swiftly brought away, squished in between two bodies, and she couldn't see who they were when she was shoved behind more people, the group making a barrier around her.

“Warg-Scouts! " Thorin shouted his hand a vice grip on his sword. The other, she discovered, was the one that had pulled her inside the circle, his grip tight on her shoulder. His sword was dripping with the blood of the fallen animal and Jin Ae saw the fear in his eyes as he stood before her.

" Which means an Orc pack is not far behind," He announced.

“Orc pack?” Bilbo stammered.

“Who did you tell about your quest, beyond your kin?” Gandalf demanded, looking at Thorin dead in the eye, his face pale and twitching in horror.

" No one," Thorin gravely replied, flinching at another howl.  
  
“You are being hunted."

“We have to get out of here," Dwalin cut off, stepping in front of her.

“We can’t!" Ori, the youngest dwarf, cried out, " We have no ponies, they bolted.”

Jin Ae could feel her throat go dry as dread overcame her, she watched the warg carcass in front of her and she had the strongest urge to throw up, nausea causing her to lean forward. She slumped slightly on Thorin's shoulder and she half-heartedly hoped he wouldn't say any insult at the moment.

She waited for him to berate her about how pathetic she's being, to scold her about coming on this journey with them and maybe even worse yell at her for being so weak.

Yet, his eyes only soften in silent understanding and she could feel him slide an arm around her shoulder, keeping her upright. He didn't say anything, he only eyed her carefully, as if she was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

“I’ll draw them off," Radagast suggested, making his way to the group of rabbits.

“These are Gundabad Wargs," The grey wizard argued, " They will outrun you.”

“These are Rhosgobel Rabbits," He retorted, a challenging glint in his eyes," I’d like to see them try.”

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10; running , orcs and unspoken words**

 

"I want to be a tree in my next life time.

When a tree is planted at a place,

it does not need to be moved. In future,

it won't be separated with its loved ones."

- _Eun Suh, Autumn in my heart_

 

* * *

 

 

Jin Ae could feel her legs burning, aching to give out under her as they try to outrun the pack of Wargs.

She could feel her heart throbbing inside her chest, drowning her ears with the sound of blood rushing through her veins. Her breathing was ragged as she sprinted down the hillside, dodging a few rocks that jutted out of the earth. She tried to keep up with their grueling pace, yet she finds herself falling behind.

She paused briefly, despite the alarms blaring in her head, screaming at her to keep running. She placed her hands on her knees, inhaling deeply as her clothes and hair slick with perspiration clung onto her skin.

“ We have to keep running,” Kili urged, holding her shoulder and tugging her forwards. Jin Ae nodded, feeling nausea clawing against her throat once more, but the Warg’s horrible yelps and howls were enough to send her running once more, the young dwarf by her side as they followed the group.

They had to constantly change directions, abruptly stopping to skitter backward as the pack of orcs pass by not far away, trailing after Radaghast and his rabbits. They were cornered, an easy prey ready for eating as they scurry along the grass plains.

“ Stick together !” Gandalf shouted as they try to avoid the hunters’ line of sight.

They ducked behind a rock, it cast a large shadow above them, the only form of a shield that can protect them from the onslaught. Ori ran passed by her and out of the cover, immediately Jin Ae reached out for his backpack, latching her fingers over the lapels and pulling him back.

“ Ori no !” Thorin hissed, pulling Jin Ae by the waist as she hauled Ori inside. She collided across Thorin’s chest with a thud and if they had been outside such predicament she would’ve questioned it. But they were being hunted and running for their lives, it was the last thing on her mind as she watched Radaghast’s sled zipped pass them.

She looked up at Thorin, feeling the erratic rise and fall of his chest as his eyes scanned the scene, the tension was a necklace of rope suffocating them and Jin Ae wanted nothing more but to slump her body forward, struggling to take in air into her burning lungs. She closed her eyes briefly and she could feel him looking down at her.

His arm was still around her waist.

“ Come on,quick,” Gandalf ordered once the pack was out of sight.

The two broke off, Thorin going to stand beside Gandalf as one of the dwarves were lead one by one down to a narrow pathway. Thorin stayed behind to wait for his company, warily watching them descend down the slope.

 

“ Where are you leading us ?” He demanded, voice low and wary. Jin Ae stood at his side, watching as the wizard replied with nothing more than a stern look, passing the two of them. Jin Ae followed, with Thorin not far behind, his disdain practically radiating off him like a heater. She didn’t have to turn around to see that he’s wearing his usual foul scowl.

They were suddenly forced to go behind another rock as the warg pack closes in, all of them huddled despondently against one another, struggling to quiet down their breathing when one of them leapt on the rock. Jin Ae placed a hand across her mouth, fearful that they might hear her. She looked at Thorin, who was looking at Kili, nodding to him. It took her a moment to realize that he was signaling for the young prince to strike it down with his bow.

She held her breath.

The arrow was released and she could hear a splitting cry and with that the beast fell beside Bombur with its rider, two arrows sticking out of their hideous heads. The noise had alarmed the pack and Jin Ae could feel her heart sinking.

The fallen orc suddenly leaped out, startling the company, backing away Dwalin struck his ax against its skull. Jin Ae, who wasn’t far from him, readied her weapon and pierced her thin sword in the space between his eyes. The movement was completely involuntary, once she realized what she has done; she stumbled backward, drawing the sword away as the corpse fall forwards.

She glanced at her blade, the tip dripping with thick black blood.

She gagged at her shoulder, screwing her eyes shut.

“It’s okay lass,” Dwalin murmured, pulling her backward. Jin Ae shook her head, trying to clear away to fog clouding her mind. She could feel something rising against her throat, her muscles shaking as she tries to hold back a sob.

“Move !” Gandalf shouted, “Run !”

She wheezed,the pace of her running turning sporadic and unsteady. The orc pack was now scattered around them, herding them into one place like sheep ready for slaughter. Jin Ae watched as Kili brought a few of them down with his arrow, yet she knew it wouldn’t last for long. They were cornered, with nowhere else to go. She was standing not far from Bilbo and Fili, who was closing in one another as the pack stalked forward.

The three ran towards Dwalin and Thorin.Dwalin was shouting on where Gandalf was. She searched for the grey wizard and found no sight of him, her heart pounded in dread.

“ He’s abandoned us !” Dwalin growled furiously.

Jin Ae found that hard to believe, clutching at her sword. Everyone was battle ready, eying the orcs as their fingers shivered in anticipation. Adrenaline mingled with the air, creating a static, stinging her skin as she braced for a fight.

" This way you fools !"

Gandalf's voice was enough to turn her attention away and she saw him descending behind a stone. She had no choice but to follow, making a run for it. She could hear the wargs not far behind, nipping at her heels. Thorin counted his men as they slide inside the hole, their heads disappearing one by one. Jin Ae cursed at how far she had been standing, Fili and Dwalin were already ahead of her.

She passed by Kili, who was still buying them some time.

" Kili !" She yelled, her voice overlapping with Thorin's as he called out his nephew's name as well, the young dwarf spun around, looking at his uncle. Jin Ae grabbed his wrist and pulled him with her, dragging him as the wargs begin to catch up.

She shoved him under the shadows, jumping in with Thorin behind her. Her hips collided with the hard ground and Thorin wasted no time in pulling her on her feet, dragging her away from the opening to stand by the company.

She doubts that hiding inside a hole could help them from an ambush, even if it did give them time. Yet a horn resonated through the air, and she could hear horses galloping on the ground above them.

An orc fell from above, rolling onto them. She drew her sword against her chest, pointing at its head. Yet she could tell it was dead as the tip of an arrow stuck itself out of its neck. She memorized its vulgar face, the rough edges of its nose and eyes. She turned away, afraid that she might throw up right on the spot.

Thorin plucked the arrowhead, examining before throwing the object onto the ground spitefully as if it had burnt his skin at first touch.

" Elves," The crownless king sneered accusingly at Gandalf.

" I cannot see where the pathway leads," Dwalin called out from the end of the tunnel," Do we follow it or no?”

 “Follow it, of course!” Bofur replied and soon they were all jogging through the dark. Yet Jin Ae only collapsed, her palms pressing against the gravel as she exhaled the breath she didn't know she was holding. A great weight washed itself over her as her head hung between her shoulder.

The pieces of sharp rocks were digging onto her knees as she knelt there, inhaling a shaky breath. She could feel someone staring at her, his eyes the very least shy as they bore holes into her.

She stayed there for a moment, they both did. The sunlight pouring from the crack onto her head was starting to warm her hair, and she could feel herself growing lightheaded. Silence ebbed through them and she could hear a lot of unspoken words. There was something overwhelming about brushing this close to death.

Her body was sore from head to toe, she could feel the acid underneath the layers of tendons waiting to explode and cause her to limp the next morning. What she did out there had been the most rigorous form of exercise ( if it does count as one ) she had done in years, to think that they are most likely going to do it again makes feel guilty at how much she took her own world for granted. She sighed, she could do this. She has to, she needs to go home after all, but she was starting to wonder if she’ll ever make it.

She stared at the blood oozing out of the small cuts in her hand.

" Thank you," She whispered, although she herself is not entirely sure what for. The words slipped pass her lips, echoing throughout the cave.

The dwarf didn't say a word, he only nodded solemnly, waiting for her to stand up before they continued on.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 ; Rivendell, Dresses and Wilting Flowers**

_" And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright_   
_I'm just so tired to share my nights_   
_I wanna cry and I wanna love_   
_But all my tears have been used up_

_On another love, another love "_

 

_\- Another Love, Tom Odell_

 

* * *

 

 

Jin Ae had never seen anything as beautiful as Rivendell.

She had managed to read about it in one of Bilbo’s books and she had traced her fingers against the pages in fascination. The peaceful, sheltered town of Rivendell was located at the edge of a narrow gorge of the river Bruinen, but well hidden in the moorlands and foothills of the Misty Mountains. Bilbo had shared to her stories about the place, telling her the stories his mother would tell him when he was younger. She had been an adventurous Took, who had the great fortune of going there.

He had talked about it as if it was a life long dream for him to follow in his mother’s footsteps and journey through their pristine halls and foliage of emerald trees. Jin Ae couldn’t blame him, every single book described it as literal paradise, a sacred haven tucked away from the rest of middle earth.  

"The Valley of Imraldis," Gandalf announced, " In the Common Tongue, it’s known by another name."

" Rivendell," Bilbo breathed out, awe-struck.

The scenery before her nearly convinced her that she was in a dream, that she was still fast asleep against Michael’s grave with her mind wandering into the most beautiful far away places her grief-stricken mind could convey from the crevices of her memories, but that couldn’t be it.

Nothing like this could compare to what she had seen and the wind gushing through her face was a reminder that it was real, light sprinkles of water caressing her skin, carried by the wind from a nearby waterfall.

From a distance, the buildings surrounding the Valley of Imlandris are uniform grey, from up close it is a mosaic of humble rocks, but together they are a castle, the crown of the landscape. The closer Jin Ae looked, the more did the buildings seemed to glow, radiating an air of elegance and power.

“Here lies the last Homely House east of the sea," Gandalf hummed, smiling to himself.

" This was your plan all along," Thorin cited, ruining the mood"  To seek refuge with our enemy.”

“You have no enemies here, Thorin Oakenshield," Gandalf argued, exasperated by the dwarf's distrust," The only ill-will to be found in this valley is that which you bring yourself.”

“You think the Elves will give our quest their blessing? " He countered, "They will try to stop us.”

“Of course they will," Gandalf retorted," But we have questions that need to be answered. This is also the place where we can find the one who can bring you home, my lady."

Gandalf looked at Jin Ae, who nearly missed his words because she was too busy admiring the scene before her. Yet, at the mention of going back home, her heart fluttered in giddiness. She flashed him a smile, ignoring the way Thorin still had his scowl plastered across his brooding face.

" If we are to be successful, this will need to be handled with tact and respect and no small degree of charm," Gandalf huffed at the king, "Which is why you will leave the talking to me.”

Jin Ae couldn't hide her enthusiasm, wearing her grin as she jogged down the gravel steps after Gandalf.

 

* * *

 

 

The Elves were the first and eldest of the Children of Ilúvatar, and are considered to be the fairest and wisest of any race of Arda, Jin Ae could safely say that they live up to that title.

She watched shyly from behind Gandalf at the dark-haired elf before him and she felt a bit guilty for gawking at him as if he was some science experiment, yet she couldn't help the small smile that formed at her lips when she saw the pair of pointy ears and the silver crown that sat atop his head as he descended down the stairs.

“Mithrandir," He called out, his voice smooth like the river waters gushing through pebbles, rolling down his tongue effortlessly like a song.

“Ah, Lindir!”

The two fell into a conversation, the elf using his native tongue. The language resembled nothing like the ones from back home, it was too soft around the edges to be compared to anything of earthly origin, She tilted her head to the side, listening to them talk.

It then did the same horn interrupted them, alerting the company and sending them to a frenzy. She was about to scold them for their paranoia when she was pulled back once more, an arm against her shoulder. She frowned up at Thorin, not happy with the idea of being thrown around like some ragdoll.

The ground formed a defensive circle, eying the horsemen with distrust as they surround them. Jin Ae gazed up at the riders, their armors glinting under the sunlight like beacons. One of them separated themselves from the hunting party, approaching Gandalf with a friendly smile.

They conversed in elvish, Jin Ae watching the elf curiously. He was the only one with a black horse and his armor stood out from the rest, with more intricate designs. She couldn't miss the sword strapped against his hips, the crown against his head woven together neatly against his raven hair.

He must be the leader, it was only when Gandalf mentioned his name did she flush in embarrassment, he was Lord Elrond, lord of Rivendale himself. Bilbo had mentioned him a few times and so have the books, he doesn't fail to live up to the glorious paintings and descriptions.

" Strange for Orcs to come so close to our borders," Elrond holds up an orc sword, passing it to Lindir, "Something, or someone, has drawn them near.”

“Ah, that may have been us," Gandalf chuckle nervously, stepping aside to reveal Thorin.

“Welcome Thorin," Elrond approached them, "Son of Thrain.”

“I do not believe we have met," He replied rudely, to which Jin Ae replied with a side glare.

“You have your grandfather’s bearing," The elven king continued, "I knew Thror when he ruled under the Mountain.”

“Indeed," Thorin agreed, and Jin Ae wished that he wouldn't say another insult.

" He made no mention of you," The dwarf retorted and Jin Ae wondered why she even bothered to hope for a lost cause. Elrond, thankfully, didn't seem bothered by his offensive reply.

He was about to turn to Gandalf when he caught sight of her.

" Who might you be ?" He asked, his voice has confusion written all over it despite the calm composure he was trying to brew. It was quite strange, she supposes, to see a human amongst a company of dwarves, knowing that they are a secretive race. Not to mention a woman.

She shrunk under his gaze, even if it wasn't threatening, she doesn't know why she's reacting this way. She felt bashful all of a sudden, from the shift of attention. She was suddenly hyper-aware of the rip on her trousers and the stains against her clothes, not to mention her mess of hair and lack of sleep under her eyes.

" My name is Dr.Jin Ae," She mentally slapped herself for mentioning her medical title, people here don't know what a bandaid is, much more a doctor. She mentally cursed the gods for making elves so pretty that it was difficult to focus on anything else.

" I'm," She slid her gaze at the company, remembering Thorin's harsh words," Travelling with Gandalf."

" She is not from around here," Gandalf confessed, " She is seeking for your help, my friend."

Elrond smiled softly at her and she felt like a school girl all over again, overwhelmed by the prospect that an elven king is holding his hand across his chest in a sign of welcome. She gently bows forward, mimicking the gesture with her hands.

" It must be a long story," He spoke," and you must be tired."

He turned to Gandalf, speaking in elvish.

_“Nartho i noer, toltho i viruvor. Boe i annam vann a nethail vin.”_

“What is he saying?” Gloin complained,” Does he offer us insult?”

The dwarves grow bellicose, gripping their weapons uneasily.

“No, master Gloin,” Gandalf sighed like a tired school teacher, “ He’s offering you food.”

A chorus of murmurs erupted and Jin-Ae shot Lord Elrond an apologetic look, to which he only replied with a patient smile.

“Ah well, in that case, lead on.”

“ Lindir,” Elrond called,” May you be so kind as to escort lady doctor Jin Ae to where she will be staying, tell the maids to have a bath prepared before her meal. Would that be alright, my lady ?”

She nodded dumbly, grinning at the thought of a warm and glorious bath, “ Yes, that’s more than enough, and please lose the doctor, that’s just what they call us healers back where I’m from.”

“ A healer?” He chuckled,” Remarkable work, my lady.”

She couldn’t help but smile even wider, ducking her head down before following Lindir, quickly falling into an easy conversation with the elf. The two disappeared behind a staircase and she felt horribly at ease that she didn’t realize the way Thorin stared at her until she vanished from sight.

 

* * *

 

Jin Ae could feel herself sinking against the tub, the warm waters enveloping every inch of her battered skin. She could feel the sheen of sweat peeling off her and she blissfully sighed, humming to herself as she scrubbed off the dried orc blood and grime covering her arm. She heard her door open, and for a moment she froze until she heard her voice.

“ My lady, I’m here to deliver your dress as per requested,” She called out, her voice echoing throughout the room, “ I knocked but you did not answer, so I let myself in as what you have requested of me.”

Jin Ae finished up quickly, drying herself and hopping out of the porcelain bath. She shivered at the cool marble against the soles of her feet, putting on a simple dress gown before stepping out. She smiled at the elf maiden.

“ Thank you Aerin,” She whispered in awe at the dresses.

The elf maid had been assigned to her by Lindir and she had quickly tried to befriend her, she is the first woman she had spoken to ever since Victoria and she couldn’t have smiled any wider when they have clicked so easily. She had expected it to be harder to talk to elves, they are indeed closest in kin to the Ainur, given that Elves possess ethereal grace and various powers. The last thing she expected was to have her treat her as an equal, yet it seems that it was what the two have wanted, so they tossed formalities aside and spoke as if they were old friends and Jin Ae couldn’t help but feel upset at how lonely it must be for her.

 The girl was shy and respectful, yet she had a sense of humor that reminded her fondly of home. She knew most elves would pass on for serious if not empathetic, yet she was a curious creature, who had a wonderful time listening to Jin Ae talk about her world as she scrubbed her hair.

“ I passed by lady Arwen on my way to your chambers,” She spoke softly, “ She saw me carry these dresses and had offered to lend you one, word about you have spread quickly.”

She knew lady Arwen as Elrond’s daughter and she immediately lit up at the thought of having her lend a dress, she looked around, gleaming at the sight of the soft linen dress. She flushed to herself, watching how it was one less fabric away from being transparent.

Apparently, elves wear a different kind of dress compared to hobbit and humankind, whereas they wear tight fitting corsets and crowded cotton dresses, Elven kind prefer thin robes and long gowns to cover their lithe and slender figure, it added an effect, Jin Ae thought, making them look more mythical as they glide through the halls like some kind of divine apparition.

“ I think it will suit you,” She hummed approvingly at the Prussian dress, its deep blue colors reminding her of the ocean’s currents lapping against the golden shore. She trailed her fingers lovingly, eying the way it flutters against her skin.

“ I’d like to try it,” Jin Ae whispered, feeling slightly jittery. She easily slid out of her dress and Aerin frowned, staring at her chest. Jin Ae titled her head to the side, blushing furiously until she saw that she had her bra on, and she let out a laugh.

“ It’s called a bra,” She explained, holding back another laugh, “ It keeps your mountains up, supports them against your chest.”

Aerin bit back a smile at her comparison,” Hold your mountains ?”

“ Yes !” Jin Ae laughed, throwing her head back, “ It makes life easier and keeps your privates to yourself.”

“ Well it won't do with this gown,” the elf chuckled, “ Although, you must tell me more of this ‘bra’ once we are done with dinner. I am most curious.”

Jin Ae slipped into the gown and it brushed against her skin softly, engulfing her body snugly, clinging against her shoulders and pooling around her feet. She looked at herself in the mirror, watching the way it flutters with every movement and she felt oddly at ease. There’s something different and familiar all the same about being in the dress and being surrounded by elves, she shrugged off the feeling, shamelessly admiring herself with a shy smile.

“ I have also prepared some new clothes for you and I shall take your trousers and wash them for you,” She hummed thoughtfully. Jin Ae wanted to insist against it, yet she knew better than to argue with her, it’s considered rude as what Bilbo has said, to deny one’s hospitability.

“ Thank you,” She said for perhaps the hundredth time this hour, yet the silvian elf only gave her a warm smile, taking both her hands in her.

“ It is odd, to have a human visit us and you are far more pleasant than what I would imagine one from the race of men to be,” She confessed, “ You offer me friendship and treated me as your equal and I am grateful for that, perhaps you will help me change my sisters and their perception towards men.”

“ I don’t know about that,” She chuckled nervously, “ I am human, but I’m not of Middle Earth, I might not be a reliable representative for the people here. Now that I’ve thought about it, I haven’t had the chance to meet any other human ever since I came here.”

She pressed her lips together in disdain, they had passed Bree, yet she didn’t stop to buy anything as she had everything she needed from Bilbo. Thorin and his company seemed to have passed the town quickly, not bothering to linger any longer and delay their journey.

Aerin seemed to sense her discomfort, squeezing her hands she assured the woman, “  I’m sure you’ll find your people soon enough, at least after tonight you shall not be joining their company anymore. I can’t imagine what it was like to travel with thirteen dwarves, their quest is no place for gentlewomen like you.”

“ It’s not,” She admitted, “ But neither is it for them, they shouldn’t be on this dangerous quest. They had their home taken away from them, because of that vile dragon.”

A wave of guilt washed over her.

She would be leaving the company, the one she was not even a part of. Thorin had flat out refused to let her join, not that she could argue, she was most likely nothing more than an outsider, a burden that weighs the group. She was traveling with Gandalf and she had reached the end of their journey, Lord Elrond will send her home with his divine powers and she’ll be standing by Michael’s grave once more and stitching wounds on Friday nights.

She’ll pass by the city lights and hear the revving of evening cars, she’ll eat fish and chips for lunch with her co-workers and help clean up Michael’s apartment. She’ll put the space up for sale and continue on with her life and this moment will just be as real as her imagination, nothing more than a fleeting moment.

She gripped the table top as Aerin brushed her hair, thinking about how she’ll go back to a world where Michael Hawkins is dead. She’ll leave with the knowledge that Thorin’s alive and the idea that he might not be for long, she had seen the way he was willing to put everything at stake for this quest, including his own life. She never watched any of the Hobbit movies, she never bothered going to any of the premieres or reading one of the books displayed by the bookshop, yet she had the sinking feeling that history will repeat itself, and Thorin Oakenshiled will meet the same fate as Michael Hawkins.

“ Are you alright, my lady?” Aerin whispered, her voice luring her back to the present

She stared at herself in the mirror. Her hair neatly pooling around her neck, resembling the color of autumn leaves under the setting sun. Her eyes were brimming with tears and she looked hauntingly beautiful and for a moment she saw her mother instead of herself.

The wilting flower.

She brushed her hands across her eyes, “ I’m alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who have left kudos and comments on my story, I truly appreciate it !


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 ; Dinner, Starlight and Reluctant Farewells**

_" And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be_  
_Right in front of me_  
_Talk some sense to me "_

_\- I found, Amber Run_

 

* * *

 

The horizon was an assortment of amber and gold, their light draping over the trees as they danced against the evening breeze rolling down the valleys. The sun was beginning its journey home, and so was Jin Ae.

Aerin glided beside her, her footsteps so light it seemed as if she was floating. She was barefoot, her slender feet making no noise as they trudge through the stone path. Jin Ae must admit,it was weird to pair her elven dress with the standard black heels she had worn on Michael’s funeral service. It gave her a few inches to match the elf maiden’s height, and they clicked against the surface with every step she took.

“ Do not fret,” Aerin smiled, taking another look at her dress, “ You look beautiful, Jin Ae.”

“ Thank you, Aerin,” Her voice was quiet as the chilly breeze grazed her skin, sending goosebumps throughout her body.

They arrived by a balcony, filled with three separate round tables. The setting was lovely, they were not far from a waterfall and the canopies above them hung high in a cluster of green and red. The melody of flutes and harps filtered through the air, creating a tranquil scenery that soothed her heart. She could hear the company’s laughter booming from their tables and she caught sight of a flustered Kili, his ears burning as he looked down sheepishly while the others burst into a guffaw.

She cocked her head curiously at the scene, wondering what could’ve made the usually flirtatious and confident dwarf blush cherry red. She walked up to the steps, catching Elrond’s line of sight.

“ Lady Jin Ae,” He smiled, beckoning her to join his table “ Nice of you to finally join us.”

Everyone turned their heads to look at the presence of the newcomer, even the elves have turned to look at her. They gave her a small nod, parting as she made her way towards the empty chair across Elrond, between Thorin and Gandalf. They seemed to be at one of the higher tables, while the rest sat comfortably against chairs that reminded her of beanbags.

She flashed a smile at the company, who beamed back at her. They seemed to be pleased with the knowledge that she’s safe and from the corner of her eyes she could see Thorin eying the small cut against her collarbone, the one caused by the orc chase.

“ Thank you for inviting me to dinner Lord Elrond,” She grinned, fiddling with her hands, “ And for your hospitality as well, Aerin has been most kind to me.”

She turned to look at her friend, who had picked up a flute to join her sisters. Elrond raised his chalice at her, “ It was my pleasure, please join us and sit.”

Although the sleeves of her dress are long and modest, the fabric wasn’t thick enough to stop the wind from kissing her skin and she slightly shifted in her seat. It was beautifully made, the sleeves were long and wide at the end, making it quite difficult for her to eat in, but she found her way nonetheless, digging into her salad happily.

 

She looked at Thorin, who didn’t seem to be touching his plate, neither was Gandalf and Lord Elrond and she finds this very awkward. She was afraid to come off as rude but her stomach let out a small growl, causing her to not protest against it and continue one. They were discussing their sword, unsheathing the blades and naming them.

“This is Orcrist, the Goblin Cleaver,” He hummed approvingly at Thorin’s sword, examining it under the last rays of sunlight, “ A famous blade, forged by the High Elves of the West, my kin. May it serve you well.”

He hands Orcrist back to Thorin, who accepted it with a curt nod.

“And this is Glamdring, the Foehammer, “ He took Gandalf’s, “sword of the King of Gondolin. These swords were made for the goblin-wars of the First Age.”

Elrond’s voice fades into the background as she caught Thorin’s eyes, he didn’t avert his gaze, catching her own. He didn’t have his wolf pelt on, revealing the blue tunic underneath. She could see muscles rippling underneath the fabric and the absence of his cloak didn’t make him look any less intimidating, despite being a dwarf he was well built and quite tall she noticed, years of battle and hard work etched on his figure. When they stood, he was on eye level with her, which means he wasn’t so short ( or maybe she was short)

 She averted her eyes upwards and saw that he had been admiring her dress as well, his eyes roaming around the garment.

She cleared her throat and his eyes snapped upwards.

“You’re not eating?” She whispered, leaning towards him.

“No,” He replied gruffly, “ Not after everyone’s done.”

She looked back to see that some of the company are still eating, Ori, for instance, was still struggling to eat his bowl of lettuce. Bombur looked like he couldn’t stomach another bite, which she finds amusing considering that he’s usually the one with an appetite. She realized that it must be a leader’s habit, of eating only after everyone’s had their fill.

Her heart warmed at that thought.

She struggled to say anything else, waiting for him to continue on the conversation, but he only looked at her, his gaze unwavering. She flickered her eyes towards the harp, trying to shrug off the awkward stretch of silence, she was frustrated at how difficult this was. This was her chance to talk to him, to get to know him. This was the only exchange they had without any of them scolding the other, except for the one where he had caught her by the troll cave and praised her.

Yet he didn’t say anything else afterward, he simply stalked off to examine the cave once she was back on her feet, leaving her dazed and confused. She was about to come up with another small talk when Elrond’s voice grabbed their attention.

“ And what were you doing on the Great East Road?”

Thorin looked perturbed, refusing to answer as he pushed the chair and excused himself. Elrond didn’t seem to be surprised, not even disappointed. Perhaps he knew this was coming, dwarves were after all secretive and Elrond was smart enough to know why he was the last person he’d want to share his quest with.

Jin Ae let out a sigh.

“ Thirteen dwarves, a Halfling and a woman,” He raised his glass to his lips, “ Strange travelling companions Gandalf.”

“ These are the descendants of the house of Durin!” Gandalf reasoned.

Jin Ae watched Thorin disappear into the hallways, his footsteps echoing down the walls before vanishing. She turned back to Elrond, who was watching her curiously.

“ My lady, you said you are not from around here?” Elrond questioned.

“ No, Lord Elrond,” She explained, “ I’m not from Middle Earth and I don’t think I’m from anywhere in your world either. I’m not quite sure how I got here; all I know is that I need to find my way back home. I feel as if a great force has brought me here, something beyond my knowledge, I was hoping you might help me.

There was a glint in his eyes that she can’t differentiate from either fascination or understanding; he seemed to be unsure of what he was thinking, his fingers lightly tapping the chalice. She then heard a commotion rise from behind her and she saw Bofur climb on the table tops, belching out a song. Soon enough the others joined and created a scene, tossing food around, a piece of bread almost hit her, but she ducked quickly and it flew right past Lord Elrond, who seemed just as horrified as he was confused.

The elves stopped playing their instruments, backing away from the rowdy bunch. A plate of mashed potatoes flew right next to Lindir. Jin Ae can’t help but smile into her glass despite the looks of terror the elves shared with one another.

* * *

The full moon stood proud and tall among the ocean of stars, the light twinkling like gems, illuminating the night. Jin Ae couldn’t take her eyes off the view as it beckons her to watch it shine, she placed a hand on her cheek, resting against the railings as the wind combed through her hair. Her mind was plagued by thoughts of her past and she couldn’t push away the images of Michael away from her head, his blue eyes and laughter haunting the crevices of her mind.

She wanted nothing more than to rejoice at his memory, but she finds it difficult to do so, her mind jumbled up by all the bittersweet memories they have shared.

Michael Hawkins died on her hospital bed, a bullet buried deep in his heart. His uniform had been stained with blood and so were her hands as they cradled his head to her chest. She could still remember the machine by the bedside, beeping erratically before flatlining, the noise still haunts her until today.

She imagines Thorin, meeting the same fate and her heart quenched painfully at the image. She rubbed her hands across her face, exhaling shakily. She could hear footfalls approaching from behind and she immediately tried to dry her tears, not wanting Aerin to see her on the verge of crying again.

Yet it wasn’t Aerin who decided to stand next to her.

Thorin stood silently next to her, staring at the distance. She quickly dabbed her fingers across her lashes, sniffing once before straightening her back. She turned to him and it was only then did he pull his eyes away from the waterfall.

“ Good evening,” She greeted, crossing her arms together to block out the cold of the night.

“ Good evening,” He nodded back, placing his hands on the railing. He didn’t look so tense, he looked more relax under the moonlight. His glorious mane drifting against the wind lightly as his eyes soften under the starlight. She noticed the way his blue eyes reflected the dark clouds and she wanted nothing more than to get a good look at it, yet she knew it was unlikely that he’d let her stare into his eyes.

Minutes stretched between them and for a passing moment the once comfortable silence turned awkward and she cleared her throat, breaking the tension, “Don’t worry, your highness, you don’t have to deal with me anymore starting tomorrow. I won’t bother your company anymore once I go home.”

The words came out of her harsher than expected, but it was what it was. It was meant to be said as a joke, yet just as she feared he took it differently, he took it seriously. She figured middle earth doesn't share those kinds of humor, but she doubt it was the cultural differences, she had heard his sarcastic remarks and she had heard others do it before, so she was, to say the least, surprised to see him look down at her in confusion.

“ Forgive me,” He finally said, bowing his head to stare at his hands, “ I meant no offense. I may not have been so kind to you, but I can assure you it was never because I see you as a burden.”

“ No?” She pressed on.

“ No,” He repeated more firmly, “ This quest is dangerous and I do not want you to be a part of it. If I have the choice to decline Mr.Baggins’s service to the company I would. Yet, he signed the contract out of his own will. I cannot argue with him nor Gandalf, this quest is far greater than what you know and if this is the only way then so be it.”

The wind began to pick up its pace, gently howling down the slopes of the hillsides. In the distance she could hear the soft ringing of a bell as it swayed across the wind, it was the only sound to accompany them tonight.

“ I understand,” She nodded, “ I forgive you.”

There was nothing else to say, he was right. This quest can potentially kill you, there’s no running away from something like this. Bilbo signed that contract and he is now legally bound to the company. It means his fate is also legally bound to the fate of the company, whether he lives or die, the decision is in their hands, in Thorin’s hands.

He is the one leading them to reclaim Erebor, he is the one responsible for the lives of twelve dwarves and a Halfling, that kind of burden is an explanation to why he acts the way he does.  All that anger, scowling and arguing is him silently pleading to the gods to not take his men. Not even the gods above can tame his rage, not when they forced the birthright of a king onto his hands the day he was born.

“ Thank you for trying to protect me,” She sighed, “ But you should know that no matter how much you’ll try to push me away, I’d still join you on this quest.”

“ Is that so?” He asked.

“ Yes,” She admitted, “ because you’ve had everything taken away from you. No one deserves to live in exile and no one deserves to fight this kind of battle alone, not even you. I may not know you that well, Thorin Oakenshield, but you’re a great king and even better, a good one, who’ll fight for their people. If I get hurt, I wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, it was my decision, I wanted to fight for you. No one can take that away from me, from your people.”

“ Even if I forbid you, you’d still come along ?”

He searched her eyes for any trace of dishonesty, but all he saw were her own whiskey eyes staring back at him sincerely.

“ I’d sneak around and only reveal myself halfway so you can’t go back to return me.”

That earned her a small smile and she could feel her heart flutter triumphantly at the achievement, she decided that she liked to see the son of Thrain like this. Another moment passed by, this time the tension had thinned around them and silence settled itself comfortably between the pair.

“ Don’t you have anyone to go back home to?” Jin Ae asked, not able to hold back the question any longer, “ Someone to go home to?”

“ I do,” He answered, “ I have my sister waiting for me in Ered Luin.”

“ Kili and Fili’s mother?” Jin Ae titled her head. She had heard about Ered Luin. The Blue Mountains or 'Ered Luin', was a mountain range situated in the far west of Eriador. It was where Thorin and his father have led their people and they have created a prosperous settlement over the years, yet she knew it will never feel like home. Not even that can take away the fact that they were driven away from their kingdom.

“ Aye, she was reluctant to let her sons go, if I do not come back to her to deliver her sons myself she would threaten Mahal himself to bring me back so she could kill me for herself.”

She covered her mouth, grinning at his newly found sense of humor. She shook her head, smiling at the thought of a dwarf woman strangling Thorin as the two boys watched in horror, the scene was enough to send her laughing. He watched her, amusement in his eyes as he cocked an eyebrow at her.

“ That’s lovely.”

Thorin raised his eyebrows higher and gave her a knowing look.

“ I meant she’s lovely, your sister she sounds like a great woman,” She added, “ No woman waiting back home ?”

When he didn’t answer she was afraid that she had crossed the line and she squirmed, trying not to cringe at her own forwardness. She knew it was probably taboo for dwarves to share such personal information to others, much more someone outside their race, Jin Ae was even outside their realm. She was a true outsider who had no business asking a king about his love life.

She didn’t want to wait for him to reprimand her or lecture her about being impolite, so she opened her mouth to apologize, but stopped when he answered her question.

“ No,” He sighed, “ Not anymore.”

She clipped her lips, fiddling with the fabric of her dress.

“ I’m sorry to hear that,” She decided to leave it on that, not wanting to ruin the conversation. She won’t ever forgive herself if she would ruin a nice evening with Middle Earth’s most stubborn resident, ruining a once in a blue moon chance is equivalent to committing a seven-grade sin.

“ Lord Elrond told me to meet him later tonight, he wants to try to send me home before sunrise,” Jin Ae shared, trying to draw the topic away and change the mood into a lighter one, “ I guess this is goodbye. I’ll have to tell the others I’m leaving too.”

“ Aye, goodbye lady Jin Ae” His voice was thick like gravel, “ I wish you luck on your journey home.”

“ Thank you,” She whispered, trying to memorize his face. It was the first time he had addressed her by her name and she can’t help but want him to say it again, it felt right, comforting even to hear him say her name, “ I appreciate everything you’ve done, may you reclaim your home and bring joy to your people. Maybe by the end of it, you’ll find someone special as well.”

The goodbye was meant to be a celebration party for her, she was supposed to be grinning ear to ear at the idea of going home, yet she could feel her eyes water and heart quench. She turned to leave him alone, her heels clicking noisily against the marble as she made her way towards the tower. His eyes never left her until she turned to the staircase and she had to hold back the strongest urge to turn her head around and watch him one last time.

Yet she didn’t and she finds herself crying by the sixth step.

There was something awfully sad about leaving, it might have been the idea of never seeing Bilbo again or having to say goodbye to new found friends like Aerin, but the voice inside her head couldn’t help but confess that it was going back to a world where there was no Thorin Oakenshield.

Jin Ae was afraid the voice was right.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 : uncertainty, soft-hearted deities and the road ahead**

 

_"All of these thousand miles_   
_That's when I run_   
_All of these thousand miles_   
_To get you back"_

_\- Thousand Miles, Tove Lo_

 

* * *

 

 

“ Do you really want to go home ?”

The question was a simple one. Jin Ae wanted to go home, that’s why she came all this way to Rivendell. That’s why she joined Gandalf on this dangerous and violent journey, where she had to ride on a horse’s back until her body’s all sore, where she had to run for her life from a pack of vicious orcs and where she had to stand next to the man who wears the face of her deceased lover.

She had a life waiting for her back home, she has her father waiting for her by the fruit stalls in Gangnam and her co-workers in the hospital.  She has a steady paycheck and a cozy apartment back at home and she wouldn’t trade her life for anything, even if it didn’t have the man she had wanted more time to love in it.

Then why does it feel as if she’s lying when she answered the high elf, why does it feel as if she would rather go back and join the company, why does it feel as if she would risk it all for Thorin Oakenshield?

“ Yes,” Jin Ae answered, suddenly unsure of herself.

Lord Elrond studied her, his eyes offered her pity, yet she didn’t want it. She doesn't even know what she wanted anymore, conflicted and confused, Jin Ae stared at the moon. The cliffside they were standing on was accompanied by the waterfall and the noise nearly drowned his voice from her ears.

“ You were sent here for a reason,” He explained, “ Tell me, do you think your presence in Middle Earth has one ?”

Jin Ae clenched her fists, her mind wrecked by thousands of reasons on why she should go home, yet one voice stood above it all, begging her to stay here. The voice whispered his name over and over again and Jin Ae found it difficult to almost focus on anything else, she watched the ground underneath her feet.

“ I made a wish,” She whispered, “ I made a wish to anyone who’d listen that I’d be given a second chance.”

“ Someone heard you,” Elrond stepped forward, “ Someone granted you that wish and that’s why you think you’re here ?”

Jin Ae thought of a soft-hearted deity looking down at her from above, pitying her as she pathetically wept above Michael’s gravestone. Despite everything, it was cruel, to send Jin Ae here and expect her to want to go back, to send her to a world where she was given a second chance to save the man she grew to love. It was everything she wanted and didn’t want a mixture of painful memories and fresh beginnings.

She can’t just leave her life behind, it’s selfish to abandon the people who still cared for her to go after him. Yet, deep down she wanted to be selfish for once, she wanted to put herself first and redeem herself by making sure Thorin Oakenshield doesn’t die by the end of this quest. Every hero was bound to meet a tragic end and she was sure the King under the Mountain was no different, from the way he throws himself into death’s arms like a desperate lover.

“ You want to stay for him.”

The voice was too soft to be Lord Elrond’s, yet it was strong enough to pull her out of her thoughts. Turning around Jin Ae couldn’t believe what she was seeing. If there was one person that would embody the word radiance it would be the elf standing in front of her. Her white gown fluttered against the wind and she outshone the moon, radiating light of her own, a kind of magical glow that soothed her heart. The gentle creature held out both her hands for Jin Ae and she was almost afraid to take it, yet her warmth beckoned the lost woman and she held onto her dainty fingers, relishing in the touch.

She wanted to open her mouth to ask for her name, to introduce herself, yet all words were lost and she found herself admiring the woman. She looked back at Jin Ae kindly, compassion pouring out of her eyes. Elves were truly angelic beings and now she understood why everyone regarded them so highly, this one she supposed, was one of the high elves.

“ Lady Galadriel,” Lord Elrond greeted, “ Thank you for joining us.”

Lady Galadriel gave a sweet smile, laughing at the way Jin Ae was frozen in front of her. At the sound of her amusement Jin Ae blurted out a string of apologies, feeling as she if she was a child who had seen a magic trick for the first time. Lord Elrond sensed that they have things they’d like to discuss privately, judging by the way Lady Galadriel was gesturing for him to leave. The lord of Rivendell didn’t argue, only when his footsteps are no longer audible did she spoke.

“ You must be Jin Ae,” Her voice smooth like silk, “ The one who wants to go home.”

Jin Ae looked down, unable to lie to her, “I don’t know whether I want to go home anymore.”

“Is that so?” She asked, but she sounded as if she already knew the answer, her eyes all knowing as they held her gaze.

Jin Ae fiddled with her dress, thinking about Thorin’s blue eyes, “ I have someone here that I want to protect, someone I failed to protect in my own world.”

Jin Ae paused, swallowing, unsure of whether she should tell the woman. Yet, she knew that she was someone you can’t hide things from, so she exhaled shakily, “ Someone I want to stay with. This is my second chance to share the life I could never have with him, even if I doubt that he wants the same. If I can’t have that, I want to at least make sure he won’t share the same fate as his counterpart.”

“ You think they are connected ?” Lady Galadriel asked, “ They are not the same person, what makes you think you’re connected in this life ?”

 

Jin Ae stayed silent, she didn’t know what to make of that, for a split second her heart clenched in worry. Lady Galadriel was right, even if they had loved each other in the past, what makes her so confident that he’ll love her in this one?

She had seen the way he looks at her whenever she picks up her sword, the disapproving looks and the irritated ones he gave her when she would argue with him. Yet, she had seen the way his eyes gently cradled her gaze earlier tonight, the way her bid her goodbye with just as much reluctance as herself.

“ We are two boats tied with this rope we cannot cut, drifted in the far open sea,” Jin Ae recited the poem her father had once told her, “ Two ends of one red string. Why else would the heavens grant my wish, if it was not for him?”

Lady Galadriel regarded her words, looking at her with a mixture of sadness and compassion. She touched the side of Jin Ae’s cheek, “I cannot send you home out of your own will. You want to protect him and you’ll do just that. Join him on reclaiming his homeland and fulfill your wish to save him, only then will your heart allow you to go home, because once you leave there’s no coming back.”

Jin Ae closed her eyes, “ How will I know if I’ll ever make it back ?”

“ You don’t.”

Jin Ae thought of her father, wasting away in grief as he waits for his daughter’s return. She thought of England and its cloudy weather, of Gangnam and the river in front of her childhood home. She thought of the boots that lined the shelves of her apartment and the pristine walls of the hospital she’s working in. She thought of the cars that sped down the highway and the leaves that drifted across the gravestones.

She’ll be putting that on the line, all for one man.

“ You believe in second lives,” Lady Galadriel spoke as a matter of factly, a smile gracing her lips.

Jin Ae knew death was unnatural for Elves; Ilúvatar intended for an Elf's spirit and body to remain united throughout the entire life of Arda. She had read in a book that should an Elf die, its spirit would be summoned to the Halls of Mandos in Aman. Elves who went to the Halls were, after a period of time, typically given the opportunity to be reincarnated into a body identical to the one that died.

This made Jin Ae wonder what the Lady of Lothlorien truly thinks of her wish to protect the reincarnation of her lover, this bittersweet tragedy was something Jin Ae could never phantom in a million years, yet perhaps for elves this was uncommon, perhaps it was even considered as a blessing no one should refuse.  Yet, she knew Thorin wasn’t Michael, in a way they are their own person.

Either way, this was her second chance or her opportunity to redeem herself; she wasn’t going to waste it away.

That was why, before the sun even begins to rise, Jin Ae had already rushed out of her room in a flurry. After hearing from a guard that the dwarves have left, she had bid Aerin goodbye and promised her that she’ll never forget their time together, that she’ll come back to her once she had fulfilled her quest to bid her one final goodbye. The silvian elf had generously helped her pack, issuing her with plenty of clothes and lembas bread to go for weeks, along with soap that she nearly cried over.

As a parting gift, Jin Ae had given the young elf her lipbalm. It was strange and she had wanted to give something more meaningful, yet Aerin had watched her in delight when she applied it on herself this morning. Jin Ae explained how it prevent her lips from drying and had given it to her, she did after all had an extra and the elf maiden couldn’t smile any wider for a usually stoic and stern race. When she ran after Thorin and the company, she had caught Lady Galadriel staring at her from one of the balconies, her eyes glinting as she flashed the young woman a smile.

In her breeches and white button up, Jin Ae sprinted through the rocky pathway, nearly tripping twice. Lindir had caught her on the way out and he had been too shocked to stop her.Jin Ae had shaken his hand vigorously while breathing out a quick thank you. It had left him in a warm daze, silently smiling to himself at the strange woman.

He knew it would be pointless to stop her, so he watched as her nest of auburn hair disappeared into the road above.

 

* * *

 

Thorin didn’t know what to expect when he heard a familiar ( yet irritating ) voice calling out for him from behind the stone path. He paused, not sure of whether he should turn around. It could be his minds playing tricks on him, Mahal knows by this point he might have gone mad from this quest. Yet, the cheers that erupted from his back the sound of Bilbo’s laughter were enough to clear his doubts.

She was looking up at him, her hair messy and out of place, the woman didn’t even look like one with breeches and a dress shirt. Her hair was a chaotic mess, piling up against her head as she beamed up at him, her grin wide and beautiful.

He ducked his head, wanting to argue with the last word. He replied to her greeting with a scowl, narrowing his eyes at her presence. She knew very well that the last thing he wanted was to have her on this quest, but one look at the woman was enough to tell him that there was no way of convincing her to go back.

_“  You’ve had everything taken away from you. No one deserves to live in exile and no one deserves to fight this kind of battle alone, not even you. I may not know you that well, Thorin Oakenshield, but you’re a great king and even better, a good one, who’ll fight for their people. If I get hurt, I wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, it was my decision, I wanted to fight for you. No one can take that away from me, from your people.”_

Her voice from their brief encounter echoed in his mind.

“ What are you doing here?” He asked, making sure of her purpose here. He cannot be too sure or too hopeful.

Yet, he has to admit that he was touched by her admittance and had admired her for it; a sense of respect was starting to brew between him and the woman he thought he’ll never see again. A part of him wanted her to be home, the knowledge of her safe and sound back in whatever world she came from comforted him in a strange way. Yet the idea of never hearing her loud and obnoxious laugh was enough to make him squirm in discomfort, the absence of her smile was something he can’t deny he’ll miss.

The time they shared had been brief and yet he wished that they had been a little a longer, it seemed that Mahal had heard him.

“ I want to fight for you,” She confessed breathlessly, her chest rising and falling from running all the way here to catch up with their departure. A strand of hair dangled from her lips, her neck slender and creamy as they shimmer under the sun, her clothes sticking against her skin with perspiration.

“ I want to be there when you reclaim Erebor,” She smiled wistfully, “ I want to see the great kingdom of Erebor with my own two eyes, I want to see it rise once more. Please let me join your company.”

“ What about going home ?” Bilbo asked.

“ That can always wait,” She stammered out, her cheeks flushing red, “ I promise I’ll be useful. I’ll learn how to use the sword, even if I’ll be horrible at it. I’ll learn from Balin and treat your wounds.”

The rest of her words faded into the background as he watched her in disbelief. She’d throw away her chance to go home, all to accompany him on this quest, this journey that doesn’t concern her or whatsoever. She had a home to go to, a place to seek refuge in, yet she chooses to stay here with thirteen dwarves and a Halfling.

This woman must be mad.

“ What if I would like to deny your request?” Thorin asked, ignoring the looks his company gave him, “You must know woman, this quest might kill you.  There are orcs hunting us and the road ahead will not be kind to you just because you’re a woman. We might go hungry, get lost or cross the paths of forces beyond our comprehension. You must learn how to fend for yourself.”

“I know that that’s why I wish to join you,” She seemed to be aware of Gandalf’s absence, she knew the consequence of having to travel alone. Yet she crossed her arms and attempted to glare at him, to which she failed.  Her cheeks puffed out and arms crossed, it made her look more like a child throwing a tantrum than an angry woman. He looked away; it was amusing.

 “ We can help each other, I can treat your wounds while you teach me how to fight. I’m a quick learner and I adapt well” She challenged, “ I’ll do anything.”

He ignored the implication of her words, closing the distance between them as he glowered down at the woman, yet she didn’t move a muscle, she only frowning back. She resembled a rabbit, he suddenly thought, with her nose flared and beady eyes narrowed. A very determined and irritating rabbit.

“ It’s pointless to argue with you, is it, woman?” Thorin leaned forward, whispering so the rest of the company couldn’t hear them.

She tiptoed to reach the side of his ears, playfully grinning, “You should know that by now. What are you going to do about it?”

Thorin stepped back, giving her an exasperated look. She knew she had won this time, her arms by her hips as she gave him a smug look. He turned to Kili, who was looking at him differently. The rest of the company held their breath, waiting for their leader’s decision.

“ Balin,” He said bluntly, “ Give her the contract.”

The company let out a sigh of relief, collectively crowding her, their words reverberating throughout the rocks as they congratulated her. He could see her hug Bilbo, their intimacy making him turn around to the road before him. It was frustrating, to see someone like her, a woman who had no sense of decency. Yet, he supposed no woman with any shred of decency would go on such voyage.

He caught sight of her staring at him with that blasted smile across her face as she looked up at him the same way she gazed up at the moon that night. He wanted nothing more than to shout at her to go back to Rivendell, he could command her to do it, and he could send her crying back to the elves where she would most likely throw herself into the arms of an elven ranger to seek consolation.

Yet he didn’t and he cursed at himself for not doing so.

He shook his head, staring onwards.


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a long chapter because I might update a bit late because I'm having one last exam tomorrow ! But I'll always try to update daily or once in two days ! Thank you for your lovely kudos and this is chapter for Priya cause your comments keep me going ! Enjoy :)

**Chapter 14 : commercials, sparring and dirty tricks**

_" Do you know her?_  
_The girl that looks to you_  
_And would you love her_  
_The way that she loved you?"_

_\- Pretty Face, Public_

 

* * *

 

 

If there was one word to describe the woman currently laughing beside him it was obnoxious.

Thorin scowled at her boisterous laughter, even if she did cover her mouth her voice still rang through his ears and around the forest clearing. He could see a couple of birds flapping their wings as they flee from the noise and Thorin almost wished he could join them. He watched her from the corners of his eyes, the way her hair pooled around her slender neck and eyes lit up in joy.

She was grinning from ear to ear, engrossed in the conversation with his nephews. Fili was telling her a story from his childhood, something about Kili climbing the rooftops and nearly giving their mother a heart attack. He recalled the memory and he almost winced at the image of Dis pinching little Kili’s ear all the while berating him for being a reckless oaf. Kili seemed to be doing the same, looking away in embarrassment as his older brother joked haughtily.

“ Don’t worry Kili,” Jin Ae chuckled, walking around a rock and lifting herself up a slope,nearly tripping, “ I used to be a naughty child as well.”

Thorin rolled his eyes at her carelessness; she might as well fall inside a rabbit hole.

 “ Back in my teens, I used to sneak out of the house at night with my friends to watch people perform and come home when its nearly morning. Although I never got drunk or did anything horrible, I still broke my father’s rule of not leaving the house when it's dark. One time, father had called the police and made a huge scene out of it, in the end; he caught me on my way home and scolded me in front of the people who were helping him search for me. It was embarrassing! ”

Kili and Fili looked at her in shock along with the other dwarves who have been listening to her story and Thorin can’t help but raised an amused eyebrow as well, listening to the conversation that erupted behind him.

“ I think you win this challenge my lady, I’ve never done anything that preposterous,” Kili laughed incredulously, “ I didn’t take you for the type to do so.”

“ No one did,” Jin Ae shrugged, “ Everyone in school thought I was a proper lady, obedient and shy. Yet, I was always curious; I always wanted to try new things. Thankfully, I never tried anything that crossed the line.”

“ You do not consider that shameful?” Thorin finally scoffed, slowing down to walk next to her, “You dishonoured your family name and made your father worry, he was right to put that rule, he did it to protect you and you rebelled against it all because you cannot swallow your own curiosity.”

He never meant for his words to come out so spitefully, yet it had been harsh enough to cause her to stop walking. He stared at her, waiting for her to erupt to tears or hit him out of anger. Yet she only tilted her head to the side and studied him. Thorin tried his best to ignore the concerned looks his company gave him.

“ It was shameful, I admit that,” She smiled sadly, “ I put everything at risk, my family name, my father’s trust, and my own safety. After that incident, I decided that I’ve had my fill and dedicated more time in my studies. I became more driven and motivated and in the end, I was able to make it up to my father by being the first one in my family to become a doctor.”

She stepped closer to him, her smile never wavering as she looked up at him kindly and he was fazed at how gentle she was to him despite his horrible remarks.

“ I didn’t regret sneaking out, it satisfied my curiosity and God knows what I would’ve done if I had not experienced it back in my days. You should let teenagers rebel a little, so they can live and have fun and know the difference between what’s right and what’s wrong,” She turned to Kili and Fili, the young princes watching her with delight, “I would have never become the person I am now without that incident. So you two better have your fill now, rather than later.”

Thorin scoffed at that, turning sharp on his heels to march forward. Jin Ae ignored him, turning to the brothers. Thorin continued eavesdropping despite being a few steps ahead, wanting to hear their reactions.

“I wish I could,” Kili sighed miserably.

“We’re next in line lady Jin Ae,” Fili explained, his voice heavy from the burden of a future king resting on his shoulders,“ We don’t have the luxury of freedom like you do.”

Thorin could feel Kili leaning closer to her, trying to avoid his earshot as he whispered, “If I could choose not to be prince, I would.”

He didn’t have to turn around to see her look of sympathy. He never liked the idea of people offering their pity as a form of understanding, it made him feel vulnerable. He could already imagine her glossy eyes as she clipped her lips lightly, brows furrowing as she fiddled with her fingers. She had given him that look before as if she had seen straight past him and Thorin didn’t like that.

Yet, there was also something utterly endearing about her persistence and ability to sympathize. Her eyes would always be delicate around him and he admits on how he should treat her better, despite her lack of courtesy and loud remarks. He never wanted any ill will, she was in some ways tolerable, even some of the company think of her as a delight. She was a witty woman who is just as inquisitive as she is knowledgeable. He must admit, having the lively soul of a woman amongst them is good enough to keep out the fatigue weighing down their legs as they heed upon this lengthy journey.

She, for once, didn’t seem to ever get tired of talking.

“ Lady Jin Ae, tell us about this performance you went to,” Fili asked.

“ Oh !” She clapped her hands together, “ It’s wonderful, people would come from all around the city to watch these people perform their songs. They’re sort of like a travelling band, some of them do concerts for charity, which means the money they gather from the audience would be given to those in need.”

She begins rambling on about her strange and exciting world, a place where buildings are encased with metals as they grazed the sky and people no longer use carriages pulled by horses. He finds it incredulous, this place she was talking about, yet she must’ve thought the same way about Middle Earth.

He titled his head to the side, watching her babble on, her hands waving in the air as pure passion poured out of her eyes and smile. He memorized the way her hair seemed to grow lighter under the sun, the way her limbs seem to effortlessly glide against the air as she described the otherworldly objects found in her home.

Thorin was convinced she was a human trapped in an elf’s body, her presence levelled the elleths in Rivendell. If it wasn’t for her lack of pointy ears he would’ve seen her as such in the blue dress she had worn days ago. The image nearly sent him over the edge, not because he found it repulsive, in contrast, he found it pleasing. The fact that he did not argue with the thought of her beauty scared him more than he liked to admit.

Conflicted, he pulled himself away from his thoughts and turned back to the group behind him. More dwarves were now huddled beside her, including Dwalin, who much to his surprise,seemed to be intrigued by her stories.

“ To earn more money for the tickets because they cost a fortune, I took multiple summer jobs. I would sometimes stand in front of shops to advertise their products; there was also a point where I joined an audition for commercial broadcasts. I ended up getting the position and got cast in two commercials.”

The dwarves titled their heads at the alien term and she proceeded to explain effortlessly without missing a beat, “Commercials are a way for companies to advertise their products. For example, if you’d like to sell a product, you’d have to make sure people are interested to buy your craft. You have to find someone convincing and persuasive to describe the product to sell it and this will be broadcasted so it’ll reach everyone. It has to be interesting and eye-catching.”

“ You’re saying that this is a way of luring people to buy what you sell?” Dwalin contemplated, “That’s quite smart,lass, and you’re the person to, as you call it, advertise these products?”

He wasn’t surprised at their interest. He smiled in satisfaction. Dwarves are craftsmen, he and his kin are prideful about their work, their creations are considered as a work of art and something to be respected as it is in their nature to build.

“ Yes, advertisements can be used for any kind of products,” She tapped her chin, looking for examples, “ It could be food or clothes. If it was food, I’d have to hold out the dish and put on a big smile and describe how good it is, even if it’s not that interesting. If it was clothes, I’d have to wear it and pose and in return it makes the dress look more eye-catching.”

“ In other words,” Thorin scoffed, “ Lying. How wonderful,woman, you make your living out of lying.”

“ It’s not really a lie,” She crossed her arms, “ It’s just to grab their interest, to make it seem worth buying.”

“ Clothes? You must have a lot of fun showing it off to them,” Kili wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, to which Jin Ae replied with a nudge. Dwalin shot the young dwarf a glare, to which he sheepishly smiled, seeming quite proud of himself despite the warnings.

Thorin tried to shake out the image of her in the dress his mind has fabricated for him.

“ I was really good at it,” She commented proudly, stretching her arms in front of her, “ In return, I got the money I need to go to the concert.”

“ I highly doubt that ,woman,” Thorin grumbled.

“ Would you like to see for yourself?” She challenged, stepping in front of him with her hands on her waist. They were nearly the same height, yet Thorin always seemed to find a way to look down at her, his eyes drifting to the shy of her collarbone as it peeked out of her dress shirt.

 “ You think you can just bat your pretty eyes and flash a smile to win someone over?” Thorin dismissed.

There was  pause, before her face lit up.

“ So you agree that my eyes are pretty?” She pressed her hands together, grinning teasingly at him. Thorin froze, catching his words before mentally shaking his head. He looked away, turning to continue straight on. She, however, didn’t falter in step as she chased after him, trailing beside him like an excited puppy.

“They’re not as persuasive as you claim,” He lied, “ Tell me woman, who’d possibly fall for your pretty eyes?”

“ Well,” She hummed thoughtfully, putting a finger on the side of her cheek, “ You did let me join your company, didn’t you?”

Thorin halted, stopping in his tracks as she continued on forward. She skipped a puddle, not bothering to turn around as she whistled. He gritted his teeth, trying to swallow his shame as Dwalin walked up to him. The ax wielder clasped his hand on his back, trying to hide his own smile.

“Not a word,” Thorin threatened.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Thorin didn’t know whether he should feel sorry for the woman or if he should relish at her misery, even if he did want to choose the latter he can’t deny how spent she looked.

By the fire, her skin seemed to glow, sticky and drenched with sweat. Her hair was piled up in her head like a bird’s nest, in the messiest bun he’d seen on a woman. Strands of hair escaped the funny little circle she had called a ‘rubber band.’ It perched her locks up in a castle of Auburn, exposing her nape and how it shimmered by the firelight.

Her thin cotton shirt was clinging onto her back almost obscenely, yet he can’t find himself to turn away as her body rippled underneath, her arms shaking as they wield the needle she called a sword. Her legs were wide apart, the curves of her calves emphasized by her breeches and he had to avert his eyes from trailing over to what’s above her thighs. He cursed the elves for lending her such garment and he was hyper-aware of her little gasps and sighs as she collapsed on the ground in exhaustion, her palms pressed against the soil as she huffed out in frustration.

“ Dwalin,” She breathed out, her voice rough like the firewood Kili tossed into the fire, “ Let’s go another round.”

“ You don’t look like you can take another hit,” He commented bluntly, holding his own sword. He didn’t look the least bit tired, his face almost bored as he watched her squirm on the ground. The rest of the company ate their dinner, some watched her being thrown around like a sack of potatoes and some went on with their own business.

Jin Ae had offered to help during lunch, yet when he took a spoonful of the murky water she called soup he nearly spat it on the ground if it wasn’t for his manners. He had seen the others do the same, forcing themselves to swallow the liquid and force a shaky smile. Only after she cooked did she admit that she had never done it before, as she has always opted out on buying from what she called ‘ _restaurants_ ’ or having ‘ _uber eats_ ’ deliver them. It is strange to see a woman who does not know how to cook, yet he suppose no other women can be as strange as her.

He then whispered to Bombur to forbid her from going near the pot, to which he happily agreed.

That was why Dwalin had suggested that they train every night as she has nothing else to do. They have been doing this for days and by the end of every session, she would always be on her back, her hair strangling her neck as she coughed in exhaustion.

Bibo would always try to console her, patting her on the back and assuring her that she's doing well. The woman would only shrug and whisper a thank you, frustration brimming tears against her eyes. Yet, he could tell that she wasn't close to giving up because her eyes were still ablaze with resolve, flickering with passion like the fire before him.

Today was the first time the stern dwarf had challenged her that she’d only have dinner once she succeeded in sparring with him. Thorin knew the man would have something like this up his sleeves. Her objective was to have him on his back, which Thorin thought was easy enough. Yet, they have started training since sundown, and now the sun was nowhere to be seen as stars littered the black skies.

As much as he was having fun seeing her wobble around like a strand of leaf against a wind, he was beginning to feel sorry for the lass.

“ I can do it,” She slurred, her breathing quickening, “ I’m good.”

He raised an eyebrow at her determination and he couldn’t tell the difference between her dedication and stupidity, there was a thin line between being resilient and overconfident. He should know that since he had been in her position decades ago when he was just a young dwarf under Dwalin’s care. His old friend had been much harsher with him and much less forgiving too, despite that it made Thorin a skilled fighter and for that, he couldn’t thank Dwalin more than enough.

Dwalin, along with his brother Balin, and a few others had accompanied his father when he left the Ered Luin to visit Erebor. The small party was dogged by the emissaries of Sauron and Thráin was captured that night when he and his companions sheltered under the leaves of Mirkwood from a black rain. After a fruitless search for their leader, the company gave up and returned to Thorin to inform him of the news.

He didn’t blame Dwalin nor did he blame any of them, the devastating news had left him crumbled and nearly sent him to the edge. Those were hard times for Ered Luin as they have lost their leader and Thorin was suddenly reminded of his days of working as a blacksmith amongst his people, salvaging for coins and living in exile.

His eyes flickered back to Jin Ae, who was blocking Dwalin’s sword. Her body vigorously shook under the weight, her sword barely pushing his away. Thorin can tell that he wasn’t taking it easy on the woman and was fighting the same way he would fight Thorin. He sat up in alarm but before he could interfere, a voice spoke up.

“ I wouldn’t bother if I were you.”

He turned to meet Bilbo, his nose scrunched up as he watched the spar, “  She caught Dwalin taking it easy on her and she threw a fit, insisting that he fought her seriously even if she was terrible. She argued that orcs won’t go easy on her in battle.”

He caught a small cut on her shoulder, the fresh wound gleaming under the torn fabric. He cast a worried glance at Dwalin, who seemed to be struggling to take it easy on his opponent as she swung her sword down on him. The metal clanged against one another, the noise echoing throughout the woods. More dwarves have come to join and watch, their eyes widening in horror as Dwalin charged at the small woman.

He knew the company was still not used to having a woman in their midst. Despite having female warriors and dwarf women twice as fierce as they are, dwarves tend to guard their females as they are small in number and the idea of having a woman travel with them is just as absurd as it is concerning. Everyone treats her like a gentlefolk, to which she is, as she has never lifted a sword in her life. She claimed that in her world, no one needs to and he wonders if such a wonderful place truly exists.

The company was also still distrustful of her and Bilbo, aside from a few such as his nephews and Balin. He couldn’t blame them, after years of enduring the rough and unforgiving life in exile, having anyone else on their company is difficult, trust is most likely to bloom slowly.

Thorin flinched when Dwalin raised his ax, yet the blow never came as she dodged to her right side, using her leg to hook it around his boots and dragging it upwards. The old dwarf tripped forward, falling face front. The move had caught him by surprise as she made a motion to move to the left, the last minute twist was a smart move indeed and Thorin’s lips can’t help but curl upwards.

“I’m a slow learner,” She heaved, leaning forward to put her hands on her knees.

She suddenly shifted her gaze on him, her eyes accusing him of watching her the entire time and they glinted knowingly. Thorin immediately wiped the smile off his face, resting himself against the tree once more and reverting to his usual scowl.

 “But I learn,” She finished, holding out a hand to pull Dwalin up.

“That was a dirty trick,” Dwalin frowned, but the pride in his eyes was unmistakable as he accepted her hand.

She caught Thorin’s eyes once more,” I like playing dirty.”

He rolled his eyes, ignoring the implicit meaning of her words.

Not even Mahal can help this infuriating woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like Thorin's POV , please leave comments below as I appreciate them. I'm sorry for any grammar errors because english is not my native language !


	16. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait ! I just finished my exams so I'd be able to write more chapters often, thank you for your lovely comments and kudos !

**Chapter 15 : Soup, Books and High Praises**

_“Even if life gives you trials, do not be sad or angry._

_Your heart lives in the future._

_Your present is sad._

_Everything is a short moment._

_What passed, and what’s passing now…_

_will be cherished in the future.”_

\- While You Were Sleeping

 

* * *

 

 

Thorin looked up from his map and onto the conversation before him. Jin Ae was striking up a lively conversation with Bombur, complimenting him on his cooking. She craned her head to look inside the metal pot, grinning at the scent of freshly cut turnips and roasted meat.

“ How’d you learn how to make really good stew?” She asked in disbelief, taking a spoonful of the bowl he had passed her. He had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes when she pulled the spoon away, forgetting that it was fresh out of the fire and he couldn’t miss the not so subtle way she tried to fan her mouth.

“ I learned from the best, my wife,” Bombur replied cheerily at the memory of her.

“ We own a bakery back in Ered Luin, the lass is a great cook,” He praised, smiling fondly, “ She can whip up all sorts of treats, from tarts to cakes. Mahal had truly blessed me with a wonderful woman.”

“ She does sound wonderful,” She hummed, nibbling at her soup more carefully, blowing on the hot liquid before putting in between her lips.

“Aye, she is,” He agreed, “What about you lass? Anyone for you back home?”

Bombur naturally had a loud voice and his question caught the attention of most of the company. They all leaned forward eagerly and Thorin was close to scolding Kili for being the most obvious about it as he scooted closer to her, his nephew’s eyes wide and his smile mischievous.

Then, something clenched his heart at the sight of her sudden shift in demeanor; a sad and sunken smile plastered itself on her lips as she shook her head at the ground, her hair falling against her shoulders. She tucked the strands falling forward behind her ear, revealing her glossy eyes.

“ No,” She sighed, “ Not anymore.”

Before he could question the ominous phrase, she continued, “He passed away.”

“ I’m sorry to hear that,” Bombur whispered.

A heavy feeling poured itself over him and the company all looked away, seemingly hiding their crestfallen faces. Thorin clenched his fists; the idea of losing a lover was unfathomable to him. He had been betrothed once, before his exile. It had been an arranged marriage, decided for him by his father. Lady Medila was a noble lady, kind and patient. She was the daughter of a nobleman and like every daughter of a wealthy family she was groomed to eventually marry a prince, yet Thorin was no prince, not after Smaug’s invasion.

He had to let her go once they entered exile, it was a pity, but he came to the conclusion that as beautiful and strong wielded she was, she wasn’t what Thorin wanted. His time in Ered Luin gave him clarity and he learned that it was best if they went their separate ways. She had agreed and not long after their settlement she had married a woodcutter, a nice young lad who made her happy. Thorin was to say, both proud and envious of her.

Dwarves were known to be monogamous and only married once, the idea of Medila finding her sanâzyung, her one true love, made Thorin wonder if he’d ever found his. After their separation, he had been so engrossed in his work that he did not have the time or the interest to find a partner. He stole another look at the woman across him, who’s already giving into Bofur and the Halfling’s attempt to make her smile.

Her smile, he discovered, was more infectious than he liked it to be. It was irritating, obnoxious, but above all it was endearing. To see a woman who’s lost a lover smile like there’s no tomorrow gave him strength. If she could still extend her arms out to the night sky to share her joyous stories to twelve dwarves and a Halfling, she might not be as weak as he thought she was.

He had doubted her, yes, his first impressions were of her fainting at the very sight of a skinned rabbit and crying after being caught under the rain. But she was tougher than he had expected and had judged her too quickly.

“ Dwarven women are rarely seen outside the mountain halls,” Balin explained, Jin Ae’s eyes lighting up in interest as she rested her chin on her palms, leaning against her knees.

“ They seldom traveled in the outside world, only in great need, and when they did, they were dressed as men; with similar voice and appearance as male dwarves, even when they are rarely seen they are usually mistaken for a male.”

The story was drowned out of his ears as it blurred into the background. The night was cold and the wind skimmed the coat draped over her shoulders.

He turned away, noticing that he had been watching her longer than he wanted to.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“ It is late woman,” Thorin announced from behind, “ Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

Jin Ae lifted her head, her face dumbfounded as she stared up at him. Thorin could see that she had been so engrossed with herself that she was surprised to see him looming over her, even if he had made his footsteps clear to her. The book on her lap was still sprawled open; the pages lightly fluttering.

“ I’m doing tonight’s watch,” She grinned proudly, “ It’s my first time, Fili looked like he could use some sleep, so I volunteered to replace him.”

 

“ You’re not doing a very good job then,” He pointed out dryly, exchanging looks between his already snoring nephew a few feet away and the book on her lap, “ You’re too busy reading.”

“ Well, it’s a good thing you’re still awake too,” She replied, “ Besides if an orc scout were to attack us they wouldn’t be that quiet with their wargs.”

“ Do not underestimate them, woman,” Thorin scolded, “ They are smarter than we take them for.”

Before he could berate her further, he caught sight of the accessory perched above her nose.

“ What are you wearing?”

Jin Ae touched the brim of her reading glasses and smiled, scooting over the log to make space for him. She patted the wood, motioning him to sit next to her. Thorin didn’t move, but he finally gave in, resting beside her. They were by a Cliffside, not to close to the edge. The ocean of trees below them rustled to one another, sharing a secret only the forest knows.

He must admit, as strange as the object was it perched naturally against the bridge of her nose. The sight, he must admit, wasn’t a bad one.

 “They’re called glasses,” She pulled them off, passing it over to him, “ It helps me read. I’m currently reading one of Ori’s books; Balin suggested that it’ll help me in treating your wounds.”

Thorin analyzed the strange object, tearing it bit by bit in his head, mapping the curves and the hinges. He was drawn to the idea of a world filled with such brilliant inventions; it was no wonder that the woman beside him is as knowledgeable as any scholar in Ered Luin. She would read through hundreds of pages in mere days, begging Ori to give her more when the young dwarf was almost running out.

“Why do you need help to read?”

“My eyesight isn’t so well in reading close up objects,” She admitted sheepishly, “The words are blurred, but I can see images perfectly fine, that’s why I only use it when I read.”

“ Yet you are still young,” He passed it back to her, “ How did your eyesight become so poor?”

“ I don’t know,” She hummed thoughtfully, “ Maybe it’s because I spend too much time looking at you.”

Thorin gave her a warning look and Jin Ae chuckled, raising both her arms up in defense “ I’m joking.”

“Your jests are most amusing,” He replied sardonically, yet he was close to smiling at her straightforwardness. Perhaps, a few moons ago he would’ve thought of it as rude, yet after spending time with the boisterous woman he noticed that her sense of humor had a different streak.

As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he enjoyed them.

“ If you find me so foul woman you should have stayed in Rivendell,” He mused, “ With the pleasant and homely elves.”

“ I don’t find you foul.”

She looked at him intently, her eyes pouring out waves of honesty. The sincerity in her voice was hard to miss and the sign of endearment nearly made him look away, yet her whiskey eyes anchored him to her and he was unable to drift away.

“ You might be a bit grumpy,” She admitted without shame, “ But, you’re not so bad, Thorin. The elves are beautiful, can’t deny that, but so are you. I mean, you’re handsome, in a way. In your own way, you’re good looking. There, that’s the word.”

“ High praise,” Thorin replied at her rambling and he could feel something like pride mischievously inching its way to him, even if he was taken aback by her confession.

“ You know, a lot of people have told me I looked like an elf,” She chewed her bottom lip, a habit Thorin can never get used to, “ I don’t look anything like a dwarf woman either. Does that mean you find me foul?”

“ No,” The words escaped his mouth before he could stop himself.

She raised her eyebrows at the sudden outburst and he continued, “ Aye, you are no dwarf lass and you do resemble an elf, with your gangly stout and posture. Your skin is plastered against your bones as if you have starved yourself and your laugh is so loud you would’ve alerted the wargs of our position. You are no proper lady, yet you are not foul.”

He believed the insults that came along with his praise would earn him a scolding or two, yet she watched him as if he was the moon looming over them. Her grin was soft and gentle as they cradled his gaze. Thorin could hear the crickets chirping in the distance, it was the only sound to accompany them as they shared this brief moment of solace, as if he had been whisked away in a place where he could rest, he gave her a small smile in return.

“ I’m flattered,” Her reply was almost dreamy and she turned her gaze back on her book. They stayed that way for a moment, just the two of them under the stars, the snoring behind them amplifying by the hour.

“ I’m sorry,” Thorin didn’t know what compelled him to break the fragile silence, but he did it anyway, “ To hear about your lover.”

Her once relaxed posture turned rigid and for a split second Thorin had thought she had missed his words, her head still buried in her book. Yet, he only saw that she was crying, her teardrops staining the pages of Ori’s book. As if something inside her had finally collapsed because she was finally tired of pretending that she was alright. This had never been his intention, yet he was too afraid to open his mouth, in fear of upsetting her once more. He could see that she was struggling to keep the onslaught of tears at bay, her lips quivering as she hid her face from him.

He wished he could comfort her, he wanted to reach out and dry the stains across her rosy cheeks. He would even pull her close if time permits them and let her sob into his shoulder. Yet, it was not his place to do so.

“ Thank you,” Her voice was strangled, “ For accompanying me.”

“ Aye,” He nodded.

“ Please stay,” She requested and he cannot possibly argue with the sadness in her voice. So he moved closer to her as if he was being pulled out of his own will. He couldn’t remember much of what happened next, the night passed by like a blur as he did his night watch, but by sunrise, she had her head nestled against his shoulder, his wolf pelt around her body after he had seen her shiver in her sleep.

He didn’t have the heart to leave her, but a few members of the company were beginning to stir awake. He took one final look, selfishly memorizing the curve of her eyelids and the light kissing away the tear stains on cheeks, before moving away.

 


	17. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a flashback in this story so heads up for anyone who might be confused !

**Chapter 16 : stone giants, falling and morning**

_" Since, I was young, I knew I'd find you_  
_But our love, was a song, sung by a dying swan_  
_And in the night, you hear me calling_  
_You hear me calling_  
_And in your dreams, you see me falling, falling"_

_\- Oblivion, M83_

 

* * *

 

 

Jin Ae likes to laugh. She was always a vibrant person, bubbly and outgoing, she was the kid in kindergarten that shares her lunches with everyone and dominated the playground. In high school, she would always have a friend laughing by her side and not even the teachers can stop her from grinning all the time.

Jin Ae didn’t know why she did it, but maybe it was because when she was barely ten, the death of her mother has left a fresh wound in her memory. To stitch it up, she keeps telling herself that everything will be fine, that she and her father will pull through. Maybe it’s because she’s afraid she’ll forget what’s it like to smile whenever she cries, so she always to find something to cheer her up. It drives her co-workers insane and the other nurses would flat out refuse to be paired up with her during surgery because she’ll always try to crack up a pun or two.

Yet, she’s finding it very, very difficult to smile at the moment.

The last time she wanted to cry this badly was the day after Michael’s death. The day itself had been a surreal experience and she was still in shock and denial. Bargaining struck her on the second night when she was alone in her room staring at the dark ceiling and feeling the empty space beside her pillows. She started crying until her body convulsed, she cried for what felt like hours, wailing into her pillows to the point where she nearly threw up on her carpet.

Jin Ae wrapped her arm around herself, trying her best to not cry, because the last thing she wanted was for them to see her breakdown, even if she had every right to. She had been whisked away from her home without warning and dropped into the equivalent of the dark ages on the day her boyfriend died. To top it all off, she was now inside a cramped damp cave with soaking clothes, to make matters even worse she could feel the cramps against her abdomen, the sign of her early cycle banging on the walls of her insides.

She was glad at least, that the elves have given her a few materials to help with her lady troubles, but not even that can distract her from the fact that she almost died.

She closed her eyes, painfully recalling what happened earlier.

They were crawling by the steep pathway, the narrow road before them thinning with every step. They took the path where the wargs can’t follow them and this one just so happens to be by the mountainside, with a terrifying hundred feet drop below. She felt as if she was scaling the empire state building with no ropes, the imminent threat of instant death waiting for her in the abyss.

She had been in between Bilbo and Dwalin, her hands had been shaking the entire time as they inched slowly to the side. Bilbo had tucked her own with his trembling hands, looking at her as if to say that they’ll be alright, but she wasn’t convinced considering that his eyes were screaming in fear back at her. He had nearly slipped, the rock below his feet crumbling, nearly toppling him off the edge. Jin Ae pulled his hand while Dwalin latched onto his backpack, yelling as they pushed him backward.

Then someone had announced that there were stone giants above them throwing a fit at one another and Jin Ae wished she was back at the shire. She had clung onto the hobbit tightly, making sure that the rocks didn’t hit him. She watched in horror as a rift sprouted between them, separating half of the group. She had been with Kili, being swung around on the knee of a rock monster, clinging onto the walls for dear life.

She remembered Thorin screaming in vain for his youngest nephew when they collided against the wall and she could never forget the fear flooding his eyes when the monster plummeted onto the chasm below. Once he noticed that they were unhurt, Jin Ae though they’re safe for now, that it’s over. The storm has passed and they’ll continue on, yet she noticed that the hand that she was holding was no longer there and she screamed in horror.

“ Where’s Bilbo?”  She shot up, searching for him as her heart hammered behind her ribs, flooding her with the sound of her own blood rushing through her veins.

She was finding it terribly hard to see under the downpour and the tears blurring her eyes, but when she saw him dangling over the edge she can’t help but reach after him. His fingers slipped and she caught him on time, but in doing so she had lost her grip on the slippery walls. In those mere ten seconds, her mind went blank, her other arm clutching Bilbo while the other gripped the air.

She knew for sure that the two of them wouldn’t survive the fall if it wasn’t for Thorin, who had caught her just in time. The three of them dangled over the ledge and that was all it took for the months of effort she had build patiently to befriend Thorin to come crumbling down. She knew that he was angry at that time, of course, he would. She had risked her life, diving over the edge to save Bilbo when they would’ve only ended up dead.

 “He’s been lost ever since he left home,” Thorin had spat at Bilbo, “He should never have come. He has no place amongst us.”

“ How can you say that ?” Jin Ae argued back, something inside her has snapped, “Take it back Thorin, you know it wasn’t his fault.”

They were both stuck under the rain; tired, frustrated and afraid, moments from a near death experience. She knew an outburst would happen, she kind of wished she had kept her mouth shut.

He glared at her, the intensity of his gaze reflecting the anger of a thousand suns, nearly wrecking her body as he approached her. He had marched towards her and Jin Ae stepped back, the anger in his eyes burning her.

“ You think you have the right to tell me what I know and what I do not?” He growled, “ You were an even bigger fool to come with us when you had the chance to go home, a fool to think that you’d ever be a part of our company and a part of this world! I was wrong to take you with me; I should’ve left you in that wretched place.”

He whispered the last sentence, causing her to flinch backward. The venom and rage in his words can’t help but suffocate her as she lay above the rough surface of the cave. She caught Bilbo packing his things and she lifted herself up, her body numb and shivering. She tiptoed towards him in the dark, placing a hand on his shoulder that nearly caused him to jump.

“ Lady Jin Ae,” He whispered breathlessly, eyes widened in shock.

“ What are you doing Bilbo?” She saw that he was all set to leave and she knew the answer even before he had said it. He stood up, holding out his hand for her to take. She gazed up at her friend, her smile wavering.

 “Where do you think you’re going?” Bofur asked and the two flinched, watching as the dwarf looked at them in confusion.

Jin Ae could feel her throat tighten.

“Back to Rivendell,” Bilbo sighed, holding the strap of his backpack.

There was something stinging the back of her eyes, trying to force their way out.

“No, no, you can’t turn back now, you’re part of the Company,” Bofur shook his head, “ You’re one of us.”

Jin Ae bowed her head, inhaling deeply and counting to ten. There was something inside her that was wreaking havoc against her mind and body. When every fiber in her being was screaming for her to collapse and weep, her mind was luring her to reconsider. She wasn’t going to give that damned mountain king the satisfaction of making her cry. She was stronger than this and Thorin Oakenshield doesn’t deserve her tears.

She straightened up, watching the exchange between Bofur and Bilbo with more clarity than before. She spared a glance at Thorin’s sleeping form, his back was turned to her and she could barely make out the silhouette of his body if it wasn’t from the dim lights of the night sky.

“We’re not though, aren’t we? Thorin said I should never have come, and he was right. I’m not a Took, I’m a Baggins,” He explained, voice heavy and crushed with disappointment, “ I don’t know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door.”

Their conversation faded out of her hearing until Bofur called back her attention.

“ How about you Lady Jin Ae?” He asked tentatively, “ Are you leaving too?”

She could hear the rumbling in the distance, the storm might be returning to terrorize them again, or maybe it was the stone giants on their way to wreck more things.

“ No,” She finally decided, “ I’m not leaving. Thorin might have said some very nasty things to me that hurt my feelings but I’m still going to help you on this quest, even if he’d kick me out of the company I’ll travel on my own. I might die, Thorin was right, I’m a fool. I’m just a stupid girl who’ll never learn, but at least I’d treat one of your wounds before the wargs eat me alive.”

“Don’t you want to go home?” Bilbo asked softly.

“ I do, but so do all of you,” She gestured towards the dwarves, forcing a smile, “ If I have even the smallest chance to help ease your travels I’d take it.”

“ You don’t owe us anything, my lady,” Bofur continued.

“ I don’t,” She placed her hands in front of her, “ But it’s the right thing to do. I’m doing this out my own will, Bofur.”

He gave her a weak and tired smile and her heart fluttered at the thought of being able to make someone smile even if she herself was having trouble doing so.

 “ You know if you’ll tell me to turn around and go back to Rivendell I can’t let you go on your own,” She added, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing lightly, “It’s your choice, Bilbo, but if I can have a say in this I’d want to stay.”

Bilbo opened his mouth but was interrupted, Bofur’s words echoing throughout the small space.

“ What’s that?”

Jin Ae listened closely and realized that the noise she had heard earlier wasn’t the storm or the giants, but it came from underneath, like a stampede from the center of the earth waiting to engulf them. Bilbo pulled his sword partway out of its sheath it glowed bright blue under the shadows

“Wake up,” Thorin yelled in alarm, “Wake up!”

Perhaps if the floor hadn’t collapse underneath them she would’ve actually seen the look on Thorin’s face as the darkness pulled her away, separating her from Bilbo, Bofur and the company.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“ Do you believe in second lives?”

Jin Ae looked at the man beside her, raising an eyebrow questioningly. She tapped her fingers on the armchair, watching as the car drove through the morning fog. London was experiencing one of its heaviest rains that season, causing the roads to be filled with thick mist.

“ What’s with the sudden question?”

“ You didn’t answer mine,” Michael chuckled, smiling at her before focusing back on the road ahead, his hands lose around the steering wheel as they enjoyed their early drive. The streets were still empty as the sun rose behind the oppressive buildings.

Jin Ae thought back to her father’s words all those years ago.

“ No,” She shook her head, “ Not anymore.”

“ Funny,” He hummed, “ I think I might believe in it.”

She laughed, almost too loud as her hand flew up to her mouth, “ You’re joking.”

He looked at her seriously and her face fell, her hands flying up to cup his face, “Michael, sweetheart, what’s wrong? You’re the least superstitious person I know.”

She finished off with a shy smile and they came to a red light, the rain pitter-pattering on the hood of their vehicle. The silence hung in the air like stagnant water and she was afraid to break it, he seemed to notice this and spoke first, his voice fragile, which frightened her even more. She was used to his stern and baritone voice that commanded authority and confidence, yet what she heard sounded like it came out of a frightened child.

He gripped the hand on his cheek, cradling it with his own warmer ones.

“ I had a dream last night,” He sighed, “ I was laying in the mountains. It was cold, I think I fell into the water because I could still remember my own teeth chattering. I was bleeding, I think I was dying.”

“ Don’t say that,” Jin Ae whispered, caressing his stubble.

“ But I was,” He continued, “ and I was alone. What’s funny is that I couldn’t even recognize myself; it was as if I was this other person. I had long hair, I know, it sounds delirious. But, I can’t help but wonder about that story your father used to tell you, about second lives.”

“ You believe in that?”

“ I want to,” He glanced at the traffic light and it blinked red, “ Second lives means second chances right? It means if I die in this world, I’d still have more time to fall in love with you.”

“ What are you saying, listen to yourself,” Jin Ae breathed out, the tears falling out of her eyes out of her own will. She stared at her boyfriend, who had only been with her for two months, yet he had brought her flowers to work religiously and stayed with her during her midnight shifts, he had fallen asleep in one of the waiting chairs in the hospital and she had snuggled against him.

He had cooked her breakfast and took care of her when she had the stomach flu, he had taken her around the city in his motorbike and had kissed her on the forehead so often she couldn’t remember a day that had passed without him doing so.

It had only been two months but she had never felt more at home.

“ Even if there’s some alternate world, an alternate you,” She explained, “ You won’t be the same person. I won’t be the same person.  We might not meet, or fall in love. So don’t talk to me about dying, we’ve discussed this, I don’t want to lose you.”

She had tried to convince him to drop the case he was currently working on, but he was hell bound. His motive was fuelled with anger, vengeance, and loathing that she was afraid it’d get him killed. It had earned her a few arguments where she had to sleep alone and he’d come back crawling inside at two am, wrapping his arms around her when he thought she was asleep.

The light turned green, yet there were no cars behind them, only a trail of white vapor. He smiled almost sadly into her eyes, before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear to swoop down and kiss her. It was chaste, a brief and bittersweet one because she could taste her own tears.

It felt like a goodbye.

“It’d be falling in love with me all over again, or maybe it’d be falling in love with someone else,” He spoke, “ So, promise me that if anything happens, you’d be willing to do that. If I die, Jin Ae, you need to let go of me.”

She couldn’t fathom what had possessed him that day and she didn’t reply to him until they pulled up in front of the hospital, the thermos of coffee he had made for her hot against her palms.

“ I promise,” She smiled, trying to wipe her eyes against her shoulders, “ Are you afraid I’d like your alternate self more ?”

“ Only if he’s as handsome as me,” He replied, chuckling, “ Have a nice day at work.”

“ I love you, Michael,” She shouted from the main entrance, catching the heads of a few people. Yet, he only shook his head and grinned. She had caught a forlorn look in his eyes, a reluctance to leave.

“ I love you Jin Ae,” He shouted back, form the car window. There was something in his eyes that she couldn’t shrug off, this sad and glazed look. Yet, the last memory of that day was his smile as he waved her goodbye, the car disappearing from her sight and into the veil of white.

That night he was shot in the heart and at eleven thirty pm and he died on top of her operating table.

That was the last time they spoke.


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 : Darkness, Air and Final Goodbyes**

 

_" Soldier keep on marchin' on_

_Head down til the work is done_

_Waiting on that morning sun_

_Soldier keep on marchin' on_

_Head in the dust, feet in the fire_

_Labor on that midnight wire_

_Listening for that angel choir "_

 

_\- Soldier, Fleurie_

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Jin Ae awoke the world was dark and she could barely make out her surroundings.

There was a violent throbbing in the base of her skull and when she reached out to touch it with her fingers her muscles burn in protest, pulling her whole body taut. It forced out a groan from her, causing her to shrink under the wicked pain engulfing her body.

She controlled her breathing, trying to gather her thoughts as they scramble their way to the surface of her mind. She was Jin Ae Lee and she was travelling with Thorin and his company on a quest to reclaim Erebor, they had taken shelter in a cave.

She clenched her eyes shut at the migraine creeping in.

They had fallen, the floor underneath them had collapsed, sending them into the abyss. She and Bilbo had been separated and something had collided with her, tossing her away from him and the rest of the company. She could feel her satchel wedged between her left knee and the damp ground. She unclenched her fingers multiple times, carefully testing the tendons and bones to make sure they are not broken, before reaching with her left arm.

Her right hand tentatively reached out into the dark, following the path of the ground and onto a rock, using it as leverage to lift herself upwards. She sat up, staying still to tame the vertigo drowning her and swallowing the bile rising against her throat. She dragged the bag forward, placing it on her lap and slowly unclasping it.

Her hands roamed around to get a feel of the objects inside, blindly following the curves of each object and deciphering its shape. Once she feels the smooth rectangular outline of her phone she fished it out, pressing the button and praying to whoever is listening that it would turn on. She hadn’t used it ever since she arrived in Middle Earth, the last time she used it was when she had shown Bilbo where she was from. It had been turned off to conserve energy and she still had a power bank and a cable to boost the battery left in the device.

The screen buzzed to life, revealing a small crack on the top right corner. She sighed in relief, holding it close to her chest as she leaned her head back, thankful to find a wall there that would support the hurricane washing over her.

The unusually bright glow of her phone startled her vision, causing it to swim once more. Jin Ae feared that it was a concussion, but without actually seeing herself she can never tell, she just hoped it wasn’t internal bleeding because if so she might only have a few minutes left to live. Yet, the idea of surviving such a fall baffled her because when she craned her head upwards all she could see is a tunnel of shadows reaching up to an endless void.

She felt something poke her thigh and she whipped her head to see that it was the handle of her sword. Jin Ae couldn’t be happier to see it. She clasped it around her waist, making sure it rested against her right thigh.

Jin Ae wasted no time in turning on the flashlight inside the device, and white light illuminated the place, revealing to her rows of wet rocks and stagnant puddles. Quietening her breathing, Jin Ae tried to listen to the noise around her. She could hear water dripping from the ceiling, echoing around the cavern. Her heart sang at the sound of running water, the small splash nearly causing her to leap upwards, because if bodies of water can find their way in, they can also find their way out.

Only then did her thoughts drift back to the dream she had. She didn’t know why she had dreamt of Michael’s last moment together with her and she felt as if she had been reliving that moment, a dream that felt too real for her to say goodbye to. Yet, maybe that painful recollection was the closest thing she could get to one last goodbye with Michael.

A goodbye, that’s what her mind was trying to tell her.

But why?

Rivulets of water dripped above her nose, trailing down her cheeks as she stared on ahead into the darkness.

She’s not supposed to be doing this in Michael’s name, all this time she had been doing it for him.

Thorin was no Michael. They were two different people, despite living reflective lives. She had known this from the very start, yet deep down; she can’t deny that a part of her had done this journey in hopes of getting Michael back. It was a selfish thought, she realized that now.

Saving Thorin won’t bring Michael back from the dead; it won’t heal her bleeding heart or wash the images of Michael’s blood off her hands. Joining Thorin’s company should not be out of redemption because she can’t live with the fact that she couldn’t save Michael, it shouldn’t be a second chance to save the man she had loved.

It should be a second chance for her to save someone else, to save Thorin. Not for anyone, not for Michael, not for her, but because he deserves to live the life that was taken from him, because the people of Erebor deserve to see their glorious king and because she enjoyed trying to lure out his rare smile. In return, letting Michael go will give her peace, it will give her a second chance to start a life without grieving. He should exist in her mind as a happy memory and leave it just as such, nothing more but a figment from the remnants of her own life.

She knows that now.

_“ If I die, Jin Ae, you need to let go of me.”_

 She had said it herself; it was because she wanted to help the dwarves reclaim their home. It was because she wanted to see Thorin as the king he promised himself to be. It was because it’s the right thing to do.

Her hands quivered under the weight of his voice and she could feel the bruise decorating her spine. She exhaled, feeling slightly claustrophobic being squeezed in between the small spaces of the jagged walls. She knew she should focus on getting out of this miserable hole but here in the dark with nothing but her life on the line she can’t help but think.

Let go.

She needs to let go.

She pushed herself on her feet, gasping when she could feel the sharp pain against her calves and thighs. She used the walls for support, limping out of the cavern. She followed the sound of running water, using the faint noise as her guide. She stopped in front of a pool and as she squinted she could tell that a few feet before it was a dead end.

She glanced at the water, watching as bubbles begin to rise into the surface.

Air, there was air on the other side of the wall.

She waddled into the murky water, feeling the fabric of her pants clung onto her as her boots crunched the fragmented mud and rocks below. The black waters pooled around her waist, lapping against her abdomen. She banged the rocky walls, pressing her ears against it in a desperate attempt to find her way out.

There was an echo.

She sighed in relief, it wasn’t a dead end, and there was an opening on the other side.

The only way for her to get across was to dive under.

Jin Ae hunched her back, getting ready to dive, until something sunk its teeth against her collarbone.

She screamed, falling backward as the creature tore its claws against her skin. She scrambled her hands upwards, trying to shove it off her. She threw it aside, watching as it hit the wall. Her eyes widened at its red irises and wrinkled skin, where blisters bloomed like flowers across the yellow surface. She scrambled upwards, wincing when she applied to much pressure on her right foot. Her sprained ankle was throbbing redder by the minute.

Her phone was lying flat on the ground, projecting the light around them while her backpack rested above the line of her hips, brushing her sword and reminding her that she was armed. She unsheathed it right when the beast ran towards her and she slashed upward, missing when it aimed for her face. Jin Ae used her hands to push it away as it gnawed its jaws, only  inches away from her nose as it growled and yelped. In this state, she finally realized it was a goblin, but this one must’ve fallen here and went mad.

It must’ve gone hungry too.

She yelled, roughly pushing the small yet feral goblin, her hands tight around it’s mangled shoulders. She rolled to the side, sliding her right hand above its neck while her left hand reached for the sword. The animal thrashed against the ground as Jin Ae’s fingertips brushed the hilt.

It lurched forward and Jin Ae nearly lost her grip. She stretched further, going against her bruised muscles and wrapped her hands around her the sword, raising it, before using the hilt to hit it against its lower jaw. Its head instantly lolled to the side, unconscious, yet alive. She didn’t know why she didn’t stab it with her sword, maybe it was because she knew that it was just trying to stay alive. The wargs and the orcs were mercenaries, the goblin was just hungry.

Being a doctor has its perks, she mused since a punch to the jaw causes the head to suddenly spin around. This causes trauma to the brain that knocks the recipient out, leaving him, or in this case, it, unconscious. She peeled herself off the nasty being, before securing her sword. She grabbed her phone, increasing the brightness and holding it out in front of her. She thanked her father silently for urging her to buy phones in Korea, where they are mostly waterproof.

Stepping towards the edge of the water, Jin Ae braced herself, remembering her time in high school where she had joined the swim team. She wasn’t very good at it, but it did teach her a few things. The water was inky and there was no telling of what’s on the other side and she prayed that the water would allow her to open her eyes and see what’s on the other side, the light from her phone eagerly skimming the surface.

Jin Ae had to swim across, for the company, for Bilbo, and for Thorin.

She closed her eyes.

_“ Goodbye, Jin Ae.”_

She held her breath, before diving into the darkness.

 

* * *

 

 

Jin Ae swam towards the sunlight rippling above the surface. She could feel her lungs burn as she inhaled, letting the cool air wash over her face. Her arms were starting to turn unsteady, wobbling under the weight of her injuries. She had swum for what felt like ages, her heart hammering the whole time she held her breath and searched for the exit.

She was starting to lose hope and was afraid she’ll drown until she was pushed by an onslaught of current and into a small pool. She crawled to the shore, coughing as her throat constricted around her. Her body went limp, causing her to fall to the side. She rubbed her fingers over her face, feeling the tears forcefully ripped out of her eyes.

She stayed still, coughing the rest of the water out of her lungs and letting her pulse settle.

She listened to the gentle lapping of the waters and the sound of birds outside, their chirps carried by the wind and into the edge of the cavern. The sunlight stretched their hands towards her, sweeping the hair plastered across her neck.

Then she laughed.

She let out a chuckle before laughing in delight, resting both hands on her chest. It felt great to laugh again, she thought, letting the sound of her joy wash over her. She heaved herself up, trudging towards the entrance. She didn’t spare the foul place another glance, walking over to the field before her.

She raised her head at the warmth of the setting sun, letting it heat her clothes. She tucked her phone back into the pack and made sure her pack was secured. She knew she might have ringworms after swimming inside that pool, but it was the last thing on her mind as she heard a distant cry.

The last rays of sunlight vanished without the trace, revealing the night as it loomed over her. She could hear more cries, the voices echoing down the slope of the mountain. She jogged forwards, ignoring the pain and once she heard the familiar voices of the company her throat went dry.

In the distance, smoke was heaving up into the sky, leaving a trail of ash and grime. She followed it, rushing through the grasslands. She was greeted with a bright glow, the fire nearly engulfing the premise. She was surrounded by a ghastly orange grin that tore through the verdant woodland. The unfettered flames devoured the trees hungrily, licking and lapping at the coppice, twisting and swaying in a dance without rhythm.

If it wasn’t for a growl, she would’ve missed the warg in front of her.

Jin Ae ducked to a nearby bush, hiding as she eyed the orc pack.

Her heart fell at the sight of the company struggling to stay above the tree as it bordered by the edge of the cliff, the embers gleaming violently red and orange around them. She saw Thorin raise his sword, running towards an Orc and his warg. She shook her head; he can’t take him on alone. She saw the scars against his body and his missing arm and if she remembered Balin’s story well, it must be Azog the Defiler.

She caught sight of Bilbo standing, his sword out as he made his way down the tree. She must do something as well; she cannot sit idly while he is being tossed around like a toy. Azog swung his hammer down, knocking Thorin to the side. She wrecked her mind for ideas, taking another good look at the threatening orc. He was huge, towering over them as he sat on his warg. It’ll take more than a sword to knock him out.

She paused.

Knock him out, they need something to knock him out.

She rummaged through her bag for her hand sanitizer and she eyed the stick beside her that lingered beside a trail of fire. The standard hand sanitizer the hospital has issued surgeons contains alcohol; this one contained roughly sixty percent of concentrated and highly flammable alcohol. She popped the lid open, grabbing the lighted stick.

She used her blade to cut a long piece of damp cloth from her shirt, wrapping the torn fabric around her hands as quickly as she could. It was messy, but it was enough to protect her skin from what she was going to do. She smeared a little bit of the sanitizer over her sword, before clipping it back against her hip, saving the rest for the monster in front of her.

She saw Thorin lying down, Azog’s sword raised above his throat. The company was screaming and she could hear the tree inching forward the cliff. She held her breath, waiting for Bilbo. It was when he tackled the orc sent to kill Thorin aside did she jumped in, running towards Azog and throwing the liquid towards him. His head whipped towards her in shock, but his smile was almost mocking as he faced her, as if to ask her what spraying water on him would do.

Jin Ae narrowed her eyes,” It’s not water.”

She made sure he got a good look at her, before throwing the lighted stick in his direction.

The glowing splint burst into flames, lighting up nearly the entire side of his body. The warg under him howled in pain, tossing its rider off its back. Azog screamed in agony, struggling to put out the fire. Yet, the flames had no pity as it devoured his skin and the orcs jumped backward, unable to help their leader, in fear of being touched by the unforgiving ignition.

She unsheathed her sword, walking over to Bilbo. The two of them stood shoulder to shoulder, standing tall in front of Thorin. Jin Ae made sure the orc pack was watching her when she skimmed her sword towards the fire beside them. She pulled the weapon out, showing the flames that licked the blade as she held it out before her. She ignored how it dripped towards the handle, grazing the exposed parts of her skin as they clutched onto the hilt, the torn fabric around her fingers barely securing her from the pain.

Yet, she did not waver, because she was not going to let Thorin Oakenshield die.

“ Stay back !” She shouted, “ Or I’ll burn you too.”

They walked backward, the wargs baring their teeth at her. One by one, the company joined in, attacking the pack. Their battle cries echoed throughout the night. The weak man-made sword was beginning to slowly collapse underneath the blazing warmth of the fire, slowly shrivelling like a leaf under the summer sun.

It was when the Eagles came did she tossed the sword aside and turn to kneel above Thorin. She abandoned the wreckage around her, grazing her fingertips across his cheeks. His eyes were closed, yet she could feel the faint pulse below his ear. Her nose brushed against his and she whispered, even though he can’t hear her.

“ It’s alright, I’m here now,” She breathed out, “ I’ll protect you, Thorin Oakenshield.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Jin Ae' explanation about letting Michael go makes sense, it was what I was nervous about in this chapter as I don't know if it was well written enough. Let me know what you think of it dear readers and thank you for your support ! I am incredibly grateful !


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 : Eagles, Heartbeats and Fevers**

_" Perhaps the person we_

_are looking for is_

_in another dimension "_

_\- Kang Chul, W Two Worlds_

 

* * *

 

 

“I’ve been given permission to be a doctor; I faithfully bow to give my life to serve humanity. The health and life of my patient will be my priority. I will faithfully carry out my duties towards my patients, regardless of their race, religion or nationality. I will not use my knowledge inhumanely even when I’m under threat. I hereby take this oath on my account and on behalf of my honour.”

Her vow echoed throughout her mind, reminding her why she was here.

When the Eagles, who nearly scared her if it wasn‘t for Gandalf riding one in the distance, carried both her and Thorin away in one claw, she was whisked away into the night. As she looked down, Azog the Defiler stared up at her as if to promise that he will have her head on his sword, the blade shining under the moonlight. The entire side of his body full of blisters that would fade into burn marks, marring his already scarred figure.

The last thing she saw was his mangled scowl and then she fell forward against Thorin’s chest.

When the Eagle approached them, she had shielded Thorin, unsure of what to do and now they were chest to chest, legs tangled as she lay above his waist. The ride felt like an eternity and the whole time Jin Ae was trying to cradle his head with her arms, all the while their bodies are being held in the small spaces between the giant bird’s claws. She tried not to look down, not wanting to imagine plummeting into her death for the second time. So, she diverted all her attention at the King below her.

She ignored the way the Eagle adjusted its claws, bouncing them loosely as if to drop them at any given moment. She could hear someone call out for Thorin, the voice sounding all too much like Fili’s.

She constantly checked on his pulse, holding the base of his skull lightly so that he could breathe properly unconscious. With both her thumbs she wiped the grime off his face, skimming over the wound across his left cheek. She was being inched closer and closer to him through every movement, the Eagles soaring over trees and mountain tops. Her palms were flat against the front of his tunic and she wished she could feel his heartbeat, where she could fully hear the thrumming and beating of his mighty heart.

All she hears now was a dying pulse by the side of his neck, like candlelight gradually fading, it turned slower by the second.

“ We have to stop!” She shouted through the wind rushing past her ears, “ Please, he won’t make it! His pulse is fading!”

She didn’t know who the message was for, but she screamed into the wind nonetheless, hoping someone would hear them. Apparently, their carrier seemed to have understood her panic and it dove down to a nearby Cliffside. Jin Ae was having a difficult time to crane her neck and see beyond its magnificent wings, yet she could peek through the cracks and see that the rest were following, filing into one great circle before releasing them on the rocky surface.

She scrambled off him, kneeling beside his unmoving body and peeling off his wolf pelt. She could feel tears blurring her vision, but she forced them away, tilting his head back slightly to lift his chin, opening the airway. She ripped the ropes of his tunic to expose his undershirt, pressing her ears against his chest and by his nose to detect any breathing.

She heard nothing.

She pressed both palms above one another, using her body weight to push down.

“Don’t leave me,” She sobbed, continuing to give him chest compressions,“ Don’t leave me, open your eyes Thorin, breathe !”

The rest of the company followed, with Gandalf beside her. He looked down at them all the while telling the others to give her space.

“ Give the lady some space! ” The wizard demanded and the company reluctantly shuffled back, Kili and Fili’s eyes crestfallen as they relief on Jin Ae and if she listens closely she might hear their breathing more clearly than Thorin’s own.

She stopped the first set, shaking her head, “He’s not breathing.”

She continued once more, repeating the procedure, but this time she pinched his nose shut and place her mouth over his creating a complete seal. She blew into his mouth, his chest rising at the supply of oxygen. Her palms were flat against his once more and she raised her lips, doing another set of compressions.

She could hear the silence chocking the company as they watch her helplessly; they know that they should not interfere. Only she can save him now and the crushing weight of their trust in her skills nearly suffocated her.

She was suddenly reminded of Dwalin’s broke howl as he called out for Thorin’s name; she knew the two were like brothers. If Thorin dies, she would not only lose him but so will the company. They will lose an uncle, a brother and a king.

“Breathe!” She yelled, the words desperately falling off her like a prayer.

As if she had commanded it, Thorin’s body lurched forward. He coughed, heaving as he laid his head back on the ground; the sound of his strangled breathing had never made her happier. Jin Ae’s body slumped to the side and she tucked the stray hairs away to get a better look at him. This gave the company space to help him up and Bilbo scrambled to where she was sitting weakly.

“ It’s alright now,” Bilbo assured, pulling her into a hug.

She returned the embrace, burying her face into his shoulders. In this position, his hands found its way around her back with ease. The outward gesture had left her heart soaring as she knew Bilbo Baggins of the Shire would never hug an unmarried woman who wasn’t related to him in any way, but they were a long way from the shire and all formalities were tossed out of the window to make way for friendship and the delicate way he was cradling her warmed her heart, reminding her of how far they both have come.

“You did a great job,” She praised, patting his chestnut hair, “You were really brave, you saved him, Bilbo.”

The two broke off,smiling at one another, it was only when someone cleared their throat did Jin Ae stared up to meet Thorin’s eyes. She was taken aback by the intensity of his glare and he looked furious as he approached them, causing the pair to scramble up to their feet and a few steps backward. Jin Ae held out a protective hand in front of Bilbo.

“You! What were you doing? “ He barked, “ You nearly got yourself killed! Did I not say that you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild and that you had no place amongst us?”

She could feel Bilbo trembled behind her.

“I’ve never been so wrong in all my life!” He laughed as he pulled the Hobbit into a crushing embrace and she let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, stepping aside to give them more space as the company rejoiced behind her.

 “ Lady Jin Ae !” Fili shouted, standing in front of her with awestruck eyes, “Where did you learn that?”

“That was quick thinking lass,” Balin chuckled, his features softening.

“ I told you,” She smiled sheepishly, “ I’m trained in first aid.”

Thorin turned to face her and she could never forget the look on his face. The sun seemed to kiss his eyes and turn them into the summer ocean, reminding her of the getaways her father used to take her on Jeju Island. He stared at her with this look on his face as if he was staring at the view behind them instead of her, yet there was no mistaking that he was eying her with both wonder and amusement.

 There was a silence before he brushed his fingertips across his lips and she ducked her head, rubbing the back of her head and preparing an explanation when he grabbed her wrist and pulled it to him.

He placed a chaste kiss on the back of her right palm, it was brief and barely a skim, yet she felt the contact jolt through her like electricity. It jumpstarted her heart, causing it to flutter behind her ribcages like a bird demanding to be set free.  The action felt like a bucket of water, except she wasn’t insulted. She was shocked beyond her wits and her usual quick mind was now frozen as she watched him smile at her.

No one else seemed to notice the exchange as they hugged one another, celebrating another victory over surviving dangerous situations.

“I am sorry I doubted you,” He spoke, “Both of you.”

“No, I would have doubted me too,” Bilbo admitted, “I’m not a hero or a warrior...not even a burglar.”

Thorin diverted his attention to her and she placed both hands behind her back, beaming up at him, “All is forgiven, we know you were just questioning our capabilities, I guess you know the answer now. You can’t get rid of us that easily.”

Her words earned her another soft smile form him and her heart can’t help but soar into the skies like the dying embers of the firelight as they fled the burning Cliffside. Now, they stood upon the ridge, looking ahead to the misty mountains.

“Erebor; The Lonely Mountain,” Gandalf sighed in awe, “The last of the great dwarf kingdoms of Middle-earth.”

“Our home,” Thorin grinned tiredly and Jin Ae admired him from the side as he fondly recalled memories of his kingdom, his home.

The wind trailed their fingers against her still damp hair, causing a shiver to roll down her spine, yet she couldn’t find herself to care, because his smile was enough to warm her. He was like a fireplace and as she skimmed her fingers over her lips, she shyly decided that there was no harm in warming her tired heart against his rare smiles.

 

* * *

 

 

Thorin may have been unconscious but he could not mistake the feel of a woman’s lips on his own.

He had kissed a few women before; he was no fool when it comes to them. During the lighter days where Erebor stood proud and tall, Ironhill dames would flock to Erebor from time to time and when his brother was still alive, he and Frerin would go into all sorts of trouble with them. When Thrain had found Frerin in a broom closet with a shy noblewoman, he had missed the opportunity to open the cabinet beside it to find Thorin with a girl whose name he could not remember. However, those were decades ago and ever since Frerin died, the burden of his death and his father’s sickness eventually took a toll on Thorin. How can he possibly have time for women when he is off leading diplomatic meetings almost every day ?

He had watched as other dwarves began to grow out of their brief summer flings, after all, Dwarves would eventually go in search for their one true partner. If not, they would choose to live out the rest of their days dedicated to their craft. It was not rare for a dwarf to want to have a family, much to the contrary belief, but not everyone is lucky enough to meet their Destined, their _sanâzyung_.

Marriage and love were not matters to take lightly, he realized, and the idea of finding your Destined has caused him to lose interest in mingling with many women. The older he became, the more did he both crave and reject the idea of settling down. He knew he owes his kingdom a debt and as king, his faith was to marry a noblewoman from perhaps the Ironhills to continue the bloodline. Marrying out of diplomacy, that was his fate, he knew that, his siblings knew that. He knew the decision was final ever since he had caught Dis eloping with a woodcutter in Ered Luin, despite his horror of catching them together in her bedroom, he knew that there was no way of talking his little sister out of marrying a commoner.

He had seen the way they looked at each other and he couldn’t miss the love between them, they were perfect for one another, she had found her _sanâzyung_. Who is he to stop her from marrying her One?  There had been a huge argument between the parliaments and nearly everyone disagreed, but Thorin promised his sister that he’d see her married by the end of the year and Thorin may be a lot of things but he was no oath breaker. They were in exile and they were no longer the great sons and daughters of Durin. Who knew that this would give her the opportunity to find joy beyond measure.He could see that he had made the right decision when he cradled little Fili in his arms for the very first time.

Yet, they would not live in banishment forever. If they were successful, he’d have to go back to being their king and he is the only one left to ensure that the line of Durin survives. It is true that Fili is to be next in line if he doesn’t have an heir of his own, but there will always be a chance for diplomacy and treaties to exploit his love life. One fo the greatest weapon was forging alliances, one of them is through marriage.

He thought he had made peace with that until _she_ came along and Thorin refused to believe that out of everyone he has met in his one hundred and ninety-five years in Middle Earth, he had chosen a woman who isn’t even of this world.

_“ Don’t leave me Thorin !”_

Her words repeated itself inside his mind and he could not forget the fear in them.

There was no denying the admiration he had for her after what she had done and he regrets doubting her before he had seen what she was truly capable of. When Jin Ae fell into the chasm and away from them he thought she was never going to make it out alive, yet she appeared above him with her lips against his in an attempt to resurrect his heart.

He eyed the bruises blooming against the side of her arms through the tear in her sleeves, the damp fabric clinging onto her as she lightly shivered against the wind. Her foot was throbbing angrily red at him, twisted in a mangled and concerning way. He decided that he would not have her limp pathetically behind them, not when Azog was still chasing after them. As they wait for Bilbo, Thorin had pulled her from between Bofur and Nori, who were supporting her by their sides. He draped his wolf pelt over her and had swept her hair aside to reveal her round eyes staring up at him in surprise.

He had caught the way her fingers brushed themselves against her lips and his heart felt strangely lightweight against his chest, the feel of her kiss ghosting against his own. It had purely been to save his life, yet he can’t shrug off the feeling that it had been unintentionally more than just that. If it was not to save his life, everyone would have shrivelled in horror at the forward and indecent gesture. Thorin himself would’ve opposed it.

“ You’re lying,” A voice in his head laughed wickedly and he had to tear his eyes away from the fact that her blouse was nearly rendered transparent the water.

“There is a house, it’s not far from here,” Gandalf explained after hearing Bilbo’s words, “Where we might take refuge.”

“Whose house?” He had questioned, “  Are they friend or Foe?”

 “Neither. He will help us, or he will kill us.”

Thorin had exchanged a look with the company, who looked just as unsure as he was. Only when she suddenly slumped forward him did he realize that they have no choice. Nearly everyone was weary and injured from the events that unravelled last night and Jin Ae might have taken the worst toll, with scratches and fresh wounds littering against her milky skin, which were now covered in ugly shades of blue and purple. He could feel his hands tighten in anger, not at the vile creatures, but at himself.

He had failed to keep her safe and as much as he had been proud to hear from Dwalin about her heroic attempt to save him, he cannot deny the shame that washed over him at the thought that she had to be injured in the process.

“ Jin Ae!” Bilbo had yelped in shock, reaching out for her, but Thorin was closer.

He looped an arm around her waist to let her head roll to his shoulders. Her eyes were clenched shut as she tried to fight off the headache she claimed to have developed ever since their landing. He was no healer, yet he noticed that she won’t last long if they do not seek refuge soon.

Balin placed a hand on her forehead, frowning, “She is catching a fever.”

“ I’m...fine,” She slurred and Thorin huffed in frustration, kneeling to heave the woman on his back. She let out a startled yelp, arms immediately reaching to hug his chest for support. He looped his arms under her knees, involuntarily feeling the curve of her milky thighs through the soft fabric of her pants. He ignored the way her thighs snugly wrapped themselves around his waist, her chest pressed firmly against his back as her arms dangled loosely around his neck. The worst part was her head burrowing itself against the crook of his nape and shoulders, where he could feel her laboured breaths caress his skin.

 Balin was right, her cheeks burned as they grazed his stubble. He straightened, pushing away the thoughts surfacing in his mind as her lips grazed the pulse point above the fabric of his tunic innocently.

“What choice do we have?” Thorin sighed in defeat as the woman struggled to stay awake.

A roar splits the night behind them.

“None,” Gandalf said solemnly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're slowly crawling inside each other's skins ! I hope this chapter was alright, for those leaving kudos please drop some feedback as well as I'd appreciate it ! Whether it'd be constructive or not I'd love to hear it because I strive to write better  
> Forgive me for any spelling or grammar mistakes as English is not my native language :)


	20. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your wonderful and kind comments and all the kudos this chapter had to be split into two parts because its pretty long so hopefully the next chapter won't be up that late because I wouldn't want to leave you with a cliffhanger or on the edge of your seats.  
> Much love and thanks !

**Chapter 19 : Wolf Pelts, Stitches and Nauglamír**

 

_" What is stronger than a human heart ?_

_Which shatters over and over and still lives ? "_

_\- Rupi Kaur_

 

* * *

 

Jin Ae was horrified to wake up by the fireplace to see that her wounds have begun to rot, they glare at her menacingly, oozing out what she could only assume to be puss. She could feel the dirt and grime sting her flesh and she knew that she had to disinfect it quick. She was thankful to see that someone, perhaps Balin, had placed an ointment over it. She peeked inside the bandage, peeling the white fabric before scowling. Unfortunately, her immune system seemed to be fighting it, having been accustomed to antibiotics instead of herbal medicine.

Her eyes roamed around her only to find a long corridor filled with empty tables, they sit high above the ground, too big to be for any man. The fireplace flickered behind her, eating the wood fed to it loudly, her skin warm and dry. Her clothes were no longer damp, fluttering above her skin with wrinkles against its surface.

She pushed the thick blanket above her into a heap, wobbling as she tried to stand up. However, Jin Ae also noticed something heavy thrown across her, weighing her down even after she got rid of the blankets. She pulled the fabric from her back and it revealed itself to be Thorin’s wolf pelt, its silver furs rippling above her skin. She stared at it curiously and soon she remembers images of him draping it over her and the last thing she remembers before darkness engulfed her was her shivering body perched above his back.

She could feel the heat dusting across her cheeks and she folded it across her arms. There was distant chattering bouncing off the walls from the room beside the one she’s in and Jin Ae used the walls for support, limping towards the source.

The woman nearly bumped into someone as she turned to a sharp corridor, if it wasn’t for their quick hands she would’ve fallen backward. She stared up to see Nori, his grin wide and hopeful as he steadied her.

“ You’re awake !” He laughed, “ Jin Ae’s awake !”

He called out the rest of the dwarves, who were going about behind him. They all stopped to crowd her and she shrunk back, juggling a smile of her own as she tries to fight the pain creeping up the base of her skull. She was bombarded with a series of questions, mostly about how she’s fairing, but vertigo made it difficult for her to answer their voices all at once.

“ Enough ! Give her some space, she’s still recovering.”

They all parted away from her like a school of fish, revealing Thorin standing across her. The nightfall made it difficult for her to see any of them, yet she traced his silhouette with her eyes, squinting as he approached her.

“ How are you fairing ?” He asked.

She looked at the wound against her shoulders, feeling it throb in protest, “ I’m fine, just dizzy.”

He nodded curtly, “ You should rest more.”

“ Thank you but no,” She shook her head, eyes scanning the room, “ I have patients to treat and wounds to stitch, Balin won’t survive on his own.”

The old dwarf smiled from afar as he tends to his brother’s wounds, Dwalin’s lips twisted in a frown as Balin pulled the wound close with a stitch. He was holding a glass of what she could only assume to be ale, sipping it every now and then as Balin worked his way up. Eventually, the dwarves knew better than try to convince her to go to bed as she did argue that lying down will only make matters worse. She insisted that she needed to move and what is better than doing what she was here for? She started with those who had injuries like herself, gashing wounds and fresh bruises. Fortunately enough, only Dwalin and Bifur had major cuts, as they hit a few jagged rocks when they fall inside the Goblin trap.

She quickly took care of Bifur, patching up his forearm as they fell into small talk. She was aware that the dwarf could not speak the common tongue and hence Bofur translated his khuzdul for her, acting as a translator as they exchanged stories.She urged him to tell her about his fond memories back in Ered Luin and he complied by telling her of his days as a toy maker, she can’t help but feel genuinely awed by his stories. He also showed her few of his works and she had smiled at the small wooden replica of a dwarf. If only she had more advanced materials, she might give him a hand on the axe sticking out of his head.

Then she moved on to those who have small cuts, she advised them to disinfect it with alcohol first, which in this case was ale. She had sniffed the brim of Bofur’s cup and decided that it was high enough in concentration to clean it. They all sat in a circle, with Jin Ae walking them through how to properly patch up and dry a cut.

“ Don’t apply the ointment if your wound is not yet dry,” She instructed, patching the ones on her calf, “ If you do it will only make matters worse, causing it to react even more.”

As they sat there occasionally in silence, she was given space to think about the events that had happened throughout the week. It had never occurred to her that one day she will be burning someone alive with hand sanitizer, the sentence itself sounded absurd in her head, yet she had been desperate. She shuddered at the thought of Thorin lying there and what would have happened if Bilbo hadn’t stepped in. She would take his place, but she doubts that she’ll get there in time.

She snuck a glance at the Hobbit across her, his back turned on her as he drifted off to sleep. Everyone must’ve been tired, including Thorin, who was staring out of the window in search for any sign of trouble. His eyes were sharp as he scanned the plain, a wooden pipe between his fingers. Yet, she can tell from his posture that he craved a good rest. She tugged the wolf pelt around her body upwards, the fabric draping on each side of her legs. She had made a move to return it to him earlier, yet he had only left her with a stern, “ keep it.”

The gushing of water not far from them perked her ears and she lifted her head to spot a river below the hill of the house they were resting in, the blue waters tempting her for the bath she had missed for nearly a week and the idea of cleaning herself after a long journey put a smile on her face. She could see that some of the dwarves have washed themselves as they walk around donning a set of clean clothes and she felt embarrassed by the thought that she was perhaps the only one who hadn’t bathed.

She caught her reflection by a small mirror before wincing.

She definitely needed a shower.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Jin Ae made her way to the small stream by the clearing, the moon was already high upon the clouds. The crickets chirped around her, followed by a trail if fireflies and she couldn’t resist trying to catch one on her way down the steep slope. Balin had helped her craft a pair of underarm crutches to ease the pressure off her twisted ankle and it certainly had made her journey down here easier. Bless dwarves and their craftiness, because with just a pair of wood and ropes the crutches gave her the privacy she needed to go by the river.

She stumbled through a few bushes before finally reaching the riverbanks. Jin Ae scanned the area for a more secluded space, perhaps one where clusters of foliage would shield her from view. Yet, there was none and she was forced to bathe by a nearby tree, even that didn’t give her the reassurance that she won’t be seen. What gave her clarity was that most of the dwarves were already dozing off, their snores carried by the wind and through the open windows.

Jin Ae promised herself that it’d be quick bath as she set her things by a wood stump, she’ll be out just as quickly as she entered. Traveling with the dwarves have made her really good at sneaking around, moments of privacy were scarce when you’re traveling with a group of men. Her fingers found their way to the first three buttons of her tattered shirt and she was sure after this the clothing would be irreparable.

Just as she was going to undo the fourth one something emerged out of the water, splashing water against her. The sudden noise knocked her off her feet and she shielded her chest, watching in horror at the figure. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or even more frightened to see Thorin before her.

His eyes widened at her as he swept his hair back, before narrowing dangerously, “ What are you doing here ?”

“ To bathe of course !” She replied, her voice shrill as she tried to look anywhere but him. She finally settled by the wood stump beside her, watching a centipede wiggle by the foot. It was clear as daylight that he was naked as the day as he was born and she was just grateful that the water stopped right above his hips; where she had caught a trail of hair disappear underwater.

She felt her whole body flush and she frowned, “ What are you doing here?”

“ To bathe, of course,” He remarked dryly, gesturing towards the water around him. She slowly turned her head to him and she tried not to make it too obvious that she needed to force her eyes to stay with his. She had seen Fili and Kili walk around without shirts after sparing with Dwalin, the two boys have done it more than a few times for her to get used to it.

Yet, their uncle was a different matter altogether. She wasn’t surprised at how fit he is, she could feel it under his tunic whenever they come in contact and for the past few days, they have done nothing but that. It’s funny how they went form never touching one another to being shoved against each other in only a matter of days.

 His arms were generously padded with muscles and few scars that were starting to fade. She had always thought that too much hair wasn’t her type, but the man in front of her was far from what she’d call unappealing. She trailed up his eyes and he gave her an intrigued look, almost looking smug as she tore her eyes away.

“ I suggest you leave if you are here to pry,” He warned and Jin Ae whipped her head back to him.

“ Are you calling me a pervert ?” She scoffed, “ I’m not here to ogle at you Thorin, I came here to bathe and it just so happens that you came first !”

“ Is that so?” He hummed and she let her eyes wander anywhere but at his body and that’s when she caught sight of the nasty wound in his upper arm. She stepped closer, reaching out to point a finger at it.

“ You’re hurt,” She murmured, “ It’s a big cut, you’ll need to stitch it.”

He spared it a glance, “ Aye.”

She lowered herself by the riverside, placing the crutches beside her. She frowned at him sadly, gesturing for him to come closer. Surprisingly, he complied, drifting towards her in the water. His movements caused ripples to distort the night sky’s reflection and Jin Ae couldn’t find it in herself to take her eyes off him.

“ Why didn’t you come to me or Balin?” She scolded, yet her voice was softer than she’d like it to be.

“ You were tending to the others,” He replied, “ I could not ask more from both of you.”

“Nonsense, if you ever need anything Thorin,” Her eyes softened, “ You can just ask.”

He came face to face with her, his expression was unreadable.

“ Lean back,” She reached out carefully, her fingers hovering above his shoulders before pulling him towards the edge.  She guided him, manoeuvring him so that his back was turned to her. Jin Ae silently asked for permission and when he gave it to her, she almost had to scold her own eagerness to treat his wounds. Elongated fingers slid over his skin, shamelessly feeling the taut muscles beneath as they border by the bleeding flesh.

She reached behind her, stretching to pull her satchel. She had made it a habit to bring it everywhere, not knowing on when they’ll have to suddenly flee. Jin Ae reached inside to pull out her sewing kit, prepping the string and needle with ease before turning her attention back to Thorin. His hair was loose with only a few hairs braided, the beads hanging from them adorning intricate designs and carvings. She can’t help but marvel at the sight; it was not every day that she gets the chance to admire him this close. She can even smell the earthy scent he carries and feel the warmth radiate off his body; it made her head spin.

“ Tell me a story,” She whispered, the words coming out of her like a familiar song. It’s something she’d always do to patients who are under critical care, when she can’t afford to wait for the anaesthetic to settle and have to directly patch up their wounds to avoid too much bleeding. She tentatively gave his forearm a small squeeze before puncturing the needle against the edge of the cut, earning her a flinch.

“ You didn’t give me a warning,” He grumbled, his voice sounding strained as he tilted his head sideways.

“ You didn’t give me a story,” She chuckled, pulling the string taught. When he surpassed a groan she crooned at him, gently shushing him as her fingers stroked his shoulder blades in an attempt to ease his pain.

“The Dwarves of Nogrod were famous for the craftsmanship of their weapons. Most notable amongst their smiths was Telchar,” Thorin spoke, his voice low and raspy, “ Dwarves from Nogrod crafted the necklace Nauglamír, and Thingol requested Dwarven smiths from Nogrod to set a Silmaril into that necklace. Thus were united the greatest works of Elves and Dwarves. Yet the elves stole the necklace and the stone.”

He ended bitterly and she couldn’t tell whether the hiss at the end was at the elves or at her stitching.

“ Is that why you share a bitter rivalry with one another?” She questioned. It was interesting, to hear that their distrust with one another had run deep within their generations. She wondered if it could ever be mended, yet judging by how he had seen him talk to Elrond in Rivendell made the chances absolutely slim.

“ It is not easy to forgive nor forget,” He confessed bitterly.

“ No,” She agreed sadly, “ It’s not.”

That was when his muscles started to tense under her once more and an uncomfortable silence stretched between them. Jin Ae unintentionally pulled the string too hard, causing him to bow his head.

“ I do not mean to insult you, my lady,” He started, “ I apologize for what I have said to you back in the cavern.”

 “All is forgiven Thorin,” She sighed, “ I was just thinking about my own past.”

Another moment passed and she knew that he wanted to ask, but there was something fragile about sharing stories of a deceased lover. She found it out the hard way when she told Balin about Michael out of small talk and all he did was return a forlorn look. It appears that for dwarves, losing a partner means that you’ve lost your One. Their belief in one true pairing would explain the monogamy within their culture, but Jin Ae wondered if they were ever allowed to remarry or fall in love again.

“We weren’t married and he wasn’t my husband, but I loved him,” She hesitated, not knowing where to start. She recalled her time in the cave and she replayed her last goodbye to Michael.

 “Yet, his death doesn’t mean that I’ve lost everything. I can always fall in love again without ever forgetting what we had in the past. I can fall in love with someone new and love them unconditionally all the same.”

“Would you like that, my lady?” He questioned.

The answer was lodged in her throat, causing minutes of silence to span between them. She finished the last stitch, proceeding to cut the string before winding it. There was a howl in the distance, too far to alert her, yet loud enough to cause her to look around. There was a gust of wind that ploughed through the trees, shrugging the shriveled leaves off the branches and sending them spinning above the soil.

“I would like that,” She laughed dreamily, “Very, very much.”

He leaned forward and she released her grip, letting her hands fall on her lap as he smiled appreciatively at her precise stitches. She knew that the scar would close up evenly and hopefully when the marks fade it will only leave a faint line. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, she wouldn’t want to see another scar added on his body.

“You have a wound of your own,” He pointed out, gesturing towards her neck. She looked down, horrified to see that she still hasn’t closed the loose buttons, revealing the outline of her collarbone. It ended right above her cleavage and she tried to be discreet at redoing them. She stopped at the second one so that she could peek at the bite mark that rogue goblin had given her.

“One of them bit you,” He grumbled angrily, glaring at the one-inch bites littering the side of her shoulder.

“ Yes,” She huffed, “ I hope it doesn’t have rabies. I’d have to stitch this up.”

She struggled to fully locate the wound as it stretched all the way under the crook of her neck, where she can’t see. She knew she can’t stitch it up properly like this; she’d puncture a new hole and perhaps miss her mark. Jin Ae didn’t like the idea of puncturing one of her major arteries.

Thorin noticed her struggle, “I could help you.”

“ You know how to stitch?” She lifted her head.

“ I have survived on my own before you came along, haven’t I?”

She forced down her grin and settled for a smile.


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 ; Sirens,Sparrows and Wicked gods**

_“ I'll use you as a warning sign_  
_That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind_  
_And I'll use you as a focal point_  
_So I don't lose sight of what I want_  
_And I've moved further than I thought I could_  
_But I missed you more than I thought I would_  
_And I'll use you as a warning sign_  
_That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind”_

\- I Found , Amber Run

 

* * *

 

 

Thorin didn’t know how to react when she started peeling her clothes. There was a pause before he could finally register what she was doing; only turning once the white fabric inched up the small of her back.

“ What are you doing ?” He shouted for the second time tonight, feeling slightly insulted by her gestures.

Surely she knows how inappropriate this whole situation was, what was she thinking, undressing in front of him? Does she take him for some kind of fool? Does she regard him as someone with such little dignity and respect? Perhaps she does this in front of other men as well? His mind was jumbled with all these thoughts washing down on him like the first blizzard of winter and he didn’t know which thought was worse.

“ You said you were going to help me tend to my wound !” She yelled back in accusation and he could hear the rustling of her clothes, not having to turn around to know that she was discarding her pants, “Just stay that way for a while; I’m getting into the water soon.”

He gritted his teeth. He had only turned around for a fragment of a second and she took it as a sign to start disrobing herself, Mahal throw some sense into this infuriating woman before he sees something he’s not supposed to. She was only a Bachelorette and she already threw away her decency by traveling in a group of fourteen men and now she’s further discarding it by not giving him any warning. How can a woman this knowledgeable be so daft at the same time?

Any member of the company can spot them at this very moment and he was dammed if it would be one of his nephews. He knew how they would always appear in places they shouldn’t be, either way, they would share everything with each other. This wouldn’t go unnoticed to Dwalin, who would tell Balin, who would tell Ori, who would tell Nori, who would tell Dori and eventually the whole company would know. What is he supposed to say against their assumptions when they see him stand behind her as she bathes, even if he was fully clothed?

He supposed her lightheartedness towards almost anything is endearing, yet in situations like this, it borders to atrocious. He wanted to scold her terribly, yet the sound of her laughter made it nearly impossible for him to do anything as close to a glaring at her. Thorin could feel himself give into his frustration, how can he be so powerless towards her?

He could hear the splashing of water behind him and she let out a delighted squeal at the cold water. He shifted in place, his boots crunching the gravel and soil underneath.

“ Oh,” She breathed out, remembering that Thorin was indeed still there, “You can turn around now.”

Thorin cautiously moved to face her and he could feel the wind knocked out of his lungs.

Jin Ae crossed her arms and perched it by the riverbank, resting her cheek against her right elbow. She was looking up at him with nectar eyes, her thin and light hair pooling around her shoulders in an almost enticing way. He noticed the droplets of water decorating her lips, causing them to shimmer under the faint light of the moon. There was something within her gaze that made him unable to look away and his eyes trailed to the water lapping at the delicate slope of her shoulder blades.

Mahal, give him strength.

She scooped some water over her wound, washing it while she bit her lip to endure the stinging. She hissed, scraping her fingers gingerly over the dirt wedged between the scabs. Thorin finally found the ability to move forward and he set himself down on the ground. He asked her for permission, hovering his hand over her shoulder. She nodded mutely, leaning back so that the base of her skull touched his knee.

Her hair was swept to the side to reveal the already bruising bite mark and all of the sudden Thorin felt disgusted at both the creature and himself. It had punctured her dainty skin and it would surely leave an ugly scar. The thought of having her flesh marred by the foul parasite was enough to make him clench his jaws once more.

His fingers ghosted over her wound and she let out an involuntary shiver.

“ I’m ready.”

He picked up the new needle, twirling the clean metal between his fingers to attach it to the string. He gave it an experimental pull, “Close your eyes.”

She followed his instructions before he plunged the miniature blade under her skin. She yelled out a mute scream, writhing under him. The water rippled around them, distorting their reflections as it echoed down the stream. He did what she had done to him earlier; he crooned to her, leaning his head above her ear.

“Tell me a story,” Thorin commanded.

She swallowed dryly, her hand gripping onto the rock that jutted out of the waters.

 “ Once upon a time, there were two brothers, Nolbu and Heungbu. Nolbu was rich but greedy. Heungbu was poor but generous. One day, Heungbu found a sparrow with a broken leg. He nursed the bird to health before releasing it. Later the sparrow brought three gourd seeds to Heungbu. The gourd became so big that when Heungbo cut it open a lot go gold coins came out. Nolbu saw this and felt envious, so he caught a sparrow and broke its leg. The poor bird ran away and later brought 3 gourd seeds. The seeds grew and Nolbu cut them open, but instead of gold all he got were demons, that tormented him until the end of his days.”

Thorin didn’t know what to reply to her story, but he knew that it had been a story of greed, perhaps all too fitting to tell to a dwarf. He did not know if she was conscious of the implication or if she was just reminiscing a childhood story, either way, he didn’t stop his ministration. Memories of his father’s gold sickness and Smaug's attack flashing before his mind.

" It was a story my father used to tell me before I go to sleep," She added as if she had read his mind and wanted to quickly fix her mistake.

She gasped as he pulled the string taut before mercilessly penetrating her again, the metal dripping with her blood. He realized that she was squirming too much, so he slithered his left hand to the opposite side of her shoulders, cradling the base of her chin in place. His entire hand covered her neck and she sighed, trying to steady herself. 

“Can I ask you a question?” She asked almost too breathlessly.

He gave her a grunt.

“ When we talked about the elves earlier,” She sucked in a breath, opening her eyes,“ Do you think there’s ever a way to reunite your kingdoms and end your disagreements ?”

“ No,” He replied dryly.

“ Why not ?” She pressed on.

“Because I do not want to.”

She tilted her head to look at him, “Alright, then tell me the different ways to create diplomacy.”

He tightened the string, sewing the wound and her eyes flew shut. Her head lolled to the side to give him more access. Her wounds were deep and there were multiple of them, forcing him to spare her his mercy and dive deep into her skin. There was no other choice and he knew despite the tears forcibly falling down her lashes, she was not asking him to stop. He was asking her to not be gentle with her, from the way she was gripping his other arm for support.

“There are a few,” He ignored the droplets of blood falling into the water, “ There are trades, payments, marriages and more. Although, I highly doubt any of these will sway them. It will neither sway me to hand over my kingdom or my favor.”

She paused at his words, her body rigid and brows furrowed in deep thought despite the metal working its way through her flesh.

“ Marriage is used as diplomacy?” She repeated, twitching at another pull, “ Does that mean arranged marriages ?”

“ Aye,” He nodded.

 “ I don’t want to be rude,” She chewed on her lips anxiously, “ But does that mean that you might have to do that too, you know, marrying someone for diplomacy ?”

“ You have a sharp mind, Lady Jin Ae,” He replied nonchalantly and she swatted him on the side of his shoulder, causing him to stop his demonstration. She stared up at him with her beetle eyes, her lips pulled into a tight pout that demanded him to be serious with her.

“ I’m sorry to hear that,” She confessed genuinely, before turning her back to him.

“There is no need to feel sorry for me, “He continued, “ It is what I owe to my people, nothing but a small price to pay.”

She decided to divert their conversation and he figured out that she was more chatty when she’s nervous, the words tumbling off her mouth like wildfire. Oddly enough he wasn’t the slightest bit vexed as he listened to her voice.

She was beginning to adjust to his pace and she no longer jumped at every movement, the pain rolling off her in sweet sighs and sheepish laughter. He no longer finds himself worrying about getting caught anymore, having a difficult time to focus at anything other than the woman before him. Her breathy giggles and strangled humming however nearly drove him over the edge, making his head whirl.

She strangely reminded him of the stories his cousins would tell him in the ]far East, where sailors would catch mermaids in their nets. The stories were as impossible as they sound, stories about half women and half fish creatures that lure sailors into their deaths by drowning them. They were called sirens, if he remembered it well, beautiful and enticing creatures that will be the death of him.

She laughed once more, recalling a fond memory from her childhood.

Perhaps his cousins were right, how can he ever say no to her now, after he had seen the way she moves between the waters and under the moonlight. Only when he finally finished patching her wounds did she finally ask him, her voice almost fragile as they crawled out of her mouth.

“ So you’d give it away ?” She spoke in a hushed tone, “ You’d give up your heart for your duty ?”

Thorin never wanted to answer her, yet he knew that if he doesn’t he’ll forever doubt himself of his birthright. He imagines himself above an iron throne, wasting away with the castle walls with nothing but his forge burning underneath him. He also occasionally imagines himself with a woman in his bed, but they lay apart from one another as if their touch burns. Nothing more than a couple of strangers forced into diplomacy by their families and tied together by a sense of duty instead of unconditional love.

Was this what he was truly here for?

Was this the debt he owes?

There are rare moments where he imagines neither. When after a few pints of ale he is not conscious to hold back his dreams and in his sleep he envisions himself having the life his sister has. In his dream, the weight of the crown was almost meaningless as they lay above his head. In the mornings, he’d despise himself for his wishful thinking, as he knows it is a dream not worth chasing.

Yet, he was only a man and he could not help but wonder what if he had a choice?

When he told her ‘yes’ she didn’t reply with her usual quips, she stayed silent as if she had missed his answer. The fresh stitches on her shoulder gleamed red above the waters and the shadows of the night hid what’s beneath the wicked curves of her collarbones.

She stared at him like a creature of the night, full of emotions he could not comprehend.

Only a few nights ago did she stared at him as if he was the last thing she’d like to bestow her eyes upon, as if he was a vile creature; no better than the one that had attacked her. He could still recall their bickering and nights where it was impossible for them to go near one another without debating over petty matters. How wicked are the gods’ sense of humour to make him so fond of a woman he initially despised?

They stayed there for what felt like an eternity, until she ducked her head to wrap her arms around herself, submerging her body further into the water until it bordered over the bride of her nose. Her eyes peeking out at him in what he perhaps have mistaken as an invitation. The warmth blooming under her bottom lashes matched the colour of the flowers scattered around them; the crimson lilacs singing a secret song with the wind.

“ Well,” She challenged, showing him her teeth,“ Try not to fall in love with me then.”

“ That is no challenge my lady,” He smiled at her.

It was only then in the confines of his bedroll did images of her plagued his dreams; her rosy lips, the curve of her back and the dried tears staining her cheeks. He could also hear her vibrant laughter and dreamy sighs as he imagined his hands running down the expanse of her battered skin, soothing the wounds off her flesh.

He was right; it was no challenge when he finds himself losing, much to his horror.


	22. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I was feeling unwell for the past couple of days but here is the next chapter !

* * *

 

**Chapter 21 : Geese, Ale and Dolzhek Menu**

_" All 'cause you love, love, love_  
_When you know I can't love_  
_You love, love, love_  
_When you know I can't love "_

\- Love, Love , Love ( Of Monsters and Men )

* * *

 

It was only until Jin Ae saw Beorn did she realized that it wasn’t the house that was oversized, but rather, they were too small. In comparison to the skin-changer, the barn animals were nothing out of the ordinary, yet next to her they were too big for her to even fully hug.

Jin Ae had been awake when he had entered the gardens and she had watched him curiously from the windows. It’s safe to say that her eagerness had caused her to be spotted by Beorn. When the two made eye contact Jin Ae immediately pulled away and ducked under the window pane and she didn’t have time to see his expression.

 “You brought a woman,” He growled.

“Yes,” Gandalf admitted, “ You see we rescued her from the Goblin caves.”

She knew the lie was nothing more but a stretch from the truth, besides even if it wasn’t what happened, it was better to play with Beorn’s hatred towards goblins over dwarves. She stayed in her seat, feeling her seatmate’s distress as they reach out to hold her. Yet, she smiled at Bilbo, even if she was fighting the urge to run from his glare.

“It is strange, dwarves don’t usually let their women travel into the wildlands,” He narrowed his eyes at her.

“ I’m from the race of men,” Jin Ae clarified, glad that her voice didn’t waver.

His scowl deepened, “ That explains the lack of beard, yet that still doesn’t explain why you’re here. If what you say about your quest is true then you’d have to go through Mirkwood. A darkness lies upon that forest. Fell things creep beneath those trees. There is an alliance between the Orcs of Moria and the Necromancer in Dol Guldur. I would not venture there except in great need. These lands are crawling with Orcs. Their numbers are growing, and you are on foot. You will never reach the forest alive. The forest is no place for a woman and that is why I will not allow you to pass.”

She blinked at him in surprise. He wasn’t angry at her presence, he was angry by the fact that she was in the quest. Jin Ae was aware that it was a bit unfair for him to treat her differently, but after traveling with the company she found out that Middle Earth sexism was out of virtue and concern rather than of doubt and prejudice.

“ I understand your concern,” She explained, “ Yet, I’ve come all this way to help these dwarves reclaim their home and I’m not going to turn back now. I’ve signed a contract and I’m not going to break my promise, even if it will cost me my life. You don’t suppose that you’re going to force me to toss away my honour?”

He seemed unsure of his next reply and he resolved in sitting down across her as if he suddenly felt a heavy weight on his shoulders.

“ My family was taken away from me,” He sighed, “ I’ve lost my sisters, a wife, and daughters.”

“ And so have they,” She reasoned softly, “ They’ve lost their home, their families and the very thing that makes them who they are. They’ve lost not only the women in their life but also fathers, brothers, and comrades. Tell me, who am I to turn my back on them?”

“I don’t like dwarves,” Beorn admitted, stalking towards Thorin and staring him down, “ They’re greedy and blind, blind to the lives of those they deem lesser than their own.”

“But Orcs I hate more,” He finished, “ What do you need?”

* * *

 

“ Do you fancy her Uncle?”

The son of Durin looked at his nephew incredulously, his eyebrows raised as he gave him a confused look, “ I’m sorry?”

Kili sighed before using his bow to point at the woman being currently chased by a flock of geese, the animals trailing after her heels as she sprints across the grass, her nervous laughter echoing down the hills. He had seen Dori warn her about feeding the birds, yet she had waved his warning away as if it meant nothing, mindlessly throwing her bread crumbs at the flock. It was only when she had none left did she realizes what a big mistake she had made and why Beorn only feeds them once a day.

“ Lady Jin Ae,” He pointed, “ She’s growing on you.”

“ Nonsense,” He scoffed , folding his arms in defence.

“ Why not?” Kili pressed on innocently.

“ You know better than anyone, Kili,” He sighed, “ She is not of our kin. Our people will not accept an outsider so kindly, even I am confused at how we should present her to the public if we were to succeed in this quest. I believe they would not take her and Mr.Baggins affiliation with the company well.”

“ That doesn’t deny the fact that you like her,” He argued.

“  She is no different than a child and she is too loud for her own good. She doesn’t sit like a woman nor act in the slightest bit like one, she has not a single care for decency or propriety,” Thorin grumbled, “ As much as I value her skills as a healer, she is stubborn and insufferable in her own right.”

They stared on at the woman as she was cornered on top of a tree, her arms hugging the branches in horror as the flock squawked at her from below, demanding to be fed once more. She wore a neat blue shirt today with a vest over it, paired with black breeches that ended above the crown of her boots. Thorin observed that she looked much more presentable today with her hair neatly combed behind her, although he doubts it will stay in place with her current state of predicament.

“ You didn’t say no,” The youngest of his sister’s sons concluded with an ear-splitting grin.

“ No,” He declared with finality, “ I do not fancy her. Now go fetch her down that tree before she hits her head on the soil.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Thorin didn’t know whose idea was it to have ale on the last night of their stay at Beorn’s, but whoever contributed to the idea is going to have to answer to his words.

He watched from his table as his men sang merrily, their voices echoing throughout the wooden barn. The pints of ale were scattered above the table top and they sat alongside it, grinning and laughing as if they had finished their quest, but who is he to argue with them? As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, any night could be their last and he’ll be damned if they do not have a good time before they continue on the road ahead once more.

However, it was starting to bother him ever since he saw Nori sneakily offer Jin Ae a pint. It was a harmless gesture of friendship and she was right to accept it, but he did not expect her to actually get drunk once she finished it. The pint was twice the size of a regular one, yet nonetheless, it revealed that the healer was a lightweight. Throughout the evening she had been sipping her drink sheepishly, occasionally stopping to engage in conversation or to laugh at one of their antics.

She had declined a few times, saying that doctors know better than to drink. Yet, he supposes not even she can resist an offer when she had nearly got herself killed twice in a day. Jin Ae was no exception from anyone, she was also weary and tired from their journey and she couldn’t possibly pass up the opportunity to smile without a care.

Soon she started laughing, giggling as if she was going to have a hiccup as she stared at Nori and Bofur’s dancing. She clapped her hands cheerily, grinning from ear to ear once they finished. Then, someone started urging her to dance, tugging at her hands. Kili had a twinkle in his eyes when he had the woman up from her chair and Thorin knew his nephew was never up to no good with that look in his face.

That was when they started dancing. She linked her arm with his as they spun, kicking their legs as they twirl upon the table top. Her hair was wildly flying all over her face, latching itself upon the corners of her lips as her cheeks bloom red against the firelight. Her injured foot no longer inflated as it blurs into a faint blue mark. However, there was no denying that she was going to strain it once more judging from the speed of their dancing.

Thorin knew he had to step in and that was when he rose from his seat, only to have Kili shove her into his arms. His nephew made a show of tripping and he flew across the other side of the table and landing right on his feet, letting go of their healer and letting her saunter backward. She fell across his chest and he clutched onto the underside of her knees, his other hand resting under her shoulders.

“ Kili !” He scolded, but the dark-haired dwarf shrugged in apology, not seemingly sorry at all with his smug smirk.

“ I think you should escort her to bed uncle !” He feinted pity from across the table, “ She does look spent.”

There was a chorus of agreement and he knew they were far from taunting or malicious, yet he glared at Kili’s cheeky smile. Thorin adjusted her in his arms, a wave of giggles pouring out of her lips as she lay snugly across his arms.

“ End this soon,” He warned, “ We have a journey ahead of us tomorrow, do not be late.”

With that he turned to his heels to carry her back to her bedroll, turning into the hallway that separated the living room from their settlement. She had stopped laughing when they reached her bedroll, her eyes droopy as she struggled to keep herself awake. Thorin set her down on her feet, but as she swayed he had no choice but to hold her shoulders to keep her in place.

“ Jin Ae,” He coaxed, “ Look at me lass.”

She pried her eyes open and stared at him through a half-lidded gaze, letting out another giggle, feeling compelled to rest her head on his shoulder once more. He insisted, holding her upwards as she whined in protest.

“ You’re not in your right mind,” He explained, yet she only gave him an empty look, as if she was already asleep.

She rolled her head to the side, resting the crown of her head above his fingers. Thorin sighed in defeat, “ Are you listening to a word I say?”

She didn’t move, her eyes starting to close once more. He stared at the dark hallway and cheers could still be heard echoing from the room beside theirs, the thudding against Beorn’s table indicating that they were still enjoying themselves. No one was here, not even Bilbo or Ori, who usually isolates themselves from such parties.

He laid her down the bedroll, pulling his wolf pelt over her. He did not know what had overcome him to give it to her, as he knew gifts were not meant to be given lightly and he had bestowed upon her one of his family’s bearings. She burrowed deeper into the fabric, shielding herself from the night chill.

He stared at the ceiling, exhaling.

“ You won’t remember this ?”

She was fighting the urge to sleep and was distracted by her inability to stay conscious.

“ You are the loudest and most unreasonable woman I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Your laughter is too loud for your own good and you don’t have the slightest shred of decency. You drive me mad and I cannot understand you at times. You are nothing more than a strange woman from the race of men.”

He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“ Yet I am growing fond of your boisterous laughter. You gave up your home to help us reclaim ours, never would I ever envision someone who would risk themselves to do such a thing. I apologize for all the things I have said to you, despite my words I do think well of you. You are brave and compassionate, that kind of beauty doesn't go unnoticed. I pray to the gods that you will survive this journey, as I will miss your smile, strange woman. _Dolzekh menu_ , Jin Ae.”

She shifted in her sleep, furrowing her brows as she tried to sink further under the covers. He chuckled at her, before taking his leave, leaving a trail of footsteps behind him.


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 : Mirkwood, Daggers and Giant Spiders**

_" Show Me A Hero_

_And I’ll Write_

_You A Tragedy "_

_\- F.Scott Fizgerald_

 

* * *

 

Jin Ae underestimated the warnings Beorn gave her about Mirkwood. Darkness pressed in on her from all sides and her body screamed for her to run.

Even if the sun was still up it would not penetrate the dense canopy above, which hung over her oppressively. The woods were suffocating her, making her throat constrict with sickness every now and then.  She walked under the dark tresses of the trees, hooking a weak finger around the clasps of Bilbo’s pack, following him as her boots crunched against the pile of leaves and gravel.

“Come on,” Thorin announced from ahead, “We must reach the mountain before the sun sets on Durin’s Day.”

She knew she wasn’t hallucinating, there were whispers around her, probing and tempting her mind to succumb to the shadows around her. Despite getting drunk last night she had gotten enough sleep and Jin Ae knew this was not the alcohol telling her to give in. She tugged the elvish cloak tighter around her body, thanking Aerin silently for the gift. It seemed to be the only source of warmth around her.

They walked for what seemed like hours and Jin Ae lost track of how long they’ve been there. Minutes seemed to prolong into hours that bled into days and she missed the sun, she fears that she’ll go insane if she keeps on walking in the dark like this. There was a thick haze that clouded her mind, like a migraine that won’t away, causing her to swoon every now and then.

The dwarves were arguing with one another, muttering inaudible things and babbling nonsense. It was starting; the woods were starting to torment them little by little, injecting them with its venom. Whenever they took refuge to rest she could never find herself asleep, she would always be shaken awake by the fear of finding herself alone. It was only when Thorin wrapped his wolf pelt over her did she find the strength to finally drift into sleep, even if her dreams were plagued by images of her wandering around the goblin cave.

They were trapped in a vicious cycle, wandering through paths Jin Ae knew they’ve circle thrice now. Panic settled on the pit of her stomach every now and then telling her that they must’ve drifted off the path, making it easier for the trees to manipulate them. The forest was sick, full of disease and Jin Ae knows better than anyone on what that means. Viruses spread and they were on brink of catching it, one by one they’ll descend into madness if someone doesn’t do something about it.

That was when Bilbo started climbing the tree, but as Jin Ae stood at the foot, she couldn’t ignore her uneasiness. There was something watching them, lurking behind the foliage. She exchanged a look with Bombur, who seemed to agree to what she was thinking.

She hates how her suspicions turn out to be right.

One moment they were waiting for Bilbo to come back and the next they were being separated by a group of giant spiders, if she wasn’t frightened already she was now. She held on the small dagger Bifur had lent her, considering that her sword was broken during her encounter with Azog. Jin Ae ran out of the clearing they were standing in, watching in horror as the rest of the company was taken and brought up into the trees. Jin Ae knew where this was going and she knew she knew she had to warn Bilbo once he comes back to warn him. She turned around, only to find herself facing a pair of four arms above her head. She dodged to the side, the end of its vicious legs scratching her shoulder. She scrambled backward, gripping her dagger in front of her as it crawled forwards. It sunk on of its legs beside her calves and Jin Ae finds herself cornered by the side of a murky river. The waters were dark and murky, no different than the one from the goblin tunnels.

Her hands bordered between the rocks that separated her from the water lapping inches below her and Jin Ae could hear every fiber in her being forbidding her from entering it. There was a reason the company had decided to avoid it when they were crossing the bridge. This forest was sick; a fall into the river might kill her, or worse. She tried to make a run for it under the arachnid’s legs, yet it caught her and instead of shoving her aside, it flung her over to the river with a feral cry.

The last thing she saw before darkness engulfed her was an arrow piercing the side of its head.

 

* * *

 

 

Thorin did not regret his conversation with Thranduil, even if it had ended with his imprisonment. He knows Thranduil will not waver under his company’s reasoning; the king of Mirkwood will not hesitate to keep them locked up in here for days, maybe even weeks. He thought about their quest and how they are running out of time, Durin’s day is only a couple of weeks away.

Their only hope was Bilbo and Jin Ae.

When he heard Jin Ae and Bilbo wasn’t amongst them his heart has soared at the thought, for they didn’t have to suffer Thranduil’s unreasonable ego and potentially rot behind these barS. Yet, the idea of them alone and unguarded makes him worry if they’ll ever make it out alive. He fears for both of their wellbeing. The forest was filled with foul things, he doesn’t want to doubt them, but his courage is wearing thin. Fear was gnawing at the edges of his composure and his heart clenched at the thought of them under lost under that vile place.

It has been days since they have been here and it was getting more and more difficult to tell how much time has passed since they are kept underneath the palace, shunned from any trace of sunlight. It was begrudgingly thanks to the silvian elf that insists on visiting Kili did he knows of how long they’ve been here, he could listen to their conversation with ease, their voices bouncing off the walls. He was getting the horrible feeling that she might be fond of him, despite the glares directed at her from both the dwarves and Thranduil’s son.

“ The forest is sick,” She explained sadly, sitting across his cell, “ The river that runs there is poisoned with evil. One of our scouts weren’t carefully enough and fell inside.”

Her face was twisted in disgust and fear.

“What happened?” Kili asked tentatively.

She shook her head.

 “ He was trapped in a fevered dream for days and when we thought there was no hope for him. he awoke with the inability to recall a portion of his memories, as it had been swept away by the waters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the very short chapter I'm very sick right now and this is all I could manage, I'm sorry to keep you all waiting  
> Firstly, I took some of the ideas from the book, which shows Bombur falling into the stream and waking up with no recollection of what happened ever since they left Bilbo's house. Yet, this will have its own twist !  
> Second, There was a mistake about Bifur and Jin Ae's conversation in the previous chapter because I forgot that Bifur cannot speak the common tongue and hence I shall fix that  
> thank you for those who are still following this story !


	24. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a dozen antibiotics and feel better so I thought I'll write this chapter before I fall back into my own deep sleep.In the books when Bombur fell into the river he wakes up to remember nothing about the events that happened after the party in Bilbo's house. However, this has its own little twist and I hope you guys like it.  
> Also,thank you for your get well soon wishes ! <3

**Chapter 23 : Mind Games, Oil and The Feast of Starlight**

“ _I'm slipping into the deep end_  
_I'm in over my head_  
_I can't catch my breath_  
_I'm slipping into the deep end_  
_Feel the current within_  
_I can't help but give in.”_

 _\- Deep End, Ruelle_  


* * *

 

“ Jin Ae, c’ mon we’ll be late,” The voice called out and Jin Ae smiled at her reflection against the dressing table mirror. She skimmed her fingers through her earring, grinning at herself before rushing down the stairs, making sure to close the bedroom door with her leg on the way out.

“ I’m coming babe,” She answered, running through the stairs before leaping off the third step, landing square across his arms. Michael’s hands wrapped themselves around her waist, spinning her around as he kissed her sweetly

“ You’re wearing the perfume I bought you,” He smiled against her lips, “ You look great.”

She untangled herself from his arms, giving them space to show her dress. He looked at her approvingly, shoving his hands on his pockets. The lights of her apartment were bright enough to accentuate the glimmer on her dress and Jin Ae couldn’t remember the last time she had worn something this fancy. The last time must’ve been ages ago back when she was in high school, where she attended prom with her friends.

It was refreshing to have a weekend off work, having convinced most of her co-workers to take on her night shift. After receiving her paycheck and her holiday she was glad to spend it with her boyfriend, who seemed to be celebrating a night off due to his promotion. She could feel her heart flutter at the thought of having him to herself all day.

“ We have a few minutes to spare before our reservation,” Michael glanced at his watch, sauntering towards her, “ Maybe we can do a little bit of something else before that?”

She pinched the side of his cheek lovingly, “ If we go do that we won’t make it in time silly !”

Footsteps approached them from the kitchen and beside them her father stood there, dressed in a cream-colored vest and trousers.

“ _Abeoji_ ,” Jin Ae chuckled, pulling the man into a hug, “ You don’t mind watching Michael’s nephews while we’re out for dinner right ?We didn’t know they were visiting tonight.”

“ It’s alright,” He smiled tiredly at the sound of glass shattering behind them, the chatter and laughter of two little troublemaking boys fluttering around the room, “ I’ve been through worse.”

“ How dare you?” She faked shocked, “ Are you referring to me?”

“ Who else?” The old man scoffed, putting both his hands behind their shoulders and leading them to the front door gently, “ You are my only child.”

She gripped his fingers with affection, intertwining the other with her boyfriend’s.

“ I’m glad to see you’re in good hands.”

Jin Ae shared a look with Michael and for a moment everything seemed to blur away. She could hear the cars honking in the distance, trying to desperately go through the horrible Christmas traffic. The snow falling outside graced their doorsteps, bleaching their stairs pale white and the windows light blue. Michael’s nephews could be heard shouting with delight behind her as she admired both the smiles of the men in her life.

“ But you have to wake up.”

Jin Ae’s head snapped towards her father, his eyes sad despite his unwavering smile. He reached out a wrinkled hand and placed it on her cheek, eyes cradling her through his round-rimmed glasses, “You’ve said goodbye to him Jin Ae, you have to wake up.”

She inched backward, her heels clicking on the wooden floor. All of a sudden the room’s temperature began to rise and winter melted into something hotter, digging under the fabric of her skin and her fingers tugged around the collar of her dress.

“ What are you,” She laughed nervously, “ What are you talking about?”

“ He’s not real,” Her father spoke once more, yet Michael stepped forward, placing both his hands on her shoulders.

“ Hey, C'mon,” He chuckled, cornering her by the stairs, “ We have a reservation to catch.”

“ You said we still have time,” Her breathing began to quicken and she was bewildered at how she could feel afraid of the man she found comfort in, yet she couldn’t bring herself to recognize his eyes anymore. They were staring into her soul, devoid of any affection as he tugged her hand to the doorway.

“ I said,” He demanded, voice low and dangerous, “ We have to leave.”

She shook her head, not letting her feet reach the doorway as she trembled, “ You’re not Michael.”

She looked around and the newly painted walls of her home seemed to melt, peeling away from the top like butter left under the sun, dripping onto the wooden floor, which seemed to wobble beneath her legs. The laughter from the kitchen has ceased and instead whispers filled the room. She looked at her father frantically, but he only stood there, hands behind his back as he watched Michael grip her arm tightly.

“ You’re hurting me,” She winced, watching his grip coil around her, “ Michael would never hurt me.”

Her father, like the static on the television, began to glitch. As if he was merely just an apparition. Michael’s grip tightened around her arm and she yelled out in pain, tugging back roughly. The whispers grew louder and harsher, drowning her mind. She could no longer hear the cars outside.

“ You need to come with me,” He ordered and as if he was possessed his face twisted and he turned his head away, fighting an invisible force and returning with a smile. What made it worse was that there was absolutely nothing behind his eyes, it was as if he was dead.

“ No,” She decided, “ I need to wake up.”

Images flashed before her mind and as if someone had fast forwarded a movie she caught only glimpses of what was being shown to her, unable to take in all of the locked up memories. She could see herself wandering through a forest clearing with black stilettos, she could remember a man with electric blue eyes screaming at her under the rain and she could see a mountain behind a cloud of mist. All of these memories were begging to be seen, but all of it was too much for her to swallow. It was like being forced to drink a gallon of water without stopping.

 She used her free hand to support her forehead, furrowing her brow as the pain dug deeper into the base of her skull, sprouting into a nasty headache. Her skin was boiling, rising into a temperature she knew was fatal.

She saw herself fall into a river, the waters biting her as she drifted into the deep end.

“ You’re not real,” She choked out, the heels of her shoes being dragged across the floor, “Michael’s, I’ve said goodbye to him. You’re not Michael, you’re just some sick mind game.”

She pulled her arm free and he stared at her, motionless as the world began to crumble behind her. There was nothing beyond it, the only stretch of darkness, endless as if it was the credits of a movie scene or a bottomless abyss. The air around her grew thick and hot as she stepped back, watching as everything fades except the dark blue door with the mistletoe taped against it. He stood there, extending a hand out to her.

Yet she shook her head.

The darkness was better she decided, then going anywhere near that creature.

“ You’re not real,” She shook her head, “ I need to wake up.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jin Ae awoke with a jolt, with air rushing past her lungs in an almost painful way. Her forehead collided with someone’s forehead, their face scrunched up in pain as they stepped backward. However, this image didn’t last as her vision blurs once more, coaxing her to lay her head back down on what appears to be cushioned.

“ Easy there,” The voice winched before chuckling.

“ Where…” She trailed off, throat hoarse and dry. The person above her seemed to notice this and brought a cup against her lips. He helped her sit up against the wall as the warm liquid run down her throat.

“ Drink first, talk later,” He chirped, helping her settle under the heaps of blankets, which she might or might have not torn away during her sleep judging by how most of it is sprawled across the floor. She blinked away the heavy feeling fogging up her brain, craning her neck to view the room she’s in.

She noticed that she was by the window, with the wind gently waking her, yet she awoke the smell of fish and oil and had to recline her head against the wood once more to avoid gagging at the stench. She looked up at the face before her and finally the two separate images blurred into one and she could clearly see that it was a man, she should’ve known from his voice alone. His face was twisted in concern as he sat at the foot of the small furniture, his lips curled into a slightly amused smile.

“ We thought you were never going to wake,” He admitted.

“ We?” Only then did Jin Ae turned her head to see the three looming figure behind him, the three children’s eyes curious as their cheeks were tinted pink with the winter’s chill. No words were exchanged by the bunch and she could hear the distant clanging of the bells and the creaking of the wooden poles.

“ Oh,” She breathed out.

“ My daughters, Sigrid and Tilda and my son Bain,” He smiled, “ Welcome to Laketown, miss?”

“ Jin Ae Lee,” She answered.

 

* * *

 

 

As Jin Ae held the warm cup of tea around her fingers she couldn’t help the horror that crept up beneath her skin when she was asked to recall what had happened and knew nothing. She prodded her mind for the slightest bit of information to only come back empty handed. The oddest part was she was unsure of what to feel, it was relishing as much as it was concerning. The fleeting moment of amnesia gave her complete bliss, allowing her to drink the tea she was given and stare out into the ashen grey clouds. However, it gave her a sense of discomfort as well, knowing that she had lived an entire year somewhere else.

“ Where did you say you found me again?” She asked.

“ I was delivering barrels for the elves when I found you by the side of the river, dangerously close to Mirkwood,” He answered, “ You were laying by the riverbank, your skin was cold and blue by the time we reached Laketown. I had to smuggle you in because no one enters this town but by leave of the Master.”

She eyed the largest building perched in the center of town.

“ You’ve been asleep for three days. You didn’t move a single muscle; you were like a corpse, trapped in a sleep so deep that not even the noise in the morning woke you. The only thing that convinced me that you were still alive was that you were still breathing.”

When he finished his story she felt guilty for not knowing anything and she gave him a quizzical look.

“ You don’t remember anything ?” He questioned skeptically.

“ I only remember going into Bilbo,” She drummed her fingers against the porcelain, “ Baggins, Bilbo Baggins house. He’s…he’s a hobbit.”

The Bowman in front of her cocked his eyebrow, “ Hobbit? That seems familiar.”

“ Oh !” Sigrid exclaimed, running towards him from across the room with a book across her hands, “The Hobbit, they’re from the Shire.”

Once Jin Ae admitted that she recalled nothing of what had happened the bright-eyed girl had decided to dash to the bookshelves to pull out some books, knowing that it might jump-start her memory. Sigrid pulled out a map and it unraveled itself, touching the ground. All three heads peered into the table-sized drawing and Bard pointed a finger at Laketown, dragging it all the way down to a secluded place behind the mountains.

“ The Shire,” He hummed, “ Is all the way down here.”

Her eyes widened and her mind was assaulted by memories once more and little by little, as if someone was filling a really tall glass with a pipette, she was slowly aware of what had happened for the past twelve months. She saw herself sitting by the fireside, with Bilbo smoking his pipe as they chat heartedly.

“ I’m starting to remember,” Jin Ae whispered, “ But it’s coming along very slow.”

“ It’s alright,” Bard concluded, “ Take your time.”

“ I don’t know why,” She joked, “ But I have the strange feeling that I’m running out of time.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Thorin was starting to give up all hope on their Burglar and Healer, until on the third day of their imprisonment he appeared in front of Thorin’s gates.

“ I can’t get you out of here any time soon,” The Hobbit explained to the rest of the company, taking the opportunity of the scarce amount of guards to explain his difficulty, “ The elves have an acute sense of hearing and they have been suspicious about my..methods. I’d have to be twice as careful now that they have a feeling that someone has infiltrated them, Thranduil ordered the guards to be doubled around these parts.”

Most of the elves guarding the perimeter have been called by the head of their security to a meeting, Thorin knew it was to be direct and quick, no more than a few words before the elven guards would come back in their stations.

The news brought down the spirits of the dwarves that were listening and they slumped back against the walls, arms crossed as they stared at the Hobbit helplessly.

“ How much time do you need?”

“ A week,” Bilbo offered, “ Hopefully last, I’m thinking of a plan. They’re going to celebrate a festival in five days time, that can be used as a distraction.”

“ _Mereth-en-Gilith_ ,” Balin shot up on his feet, “ The Feast of Starlight.”

Thorin was anxious despite knowing that they’ll still have enough days to spare, but one can never be sure. He pushed the thoughts away to notice the absence of a certain brunette, his heart suddenly stopping as he pulled himself away.

“ Bilbo, where’s Jin Ae?”

“ I thought,” The Hobbit paused, stepping back to place his hand across his mouth, “ I thought she was with you.”

His crestfallen face reflected Thorin’s and the whole company went mad. He cursed himself for being so foolish to think that she had been with Bilbo, he should’ve been more careful, he should’ve searched for her.  When the elves have ambushed them he had been distracted and even when Bofur had asked where Bilbo was his foolish heart had decided to conclude that she was with him too, all to comfort his fears. Look where that brought him, his fear from the very beginning had come true, and she was left behind in that vile place to fend for herself.

If she was still alive that is.

All it took was one look at Bilbo’s face to tell that he wanted so desperately to run into the forest to go after her, but they knew that he’d never make it out on his own.

He could hear the doors above open and he watched as Bilbo scampered away, leaving a few goodbyes before departing. Thorin sat on the floor, staring at his arms as he imagined her being pulled away by the darkness, their tendrils dragging her into the shadows of the woods.

He let out a yell of anger, shoving the bars before slumping against the wall.

He should’ve never brought her here, he should have never let her lure him with her smile and he should’ve never let her out of his sight. He pushed any thoughts of her smile away from his mind.

What has he done?

 

 


	25. Chapter 24

 

**Chapter 24 : Merchants , Fleeting Curses and Morning Gals**

_" Maybe we'll find what we're searching for,_

_or maybe we'll find something even greater than that."_

_\- unknown._

 

* * *

 

 

It was difficult, she admitted, to continue living when she barely remembers anything at all. Bard and his children had been kind enough to let her stay with them until she can get back on her feet and recall her memories, which Jin Ae finds very hard to do when there were barely much of her things left in her backpack.a

Despite the effort she put on trying to secure them, the satchel must’ve been tossed around by the current and it was a miracle it had stayed by her side throughout the whole time. She traced her fingers over the worn leather as she rummaged through what was left. Her phone was still intact and yet the screen was busted, a huge crack striking across it. She set it aside once it refused to buzz to life. In the very bottom she came across her wallet, still soaked and torn from the river’s damage.

The money inside held no value and yet the small picture kept by the pocket smiled at her tiredly, the edges turning yellow and crumpled as she cradled it between fingers. Michael smiled up at her as he held her against his side, memories of the summer fair’s small and wobbly picture booth flashing back at her. That was something she doesn’t need to recall, the picture served no help in telling her what happened the day after she left the Shire. She placed the picture by the window, perching it by the windowsill.

It felt like seconds ago she was running past Farmer Gamgee’s garden to catch up with the rest of the company, but the healing wounds against her body and sore muscles would argue otherwise. There are times where Jin Ae felt like she wanted to give up, times where she wanted so badly to cry herself to sleep and hope that it will all come back to her in the morning. However, she knows better than that, it won’t do much help.

When Bard had taken her to the town’s center, a rather irritating and leering man had spotted them and immediately demanded they should go see the Master. Alfred had lingered his gaze on her waist far too long to be considered polite and she had nearly stomped his foot right there, but Bard had dragged her away gently, glaring holes at Alfred as they climbed up the cobbled steps.

“ Who might you be?” The Master had questioned, waltzing around in his domain. She had scowled at the frightening contrast between his home and the rest of Laketown, it’s funny to see that one room holds more gold than all of the houses combined. She could smell the greed and wine off the man and she had to use every fiber in her being to keep her composure and address him with a bow.

“ I’m Jin Ae Lee,” She spoke, “ I have come from Bree as a humble merchant, but my merry band have seemed to perish under the Mirkwood forest. I do not have anything to give you in exchange, as my things have been taken from me by those foul creatures. Would you be so kind as to still welcome me here, my liege ?”

She forced a pout, tilting her head sideways. It felt pathetic, to beg like this, yet she knew she’d get him back once she knows where to go, for now, she has to play the part, even if she wanted nothing more than to slap the smug grin on his face. She knew associating herself with dwarves would only cause trouble, it was best to lie, especially when she couldn’t remember much of their journey together.

“ How can I deny such a request?” He hummed, “ Alfred, give her a few pennies to mend her clothes and some wine to flush her pretty cheeks !”

Once they were outside she had nudged the two bottles of wine towards Bard and placed the coins in his pockets, “ Here, for all the troubles.”

He didn’t say anything, only watching her with a knowing smile on his lips.

After that, she spent her day helping the household, making sure dinner was set and the neighbors were healthy. She quickly made friends, accustoming the people of Lake Town with her presence. Night after night she would wail silently, asking the gods for help as she lay on Bard’s bed. The Bowman had been kind enough to give it to her, opting for the barely intact couch even after her protests.

 It was only until the second night did she remembered scaling the mountainside within a dream and she woke up with her mouth dry and throat nauseous. The town barely had any medication to cease her distress or any distractions except the mountain across the lake. She would be drawn to it at times, sitting by the docks to watch it beckon her.

“ Are you planning to fall into the water again ?”

She placed her hand on her chest and sighed, giving Bard an annoyed look, “ You shocked me.”

“ It wasn’t intentional,” He raised both his hands, “ You seemed to be very fond of the water.”

The dock squeaked under the soles of his booths and he groaned as he settled next to her, letting his right leg dangle above the surface of the water as he tucked in his left. He followed her gaze and they sat in silence. Jin Ae knew he was releasing the stress from the hard toiled work he had to keep his children, and now a woman, warm and fed. She had volunteered to help as well, yet she earned way far less than Bard for sewing and helping the ill. While Bard went to the smithy and the docks Jin Ae would stay at home and watch the children, with Sigrid and Tilda eagerly guiding her to jump-start her memory. They seemed pleased to have a woman in the house, taking advantage of her time by spilling to her their worries and occasionally, boys.

Despite everything, she enjoyed the company of this little family. She found it endearing, their adventures and shenanigans seemed to hit home for her. She wondered if their laughter resembled the ones of fourteen dwarves, whose names she was struggling to remember, even if deep down she knew them by heart.

“ You’re not wrong.”

She thought of the dream she had yesterday, of diving into the icy and murky waters of the caves to escape the hungry jaws of a goblin. She saw images of the forest ablaze with fire and eagles soaring in the sky. She felt the outline of a man’s lips against her own and she shuddered lightly at the thought. They all exist in flashes and glimpses, barely enough to form a complete recollection of what had happened.

She didn’t even know who she had kissed.

“I’m starting to remember,” She admitted, “ But every time I do, it doesn’t feel right. It was as if I was living someone else’s life instead of mine.”

“ It will get better, Jin Ae.”

 He aims to console her and yet it only made her feel worse.

She could feel the tears prick behind her eyes and she scolded herself as they stream down her face. She vigorously rubbed them away with her palms, sniffing into the cold air as the wind skimmed her cloak.

“ What if I don’t remember?”

“What if you do? You cannot live in fear when you are not sure of what would happen,” Bard murmured, taking both her hands in his, “ This curse is fleeting; I am sure, despite what the townspeople have said about the rivers of Mirkwood. The mind forgets, but not the heart. If it matters this much for you, my lady, then you shall not forget it so easily.”

She smiled, huffing as she brings her fingers to her eyes, “ Thank you. I didn’t know how much I needed that.”

“ It is better to speak then to let your grief consume you in silence.”

She pictured his wife and before she could hold her tongue the words fell out of her mouth, pushed by her curiosity.

“ Tell me about your wife.”

He didn’t seem to take any offense; instead, he shifted to a more comfortable position as if to tell her that he was willing to stay with her much longer. His eyes twinkling at the thought of his late beloved.

“ She was a gentle-hearted woman with an even stronger will. She will not hesitate to kiss me and yell at me afterward for coming home so late and worry her. That kind of strange beauty is hard to come by,” He nodded fondly.

“ Tilda and Sigrid have been reporting to me about the women who are interested in you,” She teased, “ The list sounds like the whole town to me bard.”

“ You are flattering me,” He scoffed heartily.

“ There was even a married woman.”

“ Heavens no !”

 

 

* * *

 

 

On the fifth day, Jin Ae was sweeping the floor when a headache attacked her. She stumbled over to the couch, pressing both her palms flat against her face as she was plunged into the dark trees of Mirkwood. She could hear whispers floating throughout the air, tantalizing her as she clutched onto the back of Bilbo’s satchel. Then there were gigantic spiders, crawling on all their eight legs towards her. She was cornered onto the riverside and that was when it swept her into the currents.

“ Da!” Bain called out, rushing to her side.

It was in the early hours of the morning when the sun had just beginning to wake. Jin Ae didn’t expect the young boy to be up this early, but in the midst of her headache, she remembered that Bard would be off to collect barrels from the woodland realm. His son must’ve wanted to see him off.

“ It’s alright Bain,” She muttered, “ You’ll wake your sisters.”

Heavy footsteps gathered before her and she looked up to see Bard, his brows furrowed as he placed a hand on her forehead.

“ You’re ill,” He huffed.

“ No,” She insisted, blinking away her light-headedness, “ I’ve just remembered something.”

“ Bain, get her some water and a damp cloth for her fever.”

At his father’s order the boy immediately went off to the kitchen and Jin Ae wanted to correct him that she didn’t have a fever; it was simply the exhaustion from diving into her mind chasm. Her vision swirled and she couldn’t deny the bile rising in her throat. It was a good thing breakfast wasn’t served earlier.

“ What do you see?”

“ I saw,” Jin Ae trailed off, looking at Bard. She realized it would be unwise to tell him about the dwarves. He would ask what they were doing here and she would have to reveal to him the nature of this quest. She hadn’t told him the whole truth. Balin did instruct her on the night before their departure from Bag End that the quest is not something to be shared with others and if they were to be questioned, the answer would be that they were simple merchants passing by.

Yet Bard was no fool, he was too quick-minded for his own good and she’d have to lie for the time being. The dwarves were most likely still in Mirkwood, perhaps by now, they would have made it out. She chewed her lip, there was no telling for sure unless she sees it for herself.

“ I saw what happened o me in Mirkwood but I need help in remembering them correctly,” She lied, “ I need you to take me with you today to the rivers by the woodland realm.”

Bard pulled himself away from her, standing up from his kneeling position.

“ You know I can’t do that.”

“ If it’s Alfred you’re worried about, I can hide in your boat the same way you smuggled me in,” She reasoned.

“ No, it is not him I worry, but it’s you. The woodland realm is no longer safe, I fear that the evil that grows there grow with every passing minute,” Bard explained.

“ You know you have no right to stop me, I would still go there with or without your help. Now tell me, will I be safer riding one of Percy’s boats or will I be safer riding with you?”

At her argument, he opened his mouth as if to retaliate, but he knew it was pointless and so he sighed in defeat. He shot a look towards Bain, who had been standing by the sideline for quite some time now, a shy smile on his face as he watched his father give in to her wishes. Bard took the cup from his hands and passed it to her.

“ We leave in an hour,” He grumbled before storming off to the docks below.

“ Thank you!” She called out, sharing a laugh with his son.

“ Do you think you’ll find what you’re looking for there?” Bain asked.

She stared out of the window, watching the galls zip past her and into the waters. Their squawks waking the town as it bustled to life.

“ I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I hope there are still people who are still following this story ! School for me is about to start soon so updates will not be up as quick, but I haven't given up on this story so don't worry.  
> Much love and thank you for those who have left kudos and reviews <3

**Author's Note:**

> "To the one who thought that oblivion would bring me peace of mind..  
> The moment our eyes met, I knew that you too, retained your memories  
> I pray that in our next life  
> The waiting will be short and the meeting shall be long..  
> That we won’t need an excuse to see each other..  
> Entitled with our dearest names..  
> So we could greet each other when we accidentally run into each other  
> With our love always being the solution..  
> I pray that we can meet like that "


End file.
